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Funny story: The Meanest Misfit at the Tenements Just Got a Grizzly, a Tiger, and Three Alligators

The Meanest Misfit at the Tenements Just Got a Grizzly, a Tiger, and Three Alligators

The meanest malcontent neighbor I know just adopted a grizzly bear club, a bengal tiger cub, and three baby alligators. He lives two doors down from me in a one-bedroom apartment and drinks a case of Red, White & Blue beer every day. As mean and savage as they come, these nasty wild animals seem to be a good fit for him, but not such a good combination of pets for our apartment complex. All...
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Funny story: The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh is a long, boring, heroic poem by Gil Gamesh, a Babylonian who plagiarized the story from ancient Sumerian sources and claimed that the events of the poem, outlandish though they are, actually happened to him. One of the poem's key episodes in the flood, which, when it is written about in the Bible, is known as the Biblical flood, but, in Gilgamesh, is referred to as The Delu...
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Funny story: Orgasmic loud shriek

Orgasmic loud shriek

The traffic down the so-called expressway was clogged. It lasted several minutes before got moving. When my car reached the congested spot, I saw a very conspicuous Porsche Panamera with a piece of worn-out-torn-out jacket stuck under the left front wheel. A few yards behind the car, there lay a corps, covered with dried-up streaks of blood. Skin color, due to loss of blood and time of death, in t...
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Funny story: Hey, a Horse is Playing the Piano

Hey, a Horse is Playing the Piano

This weekend, as I was watching television, my wife misheard a statement I made.  She was in the kitchen and I said, "Hey, Doris Day is playing the piano".  Doris was young and pretty (although surprisingly, a little gay looking) in one of those hopelessly unbelievable 50's musicals where everyone plays the piano like George Gershwin (but you can't see their fingers).  Two stars for this particula...
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Funny story: Big Head on the Mountain

Big Head on the Mountain

The gears of their well-worn Chinese-made Schwinns were grinding as Dante and his kid sister Uma rounded a steep curve on a wilderness trail in the Black Hills. A gap in the forest foliage gave them a direct view of the mountain known as Rushmore, and they squeezed their handbrakes and came to an abrupt stop, as if the awesome sight before them was the visual equivalent of a roadblock. "Wow,"...
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Funny story: Ginger Vitus The Lone Star Rider

Ginger Vitus The Lone Star Rider

Ginger Vitus rode high in the saddle on his worn out donkey. The poor beast had seen better days, like the retirement home he was in before being rustled by Ginger. The pair made their way along the dusty trail toward the town of Calcium, a violent whiskey soaked community on the border of San Antonio and Mexico. A few miles from the destination, Ginger halted. "There must be somewhere to...
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Funny story: The Exploding Butler of Hump Hall, Part II

The Exploding Butler of Hump Hall, Part II

Inspector Corner, Detective Pong, Sergeant Hump and Constable Hall had all journeyed from Scotland Yard in the special Ford Anglia overhead camshaft pursuit vehicle, in response to a call from Sussex Constabulary about an exploding butler. The Ford Anglia had a synchromesh gearbox and vacuum-powered windscreen wipers and it was a remarkable vehicle. It inspired many remarks, especially when peo...
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Funny story: Smart As a Fox IV

Smart As a Fox IV

After 5 consecutive days, I learned my girlfriend was about to leave the hospital, so the account had to be settled. During these days, a friend, feeling sorry for me said, 'You must be an idiot to pay the cost of the operation. Silly boy, a crime has been committed, and the criminal has left the scene, and there is no law to protect us, citizens. Why should you pay the cost?' I was baffled. H...
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Funny story: Smart As A Fox, part II

Smart As A Fox, part II

Some phone calls are disturbing. We say hello and wait for the coin to drop. 'Is this XYZ?' 'Yes!' 'Your girlfriend's not feeling well. Could you come over? Who am I? I'm a Samaritan. Who? Forget it. I'm a passerby. I simply wanna help the woman. Excuse me. What's my name? I see. What's her name? OK. She says Maria. Maria Smith wants to talk to you. Hold on.' 'Hello? Maria. What's goi...
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Funny story: Inchcock and Arm: Are you being served? Episode One

Inchcock and Arm: Are you being served? Episode One

Mr Arm, stood behind the worn out oak counter, looking through the previous days receipts. Monday had been busy, as usual, and still some weekly accounts had not been settled. no need to panic, Rothchilds always paid its bill. Arm closed the receipt book, and began dusting the counter in readiness for opening time. Eight o'clock, sharp. In the forty years, they had been in the city, the shop ha...
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Funny story: The Mystery Of Puddleby Cove - Featuring The Spiffing Six - Episode Three

The Mystery Of Puddleby Cove - Featuring The Spiffing Six - Episode Three

Update - The story so far... The Spiffing Six (Of whom there are four, and a somewhat priapic dog,) have arrived at Aunt Peg's cottage at Puddleby Cove, and have encountered a mysterious figure, flitting about amongst the rocks in the cove, in a highly suspicious manner. The Spiffing Six attempted to pursue the suspicious character, but - hampered by overindulgence in food, Headbanger beer, and a...
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Funny story: The Next Level

The Next Level

Jean and I had been out three times in the last couple of weeks after chatting on the phone and by e-mail for a bit. I had answered her ad in the newspaper's dating section, and we seemed to get on pretty well. It was at our last date that Jean said she thought we should 'take things to the next level' when we got together next. To be honest, I was quite happy keeping things platonic - I hadn't...
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Funny story: Spanza47b. (Part Two)

Spanza47b. (Part Two)

"There you go Fred, get that down yer. So yeah, as I was sayin'. Damsel in distress so I got t' do what I can t' 'elp the lady out. So I goes trudgin' out onto me lawn with Spanza47b. She shows me where to stand so as t' be ready to give the stranded disc a push. Says she'll call out to me when she's ready. So she climbs back in up this sort ov ladder fing, and 'baat thirty seconds or so later...
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Funny story: Fighter Jet Flyovers: The Messy Money Shot of Awesome.

Fighter Jet Flyovers: The Messy Money Shot of Awesome.

The leggy blonde behind the microphone clears her throat one final time. The capacity crowd-already restless in anticipation of the first pitch on Opening Day-struggles to temper themselves. The players line the base paths, hats over hearts, shifting their weight from leg to leg as nerves tighten. Finally, a silky but dynamic voice fills the stadium. Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early...
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Funny story: Ireland's smallest author fails to make short list

Ireland's smallest author fails to make short list

In the run-up to the Man Booker Awards for fiction, Oimah Litlun has failed once again to make it on to the short list. At 3 feet 2 inches, Oimah Litlun is Ireland's shortest writer - although he has always been a big name on the Irish literature...
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Funny story: The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt I; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt I; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

It was upon the second morning after the first Christmas since my first marriage that I had called upon my friend Shylock Humes in order to wish him the compliments of the season. There had been a hard frost overnight, which had given the fresh snow of Boxing day the character of sugar icing. The vile alleys were full of frozen drunkards and perished prostitutes, and the urchin children begged...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp Chapter 5

Danbury Swamp Chapter 5

"My name is Shannon", the girl started sadly. "I am asking you these questions because I care for you and I'm bothering you because I really like you and why do I care why you drink that cranberry tea? I can tell you but it would take me all day and until tomorrow, until a quarter past three". Something about this girl struck the toad in a very peculiar way. It's a way that he had felt befor...
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Funny story: Flashman's European Adventures

Flashman's European Adventures

"Tally-ho!" yelled Flashman as he wrestled the evil Bosch Merkel. Her muscular arms attempted to hold him in a headlock but his chin was able to wriggle free. "Take that!" he squeaked, punching her in the stomach and ducking out through the side-door, treaty in hand. He faced his nemesis, the midget Sarkozy. "Oh god, not you!" he said snottily. Sarkozy took off his metal-brimmed hat and tri...
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Breaking News...

Simpsons Show to Kill Off Bart Simpson

"You could say the whole Bart concept was getting old, but actually we just couldn't take Nancy Cartwright's Scamatology ravings any longer" spoke the show's producers.
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