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Funny story: Satan Responds To Complaints of Poor WiFi Coverage In Hell

Satan Responds To Complaints of Poor WiFi Coverage In Hell

Responding to the growing complaints about Hell's sketchy wireless coverage, Satan issued an internal memo this week pointing out what he believes should be brutally obvious to even the most narcissistic damned - you're in Hell. The tone of the me...
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Funny story: Taylor Swift Releases Latest Concert Rider Demands

Taylor Swift Releases Latest Concert Rider Demands

Nashville, TN Taylor Swift's new concert rider has a few new items besides the usual Twizzlers, Starbucks Caramel Lattes, Chocolate Milk, Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Brownies and Chocolate Chocolates, assorted vegetables, various che...
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Funny story: Joe Biden: Obummercare enrollments may miss mark set by administration

Joe Biden: Obummercare enrollments may miss mark set by administration

WHITEWASHNTON, D. C. - On a tour of Starbucks coffeehouses, Joe Biden, President of Vice under Barack Obummer, did something that politicians, especially of his party, seldom, if ever, do: he told the truth. Specifically, he admitted that, des...
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Funny story: The Mayors of Denver and Seattle Make A Very Interesting Bet On The Super Bowl

The Mayors of Denver and Seattle Make A Very Interesting Bet On The Super Bowl

DENVER - The honorable Mayor Michael B. Hancock of The Mile High City has just informed the news media that he and the mayor of Seattle, the honorable Ed Murray have placed a bet on Super Bowl XLVIII (48). Every year it is customary for the mayors...
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Funny story: Elephant Saunters into NY Starbucks

Elephant Saunters into NY Starbucks

What for, you ask? To buy his morning coffee, of course. On a break from a nearby zoo, the elephant munched peanuts and chatted with startled customers as he waited for his order, two dozen Skinny Mochas. He said he was watching his weight; s...
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Funny story: Starbucks Latest Marketing Campaign a "Beacon To Government Officials"

Starbucks Latest Marketing Campaign a "Beacon To Government Officials"

Starbucks Coffee has begun a new marketing campaign billed as a way to call upon Congress to "come together" and stop bickering. From Wednesday to Friday, Starbucks will give away a free tall brewed coffee to any customer in the U.S. who buys anot...
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Funny story: Starbucks Makes Public Statement Guns Not Welcome But Not Outright Banned

Starbucks Makes Public Statement Guns Not Welcome But Not Outright Banned

Starbucks public spokesman Anselmo Java recently made a statement to the press regarding the company's stance regarding possession of firearms in any of their establishments. "The only shots we want to hear being fired off in our stores are shots...
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Funny story: Starbucks to add Starbucks Kiosks inside Starbucks stores

Starbucks to add Starbucks Kiosks inside Starbucks stores

Starbucks announced today they will begin adding Starbucks kiosks inside all of their stores. Said Starbucks spokesman Arbus "Bob" Verberner: "We already have kiosks in nearly every airport, train station and supermarket in the country as we...
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Funny story: Boris Johnson loves a cup of corporation taxed Starbucks!

Boris Johnson loves a cup of corporation taxed Starbucks!

The fabulous Lord Mayor of London, circus artist, aristocrat and TV quiz show host, Boris Johnson, has come out of his closet to support Starbucks Coffee in their bid to pay 20 million quid corporation tax! He has requested that the UK public shou...
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Funny story: Funeral homes: the new Starbucks

Funeral homes: the new Starbucks

In the midst of dwindling sales at home and stiff competition from other coffee shop chains, Starbucks management have recently turned to growth regions such as Asia to open up new stores while closing several existing shops in North America and Euro...
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Funny story: How to get a free cup of coffee at Starbucks

How to get a free cup of coffee at Starbucks

How to get a free cup of coffee from Starbucks From the Staff of dc Lampoon Times are tough and coffee ain't cheap! So we here at the dclampoon.com have come up with some sure fire methods for you to get your free cup of morning Joe from non-participating Starbucks. The origins of free coffee The origins of free coffee can probably be traced back to some loin cloth wearing native starv...
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Funny story: Subway and Starbucks open branches on Death Row

Subway and Starbucks open branches on Death Row

Two of the world's largest brands have opened branches inside Death Row at New York State Penitentiary to serve last meals and drinks to the inmates before they go for the needle. "It's a bold move," said Subway chairman, Simon Simple. "We believe...
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Funny story: New Starbucks Opens Up Inside Starbucks

New Starbucks Opens Up Inside Starbucks

Residents of New York City's Union Square area were delighted when a new Starbucks store opened up inside Union Square's already-existing Starbucks. Sean Kingsley, a graduate film student at nearby New York University, said that the opening of the...
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Funny story: Starbucks Proves Extremely Helpful to Amnesia Victim

Starbucks Proves Extremely Helpful to Amnesia Victim

When Joseph Brittingham was attacked and beaten by armed robbers in his Upper West Side apartment late one Saturday night in November of 2008, he sustained multiple concussions so severe that it was questionable whether he'd even survive, let alone regain his previous mental and physical abilities. After over two years of intensive care and ongoing, excruciating physical rehabilitation, Joseph...
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Funny story: Starbucks to Expand Into Every Home and Workplace

Starbucks to Expand Into Every Home and Workplace

SEATTLE - Starbucks, the world's biggest coffee people, will expand into the home. "Studies," said a spokesman, "have shown that after a Starbucks - registered trademark - they go to a 'home' or a 'work'. These people spend nearly most of their da...
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Funny story: iPad 2 Rumors - Starbucks App Coffee Dispenser

iPad 2 Rumors - Starbucks App Coffee Dispenser

Leading on from this morning's news over on Mashable that the next iPhone and iPad will have a Dual-Core Graphics Chip, we have had confirmation that the new iPad will incorporate a coffee dispenser for use with the iPad Starbucks app. Fanbois wil...
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Funny story: Lure of Missile Defence Contract Prompts Starbucks To Remove "Coffee" From Logo

Lure of Missile Defence Contract Prompts Starbucks To Remove "Coffee" From Logo

Starbucks, the world's largest coffee maker has dropped its name and the word "coffee" from its ubiquitous cups. This seemingly suicidal move is allegedly only one in a long line of moves that are being made to enable the coffee maker to "move up the...
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Funny story: Future News: McDonald's Buys FDA

Future News: McDonald's Buys FDA

(Published 2027) - WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a landmark takeover, fast food/media giant McDonald's-Disney bought out the Food and Drugs Administration. "It makes me feel very sad," said Republican, Ted Electronic Arts Gareth. "In a Starbucks kinda St...
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Obama... Ordinary like us.

Yesterday, President Obama was refused entry into a restaurant for not wearing a tie and later fined for double parking and... ordered to return his library books... and thrown off a tram...and...

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