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Funny story: Twitter Birdies Go On Shopping Spree

Twitter Birdies Go On Shopping Spree

"Shop till you drop" doesn't apply only to humans. Twitter birdies, bored with their usual endeavors, have taken to shopping. Boy, have they taken to shopping! During the last few weeks, the best stores on Fifth Avenue in NYC have been packe...
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Funny story: Secrets of the Taliban Shopping Lists

Secrets of the Taliban Shopping Lists

The BBC has revealed what's hot on the typical Taliban shopping list. Aside from the usual fare of whores and heroin, 'Head and Shoulders' shampoo is a favourite because it sounds like somebody has already been beheaded, yet it also gets rid of dandr...
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Funny story: Visions in the Local Supermarket

Visions in the Local Supermarket

I take my lunch at the same time every damn day. At the appointed hour, I rise from my desk and vacate the building as quickly as possible (usually via the 1st floor window). Evading the guard dogs and searchlights, I take a five minute walk across a very busy road to the local Tesco for a sandwich, a packet of crisps and a critique of the human condition. In between bouts of awareness toward...
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Funny story: All-Saints Employees Causing Relationship Issues

All-Saints Employees Causing Relationship Issues

New research has revealed the biggest reason for couples arguing during shopping are the over-flirtatious employees of All-Saints. Up until recently it was the total time spent shopping, impulse purchases, or the total amount spent that would mos...
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Funny story: Progressives' Shopper Mart - The Premier E-tailing Site for Fully Enlightened Ideologues

Progressives' Shopper Mart - The Premier E-tailing Site for Fully Enlightened Ideologues

Here are some of the most desired items for those of you in elite political cliques who know who you are and espouse only the most enlightened ideas of utopian thought. Shop today and impress your friends at the next exclusive cocktail party! These...
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Funny story: Shopping Solutions for your special day

Shopping Solutions for your special day

For the budding or curious beginner transvestite, getting kitted out for that special "day out in a shopping mall" can be embarrassing, so here is our guide. 1) Midnight clothes borrowing. Make sure there are no wanted "weirdos" around apart from you. Put a black stocking on your head, get a long knife and go out in the dark with a bin bag to cut washing lines with, borrow clothes, put an i.o...
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Funny story: Walmart To Introduce A New Marketing Plan To Attract Richer Customers

Walmart To Introduce A New Marketing Plan To Attract Richer Customers

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - Walmart, the world's largest retail and food corporation has just announced a new marketing ploy for 2014. Company spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace informed the members of the press that the company had recently hired a hi...
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Funny story: Costco woos millennials and illegals

Costco woos millennials and illegals

A NEIGHBORHOOD NEAR YOU -- Costco's sales have declined as millennials take their place as adults in society's workforce. Used to living at home and having mom and dad foot their bills, many of the latest generation don't want to own a house, muc...
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Funny story: Runaway Sale at Local Consignment Center--or not

Runaway Sale at Local Consignment Center--or not

Consignment centers all over Louisville experienced what one businessman said was the "anti Target" effect. Customers infuriated with Target's inability to safeguard their data, even though they became expert at guessing when a woman was goin...
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Funny story: Dyson invents bagless bags

Dyson invents bagless bags

Plastic grocery bags will soon be a thing of the past as the innovative British inventor, James Dyson has patented a bagless grocery bag. The bagless is a centrifugal force based superconducting gravity magnet which works by controlling gravity t...
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Funny story: Denny's and J.C. Penney's To Merge And Become Denny Penneys

Denny's and J.C. Penney's To Merge And Become Denny Penneys

PLANO, Texas - Retail giant J.C. Penney, which is headquarted in Plano, Texas has just announced a big corporate merger. Penney's will be merging with the Denny's restaurant chain to form a new corporation which is being called Denny Penney's.
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Funny story: Walmart To Drop The Name Black Friday

Walmart To Drop The Name Black Friday

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - After yet another Black Friday shopping fiasco where people were shoved, pushed, and attacked, the world's largest retail chain has issued a statement. A Walmart representative stated to the news media that although the vas...
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Funny story: Some Black Friday Shoppers Don't Pussy Foot Around

Some Black Friday Shoppers Don't Pussy Foot Around

NEW YORK CITY - An NYPD policeman said that he has been a police officer for 14 years. Officer Dwayne Peckashevski, 39, said that he has been working security on Black Friday at various department stores for the past 10 years and he has never seen...
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Funny story: Top 22 Least Favorite Shops In The Mall

Top 22 Least Favorite Shops In The Mall

The following is a list of what has been voted as the worst stores in the Mall and will probably close right after the Holidays: 1. Burke & Hare's Used Jewelry & Gold Tooth Store 2. Old Navy Beans 3. Things Remembered But Best Forgotten 4. Ferrets R Us 5. Victoria's Succretes 6. Shoes That Stretch 7. Just The Thong 8. Ye Olde Lice Cream Shop...
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Funny story: Salesmen Find Value in 'Good Cop, Bad Cop'

Salesmen Find Value in 'Good Cop, Bad Cop'

Coco Deet, 26, a salesman at the new clothing store, Shoppers Unite, recently discovered how effective the technique, "Good Cop, Bad Cop," can be when applied to potential shoppers. "Since the economy has been so bad, our store has really suffered...
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Funny story: Lady Steals Frozen Chickens

Lady Steals Frozen Chickens

A compulsive shoplifter was admitted to hospital in Margate today suffering from hypothermia. Gladys McGurgle of Conker Road was accused of theft from Tesco on Saturday. Police said that in addition to several other items, Mrs McGurgle had taken...
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Funny story: Shia LeBeouf Makes Cameo in 'Black Friday IV' Trailer

Shia LeBeouf Makes Cameo in 'Black Friday IV' Trailer

Shia LeBeouf plays a sexy, sharpshooting stranger in the new live-action trailer for "Black Friday IV," due out Nov. 7 for playstations and xboxes. The minute-long trailer, set in the post-Thanksgiving Day ruins of a large retail outlet, features...
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Funny story: Supermarket bans the sale of lads' bags in its stores

Supermarket bans the sale of lads' bags in its stores

Lads' bags will not be sold in thousands of Ladl Stores after the company said that most lads look stupid with such bags. Manufacturers of man-bags are angry that their new line in lads' bags is causing such a storm. "We thought they were a g...
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Santa's Grotto now to include Customer Returns Line

Unwanted Presents can now be returned over a Lapland phone - line. Elves won't man phones as headsets incompatible with Ears.
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