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Funny satire stories about Shoplifting

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Funny story: Free food at your supermarket? Every little helps!

Free food at your supermarket? Every little helps!

In a bid to increase its profile, national supermarket chain Asburyco are going to allow those suffering under the cut backs to have free food in a soup kitchen / food parcel kind of arrangement. During daylight hours any participant can go to any...
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Funny story: Flash Mob Teens Met By Flash Mob Police Dogs

Flash Mob Teens Met By Flash Mob Police Dogs

HACKENSACK, New Jersey - A group of about 20 teenagers who went into Stefano Silvestri's Shirt Shop got the surprise of their young lives. The teens thought that they could just barge in and help themselves to whatever shirts they wanted free of c...
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Funny story: Cops stay mum on shoplifting royals

Cops stay mum on shoplifting royals

London - Last weekend's 'despicable' theft of a £25,000 poppy brooch meant for public display on Katherine Jenkins' Festival of Remembrance bosom may have triggered a royal pilfering cover-up scandal media sources warned today. Hundreds of files a...
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Funny story: Confectionery Thief Gets Life

Confectionery Thief Gets Life

A man who stole a packet of Munchies from a major UK supermarket chain will spend the rest of his life behind bars. After a somewhat unnecessary twelve day trial at the Old Bailey, David Francis, 27, was said to have committed "a deliberate and t...
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Funny story: Lindsay Lohan is a Thrill Seeker

Lindsay Lohan is a Thrill Seeker

Lindsay "Thrill Seeker" Lohan just has to have her fingers in the cookie jar somehow. She's not content with getting a cookie and enjoying it. No, she has to get the cookie when her mother has told her "no more cookies". The cookies she gets without...
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Funny story: Shoplifting Bonanza!

Shoplifting Bonanza!

In a far sighted and highly progressive move Humberside Police have been prioritising their daily workload in order to give staff longer tea and lunch breaks and to minimise the time wasted on actually trying to catch criminals, all of which costs mo...
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Funny story: Gordon Brown caught shoplifting

Gordon Brown caught shoplifting

Prime Minister Gordon Brown was caught by store detectives at his local Tesco store leaving with a calculator which he hadn't paid for. When stopped by security, he immediately admitted that he hadn't paid for it and offered to pay straight away.
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Funny story: Arsehole Shoplifter Caught Red Rubber Glove Handed

Arsehole Shoplifter Caught Red Rubber Glove Handed

A cheeky shoplifter's ten year thieving spree came to an abrupt end recently when he was arrested after being spotted by an eagle eyed shop assistant in Harold's Department Store in London's trendy Knightsbridge. Ava Gander, 29, an interfering cow...
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Funny story: The Fonz Arrested For Stealing

The Fonz Arrested For Stealing

Arthur Fonzarelli (a.k.a. the Fonz, a.k.a. Fonzie) was arrested for theft in Minnesota's Mall of America. 72 year old Mr. Fonzarelle was witnessed by a security guard to approach a vending machine, hit the side, and get a free drink. The Fonz has b...
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Funny story: 1000 CCTV Cameras For One Conviction

1000 CCTV Cameras For One Conviction

One thousand CCTV cameras are used to secure every conviction of every criminal in Britain! This impressive statistic was provided by the Society Of Camera Retailers And Professionals (SOCRAP) at the society's annual awards dinner. "This means...
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Funny story: Terry Pratchett - Most Shoplifted Author In History

Terry Pratchett - Most Shoplifted Author In History

Public Lending Right - whoever they are today released a statement to the effect that the most borrowed book from UK libraries over the past twelve months was : Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. However, of far more interest to the kind of peo...
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Funny story: How to handle the credit crunch

How to handle the credit crunch

A credit expert today gave his expert opinion on how to avoid running up large credit debt. Shoplift, he said, instead of using the plastic, use the old five finger discount. This strategy has been in practice for many years and is tried and tr...
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Funny story: Shoplifters say British economy IS as bad as it gets

Shoplifters say British economy IS as bad as it gets

According to the NAS - the National Association of Shoplifters - there is no noticeable slowdown in the rate of the decline in the British economy.
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Funny story: Winona Ryder Caught Shoplifting Again

Winona Ryder Caught Shoplifting Again

The former child star and Oscar nominated actress Winona Ryder was caught shoplifting again. This time, it was make-up from a Hollywood drug store (her previous shoplifting conviction was for $5000 worth of clothes). No charges will be filed agains...
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Funny story: Britain No Longer "A Nation Of Shopkeepers"

Britain No Longer "A Nation Of Shopkeepers"

An official European Union statement released today shows that, in Europe, Britain is no longer regarded as "a nation of shopkeepers", but is, instead, thought of more as "a nation of shoplifte...
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Funny story: Winona Ryder Finally Answers Questions On Shoplifting Incident

Winona Ryder Finally Answers Questions On Shoplifting Incident

Actress Winona Ryder has finally come clean and opened up to reporters on her famous December, 2001 shoplifting incident at a California Sak's Fifth Avenue. Speaking from a press room at the Beverly Hills Hilton, Winona offered the following sta...
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Funny story: Winona finally speaks: "It was all a mistake"

Winona finally speaks: "It was all a mistake"

After 6 years of silence, Winona Ryder has finally spoken out about THAT shoplifting episode, when she was caught red-handed with her pants round her ankles, and her sticky fingers in the till.
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Funny story: Jennifer Wilbanks Couldn't Shoplift Fiancé's Virginity

Jennifer Wilbanks Couldn't Shoplift Fiancé's Virginity

Convicted shoplifter Jennifer Wilbanks grew increasingly frustrated by her inability to seduce "born again virgin" John Mason. It is thought that Jennifer even took John on shoplifting expeditions to Victoria's Secret - thinking that the thrill of st...
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