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Funny satire stories about Starbucks

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Funny story: Starbucks Baristas Study; Customers Squawk

Starbucks Baristas Study; Customers Squawk

Lots of kudos for Starbucks when it was announced that the company was initiating a program to pay college tuition for its baristas. No applause from the customers though. Baristas are so wrapped up in their studies, the level of service has dec...
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Funny story: Customers vote with their pocketbooks (and wallets)

Customers vote with their pocketbooks (and wallets)

Consumers, tired of having companies lecture to them about what's hip and cool and, well, morally right, are fighting back. "If Starfuchs want my five buck, none their baristas better be lecturing me bout how to live my life," Black Panther Sam Ho...
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Funny story: Building on Starbucks' Race Together Initiative New "Defend Your Position" Campaign Earning Stellar Reviews

Building on Starbucks' Race Together Initiative New "Defend Your Position" Campaign Earning Stellar Reviews

Building upon the great success of Starbucks' Race Together campaign, a rival coffee house has unveiled their new concept of "Defend Your Position". "What we found out very quickly is that people already have very set opinions on a great many sub...
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Funny story: Loner offended by new Starbucks promotion

Loner offended by new Starbucks promotion

LAMETOWN, Pa. - James Shaverford, 28, was on Twitter this morning when he saw an offensive promoted tweet from Starbucks appear on his timeline. The promotion said, "Buy any holiday drink & get one free for a friend." Shaverford, being a lone...
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Funny story: Rescue drama as tidal surge of algal bloom swamps Starbucks CEO's Hamptons beachfront

Rescue drama as tidal surge of algal bloom swamps Starbucks CEO's Hamptons beachfront

Long Island, NY - Long Island Pest Control lifeboats were out in force this weekend when a red tide of algal bloom slimed the beach at Howard Schultz's Gracie Lane teardown bringing phytoplanktonic chaos (WTF dat? - 'Ed') to the East Hampton spread.
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Funny story: Satan Responds To Complaints of Poor WiFi Coverage In Hell

Satan Responds To Complaints of Poor WiFi Coverage In Hell

Responding to the growing complaints about Hell's sketchy wireless coverage, Satan issued an internal memo this week pointing out what he believes should be brutally obvious to even the most narcissistic damned - you're in Hell. The tone of the me...
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Funny story: Taylor Swift Releases Latest Concert Rider Demands

Taylor Swift Releases Latest Concert Rider Demands

Nashville, TN Taylor Swift's new concert rider has a few new items besides the usual Twizzlers, Starbucks Caramel Lattes, Chocolate Milk, Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Brownies and Chocolate Chocolates, assorted vegetables, various che...
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Funny story: Joe Biden: Obummercare enrollments may miss mark set by administration

Joe Biden: Obummercare enrollments may miss mark set by administration

WHITEWASHNTON, D. C. - On a tour of Starbucks coffeehouses, Joe Biden, President of Vice under Barack Obummer, did something that politicians, especially of his party, seldom, if ever, do: he told the truth. Specifically, he admitted that, des...
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Funny story: The Mayors of Denver and Seattle Make A Very Interesting Bet On The Super Bowl

The Mayors of Denver and Seattle Make A Very Interesting Bet On The Super Bowl

DENVER - The honorable Mayor Michael B. Hancock of The Mile High City has just informed the news media that he and the mayor of Seattle, the honorable Ed Murray have placed a bet on Super Bowl XLVIII (48). Every year it is customary for the mayors...
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Funny story: Elephant Saunters into NY Starbucks

Elephant Saunters into NY Starbucks

What for, you ask? To buy his morning coffee, of course. On a break from a nearby zoo, the elephant munched peanuts and chatted with startled customers as he waited for his order, two dozen Skinny Mochas. He said he was watching his weight; s...
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Funny story: Starbucks Latest Marketing Campaign a "Beacon To Government Officials"

Starbucks Latest Marketing Campaign a "Beacon To Government Officials"

Starbucks Coffee has begun a new marketing campaign billed as a way to call upon Congress to "come together" and stop bickering. From Wednesday to Friday, Starbucks will give away a free tall brewed coffee to any customer in the U.S. who buys anot...
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Funny story: Starbucks Makes Public Statement Guns Not Welcome But Not Outright Banned

Starbucks Makes Public Statement Guns Not Welcome But Not Outright Banned

Starbucks public spokesman Anselmo Java recently made a statement to the press regarding the company's stance regarding possession of firearms in any of their establishments. "The only shots we want to hear being fired off in our stores are shots...
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Funny story: Starbucks to add Starbucks Kiosks inside Starbucks stores

Starbucks to add Starbucks Kiosks inside Starbucks stores

Starbucks announced today they will begin adding Starbucks kiosks inside all of their stores. Said Starbucks spokesman Arbus "Bob" Verberner: "We already have kiosks in nearly every airport, train station and supermarket in the country as we...
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Funny story: Boris Johnson loves a cup of corporation taxed Starbucks!

Boris Johnson loves a cup of corporation taxed Starbucks!

The fabulous Lord Mayor of London, circus artist, aristocrat and TV quiz show host, Boris Johnson, has come out of his closet to support Starbucks Coffee in their bid to pay 20 million quid corporation tax! He has requested that the UK public shou...
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Funny story: Funeral homes: the new Starbucks

Funeral homes: the new Starbucks

In the midst of dwindling sales at home and stiff competition from other coffee shop chains, Starbucks management have recently turned to growth regions such as Asia to open up new stores while closing several existing shops in North America and Euro...
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Funny story: How to get a free cup of coffee at Starbucks

How to get a free cup of coffee at Starbucks

How to get a free cup of coffee from Starbucks From the Staff of dc Lampoon Times are tough and coffee ain't cheap! So we here at the dclampoon.com have come up with some sure fire methods for you to get your free cup of morning Joe from non-participating Starbucks. The origins of free coffee The origins of free coffee can probably be traced back to some loin cloth wearing native starv...
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Funny story: Subway and Starbucks open branches on Death Row

Subway and Starbucks open branches on Death Row

Two of the world's largest brands have opened branches inside Death Row at New York State Penitentiary to serve last meals and drinks to the inmates before they go for the needle. "It's a bold move," said Subway chairman, Simon Simple. "We believe...
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Funny story: New Starbucks Opens Up Inside Starbucks

New Starbucks Opens Up Inside Starbucks

Residents of New York City's Union Square area were delighted when a new Starbucks store opened up inside Union Square's already-existing Starbucks. Sean Kingsley, a graduate film student at nearby New York University, said that the opening of the...
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Speedo Makes Fashion Breakthrough with New HillBlimp Swimwear

Post Lohte,Speedo moves on with HillBlimp swimwear modeled by The Hillary. Made from new techno-sailcloth,HillBlimp pantsuit-swimwear can be worn at rallies with a quick amphib-option of sea dunking.
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