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Funny story: Rocket Ronnie To Play Blindfolded

Rocket Ronnie To Play Blindfolded

As the Snooker World Championships rumble on, and BBC2 views continue to nose-dive, Head of Snooker, Barry Hearn has come up with a plan. According to sources close to Hearn, he's approached snooker god, and cockney charmer Ronnie O'Sullivan to play...
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Funny story: Mass global depression ahead of World Snooker Championships

Mass global depression ahead of World Snooker Championships

Millions of people around the world have declared themselves clinically depressed at the thought of accidentally switching the channel over to this year's World Snooker Championships. An unofficial survey of semi-official, machine-washable televis...
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Funny story: Rocket Ronnie Not Recovered From His Extended Rest

Rocket Ronnie Not Recovered From His Extended Rest

Ronnie O'Sullivan, the lovable cockney pocket filler, is back on the professional snooker tour. But his actions during a recent practice session demonstrated that the troubled player's return to health is very much a long shot. Ronnie re-joined th...
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Funny story: Little Divot Couple Have Row, Husband Delighted With Outcome

Little Divot Couple Have Row, Husband Delighted With Outcome

A married couple from Little Divot are the talk of the village after a dispute left neighbours reaching for their earplugs. Clive and Barbara Peddle, both 45, are well known in the village for their domestic disputes, but locals reckon this is the...
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Funny story: Ross Kemp calls for Snooker to be made Olympic Sport in 2016

Ross Kemp calls for Snooker to be made Olympic Sport in 2016

Former Eastender hardman Ross Kemp (Grant Mitchell in the soap) today called on the Olympic Committee to include snooker in the 2016 Games in Rio, Brazil. In a statement on his website Kemp explained his feelings. "Some people enjoy watching the...
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Funny story: 'Long cues' warning as 10,000 head for tournament

'Long cues' warning as 10,000 head for tournament

Thousands of people competing in this weekend's snooker tournament at Sheffield Crucible are being told they face a public transport ordeal. Heavy crowds are heading to Sheffield bus station where long queues are expected. Most of these snooker pl...
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Funny story: Ronnie O'Sullivan to 'take some time off' from snooker and the internet

Ronnie O'Sullivan to 'take some time off' from snooker and the internet

World champion Ronnie O'Sullivan is to "take some time off" from competitive snooker after refusing to sign the official players' contract. Ronnie made the announcement on his official website earlier today. A spokesman for Ilford High St inte...
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Funny story: Rebekah Brooks to be charged with 'perverting the course of Eastenders'

Rebekah Brooks to be charged with 'perverting the course of Eastenders'

More bad news emerged last night for former News of The World and Sun editor Rebekah Brooks when it was leaked that the BBC are to take out a civil prosecution for the attack on her ex-hubby Ross Kemp, who played the actor Grant Mitchell in the flags...
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Funny story: Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 17 - Final Day

Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 17 - Final Day

Ronnie O'Sullivan is the 2012 World Snooker Champion after potting his way to a 18-11 win over Ali Carter. Resuming 10-7 ahead overnight, Rocket Ronnie never looked in danger of surrendering the lead and pocketed a 141 break - the highest in the history of the Final. Ronnie was also the oldest winner, at 36, since Ray Reardon in 1978. Carter did manage three frames in a row during the afternoon...
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Funny story: Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 16 - Final

Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 16 - Final

So today is the first day of the All-Essex Final, between 'Rocket' Ronnie O'Sullivan and Ali Carter 'the unstoppable snooker machine'. Ronnie reached the final beating three previous world champs in the first three rounds - Peter Ebdon 10-4, Mark Williams 13-6, and Neil Roberston 13-10. In the semi-final he beat Matthew Stevens 17-10. After a convincing 10-2 win over Mark Davis in the first...
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Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up Day 14 - Semi-finals

Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up Day 14 - Semi-finals

Today is the first day of the semi-finals, which last three days (compared to the two day final) There was no morning play, so I had to make do with Phil and Holly instead on This Morning. In a real emergency I could watch Ross Kemp In Afghanistan on DVD, but i normally save that for when Ross visits. He gave me a signed copy you know. Might fetch a few quid on ebay. We are down to one table...
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Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Roundup Day 13

Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Roundup Day 13

First up, the remaining quarter-final results. Matthew Stevens beat Ryan Day 13-5 After trailing in the first session, Stevens reeled off 11 frames in a row to progress to the semi-finals, the sixth of his Crucible career, but first since a final defeat to Shaun Murphy in 2005. Ronnie O'Sullivan beat Neil Robertson 13-10 O'Sullivan overturned a 5-3 first session deficit to win by three fr...
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Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 12

Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 12

Day two of the Quarter-Finals. Stephen Maguire beat Stephen Hendry 13-2 After a great start, Maguire finished off Hendry in two sessions, giving him an afternoon session off - but Hendry has plans for even more time off - by announcing his retirement after the match! After an incredible career, including 27 years at the Crucible, winning seven world titles, 36 ranking tournaments in total,...
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Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 11

Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 11

QUARTER-FINAL SCHEDULE Stephen Hendry (Sco) v Stephen Maguire (Sco) Jamie Jones (Wales) v Ali Carter (Eng) Ronnie O'Sullivan (Eng) v Neil Robertson (Aus) Ryan Day (Wal) v Matthew Stevens (Wal) All four quarters cue off today, still best of 25, first to 13, and scheduled to last 3 sessions. That could be in doubt with the first match, as Stephen Maguire thumped fellow scot Stephen Hendry 7-1...
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Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 10

Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 10

Today is the last day in the second round and Ali Carter, Matthew Stevens, Ronnie O'Sullivan and Jamie Jones all book their place in the Quarter-Finals. Jamie Jones is definitely not the same Jamie Jones who plays in goal for Leyton Orient. It would be spooky if he were, as Barry Hearn is the Chairman of Leyton Orient and World Snooker. Everyone would call it a fix. And we had enough of that tw...
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Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 9

Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 9

Today saw the finish of the Joe Perry v Stephen Maguire match - which I have tenuously linked to Jerry Maguire - as in Perry Maguire - geddit? No-one said writing a daily snooker blog would be easy. With foresight, I should have linked this match to yesterdays (Day 8) marriage proposal at the Crucible by Brian Wright to Lisa Dunks. "You had me at hello..." Theirs no Tom Cruise in the arena...
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Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 8

Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 8

Stephen Hendry booked his place in the quarter-final by wrapping up his comprehensive victory over defending Champion John Higgins 13-4. He joins Neil Robertson in the Quarters. In the old days when the games finished early, Dennis Taylor would pop out and tell his 'WC1' joke. Or John Virgo would play a few trick shocks. Sometimes Willie Thorne would tell us where he got his hair cut. Today...
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Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 7

Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 7

The draw for the second round includes a few science, film and musical references to keep us interested.. Higgins v Hendry. Perry v Maguire - Show Me The Money?? Jones v Higginson Carter v Trump Williams v O'Sullivan Gilbert v Robertson - (shouldn't it be Gilbert v Sullivan?) Day v Yupeng Stevens v Hawkins... The games are already underway and Robertson is the first man into the last...
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