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Funny satire stories about Shoplifting

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Thefts reveal retail giant's plans to sell "adults-only items"

Funny story: Thefts reveal retail giant's plans to sell "adults-only items"

BUG TUSSLE, AK -- Despite its treatment of its employees, many of whom receive minimum wages and no health or other benefits, Mallwart has the reputation, whether deserved or not, of being a "family-friendly" retailer. However, in the wake of rece...

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Free food at your supermarket? Every little helps!

In a bid to increase its profile, national supermarket chain Asburyco are going to allow those suffering under the cut backs to have free food in a soup kitchen / food parcel kind of arrangement. During daylight hours any participant can go to any...

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Flash Mob Teens Met By Flash Mob Police Dogs

Funny story: Flash Mob Teens Met By Flash Mob Police Dogs

HACKENSACK, New Jersey - A group of about 20 teenagers who went into Stefano Silvestri's Shirt Shop got the surprise of their young lives. The teens thought that they could just barge in and help themselves to whatever shirts they wanted free of c...

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Cops stay mum on shoplifting royals

Funny story: Cops stay mum on shoplifting royals

London - Last weekend's 'despicable' theft of a £25,000 poppy brooch meant for public display on Katherine Jenkins' Festival of Remembrance bosom may have triggered a royal pilfering cover-up scandal media sources warned today. Hundreds of files a...

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Confectionery Thief Gets Life

Funny story: Confectionery Thief Gets Life

A man who stole a packet of Munchies from a major UK supermarket chain will spend the rest of his life behind bars. After a somewhat unnecessary twelve day trial at the Old Bailey, David Francis, 27, was said to have committed "a deliberate and t...

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Lindsay Lohan is a Thrill Seeker

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan is a Thrill Seeker

Lindsay "Thrill Seeker" Lohan just has to have her fingers in the cookie jar somehow. She's not content with getting a cookie and enjoying it. No, she has to get the cookie when her mother has told her "no more cookies". The cookies she gets without...

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Shoplifting Bonanza!

Funny story: Shoplifting Bonanza!

In a far sighted and highly progressive move Humberside Police have been prioritising their daily workload in order to give staff longer tea and lunch breaks and to minimise the time wasted on actually trying to catch criminals, all of which costs mo...

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Gordon Brown caught shoplifting

Prime Minister Gordon Brown was caught by store detectives at his local Tesco store leaving with a calculator which he hadn't paid for. When stopped by security, he immediately admitted that he hadn't paid for it and offered to pay straight away.

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Arsehole Shoplifter Caught Red Rubber Glove Handed

Funny story: Arsehole Shoplifter Caught Red Rubber Glove Handed

A cheeky shoplifter's ten year thieving spree came to an abrupt end recently when he was arrested after being spotted by an eagle eyed shop assistant in Harold's Department Store in London's trendy Knightsbridge. Ava Gander, 29, an interfering cow...

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The Fonz Arrested For Stealing

Funny story: The Fonz Arrested For Stealing

Arthur Fonzarelli (a.k.a. the Fonz, a.k.a. Fonzie) was arrested for theft in Minnesota's Mall of America. 72 year old Mr. Fonzarelle was witnessed by a security guard to approach a vending machine, hit the side, and get a free drink. The Fonz has b...

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1000 CCTV Cameras For One Conviction

Funny story: 1000 CCTV Cameras For One Conviction

One thousand CCTV cameras are used to secure every conviction of every criminal in Britain! This impressive statistic was provided by the Society Of Camera Retailers And Professionals (SOCRAP) at the society's annual awards dinner. "This means...

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Terry Pratchett - Most Shoplifted Author In History

Funny story: Terry Pratchett - Most Shoplifted Author In History

Public Lending Right - whoever they are today released a statement to the effect that the most borrowed book from UK libraries over the past twelve months was : Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. However, of far more interest to the kind of peo...

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How to handle the credit crunch

Funny story: How to handle the credit crunch

A credit expert today gave his expert opinion on how to avoid running up large credit debt. Shoplift, he said, instead of using the plastic, use the old five finger discount. This strategy has been in practice for many years and is tried and tr...

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Shoplifters say British economy IS as bad as it gets

Funny story: Shoplifters say British economy IS as bad as it gets

According to the NAS - the National Association of Shoplifters - there is no noticeable slowdown in the rate of the decline in the British economy.

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Winona Ryder Caught Shoplifting Again

Funny story: Winona Ryder Caught Shoplifting Again

The former child star and Oscar nominated actress Winona Ryder was caught shoplifting again. This time, it was make-up from a Hollywood drug store (her previous shoplifting conviction was for $5000 worth of clothes). No charges will be filed agains...

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Britain No Longer "A Nation Of Shopkeepers"

Funny story: Britain No Longer "A Nation Of Shopkeepers"

An official European Union statement released today shows that, in Europe, Britain is no longer regarded as "a nation of shopkeepers", but is, instead, thought of more as "a nation of shoplifte...

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Winona Ryder Finally Answers Questions On Shoplifting Incident

Funny story: Winona Ryder Finally Answers Questions On Shoplifting Incident

Actress Winona Ryder has finally come clean and opened up to reporters on her famous December, 2001 shoplifting incident at a California Sak's Fifth Avenue. Speaking from a press room at the Beverly Hills Hilton, Winona offered the following sta...

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Winona finally speaks: "It was all a mistake"

Funny story: Winona finally speaks: "It was all a mistake"

After 6 years of silence, Winona Ryder has finally spoken out about THAT shoplifting episode, when she was caught red-handed with her pants round her ankles, and her sticky fingers in the till.

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Breaking news…

New Bill Would Give Guns Citizenship

Sen. Ted Cruz (TX-R) introduced a bill {BLAKA} that would give guns US citizenship, along with the right to vote and own weapons. Asked about how they felt about this bill a gun said "bang bang click"
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