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Don Valley Stadium fights back for Nick Clegg

Funny story: Don Valley Stadium fights back for Nick Clegg

Despite facing possible closure as a result of government stupidity, Sheffield's Don Valley Stadium has shown its mettle by coming out fighting in order to save Nick Clegg. A spokesman for the stadium, Donald Valley (no relation) said that while t...

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Sheffield declared an island after UK submerged

Funny story: Sheffield declared an island after UK submerged

Sheffield remains the only city in the UK not to be submerged under at least an inch of water, leading major map manufacturers to redraw the island of the UK as just a small blob near the Isle of Man with a few scattered islands around it. "The wh...

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Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 17 - Final Day

Funny story: Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 17 - Final Day

Ronnie O'Sullivan is the 2012 World Snooker Champion after potting his way to a 18-11 win over Ali Carter. Resuming 10-7 ahead overnight, Rocket Ronnie never looked in danger of surrendering the lead and pocketed a 141 break - the highest in the history of the Final. Ronnie was also the oldest winner, at 36, since Ray Reardon in 1978. Carter did manage three frames in a row during the afternoon...

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Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 16 - Final

Funny story: Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 16 - Final

So today is the first day of the All-Essex Final, between 'Rocket' Ronnie O'Sullivan and Ali Carter 'the unstoppable snooker machine'. Ronnie reached the final beating three previous world champs in the first three rounds - Peter Ebdon 10-4, Mark Williams 13-6, and Neil Roberston 13-10. In the semi-final he beat Matthew Stevens 17-10. After a convincing 10-2 win over Mark Davis in the first...

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Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up Day 14 - Semi-finals

Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up Day 14 - Semi-finals

Today is the first day of the semi-finals, which last three days (compared to the two day final) There was no morning play, so I had to make do with Phil and Holly instead on This Morning. In a real emergency I could watch Ross Kemp In Afghanistan on DVD, but i normally save that for when Ross visits. He gave me a signed copy you know. Might fetch a few quid on ebay. We are down to one table...

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Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Roundup Day 13

Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Roundup Day 13

First up, the remaining quarter-final results. Matthew Stevens beat Ryan Day 13-5 After trailing in the first session, Stevens reeled off 11 frames in a row to progress to the semi-finals, the sixth of his Crucible career, but first since a final defeat to Shaun Murphy in 2005. Ronnie O'Sullivan beat Neil Robertson 13-10 O'Sullivan overturned a 5-3 first session deficit to win by three fr...

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Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 12

Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 12

Day two of the Quarter-Finals. Stephen Maguire beat Stephen Hendry 13-2 After a great start, Maguire finished off Hendry in two sessions, giving him an afternoon session off - but Hendry has plans for even more time off - by announcing his retirement after the match! After an incredible career, including 27 years at the Crucible, winning seven world titles, 36 ranking tournaments in total,...

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Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 11

Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 11

QUARTER-FINAL SCHEDULE Stephen Hendry (Sco) v Stephen Maguire (Sco) Jamie Jones (Wales) v Ali Carter (Eng) Ronnie O'Sullivan (Eng) v Neil Robertson (Aus) Ryan Day (Wal) v Matthew Stevens (Wal) All four quarters cue off today, still best of 25, first to 13, and scheduled to last 3 sessions. That could be in doubt with the first match, as Stephen Maguire thumped fellow scot Stephen Hendry 7-1...

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Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 10

Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 10

Today is the last day in the second round and Ali Carter, Matthew Stevens, Ronnie O'Sullivan and Jamie Jones all book their place in the Quarter-Finals. Jamie Jones is definitely not the same Jamie Jones who plays in goal for Leyton Orient. It would be spooky if he were, as Barry Hearn is the Chairman of Leyton Orient and World Snooker. Everyone would call it a fix. And we had enough of that tw...

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Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 9

Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 9

Today saw the finish of the Joe Perry v Stephen Maguire match - which I have tenuously linked to Jerry Maguire - as in Perry Maguire - geddit? No-one said writing a daily snooker blog would be easy. With foresight, I should have linked this match to yesterdays (Day 8) marriage proposal at the Crucible by Brian Wright to Lisa Dunks. "You had me at hello..." Theirs no Tom Cruise in the arena...

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Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 7

Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 7

The draw for the second round includes a few science, film and musical references to keep us interested.. Higgins v Hendry. Perry v Maguire - Show Me The Money?? Jones v Higginson Carter v Trump Williams v O'Sullivan Gilbert v Robertson - (shouldn't it be Gilbert v Sullivan?) Day v Yupeng Stevens v Hawkins... The games are already underway and Robertson is the first man into the last...

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Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round Up Day 6

Funny story: Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round Up Day 6

Well as the first round nears completion, so far half of the sixteen seeds have been beaten. World number one Mark Selby became the record-equalling eighth seed to be eliminated after a heavy 10-3 defeat by Barry Hawkins. The jester from Leicester who reached the World final in 2007 wasn't laughing much at this result. Other seeds to bite the (chalk) dust are Great Scot Graeme Dott, Ste...

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Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round Up Day 5

Funny story: Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round Up Day 5

Mark Williams beat Liu Chuang 10-6 to set up a match with another former winner Ronnie O'Sullivan. The Welshman has never beaten Ronnie at the Crucible in three attempts. Williams was booed by the crowd for comments where he said he hates the Crucible and the tournament should move to China. Perhaps he really likes the food there? Speaking of food, Ali Carter beat Mark Davis 10-2 and will f...

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Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 4

Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 4

The expected fireworks between Ronnie O'Sullivan and Peter Ebdon never materialized - perhaps Health & Safety sent them a memo? Ronnie won comfortably by 10-4 and could face Mark Williams in the next round. Also through is Andrew Higginson who beat Stephen Lee 10-6. Andrew Higginson is not from Finland, therefore he is not the son of John (or Alex) Higgins. Former champ Shaun Murphy w...

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Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 3

Funny story: Ross Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round Up Day 3

They say the sign of a misspent youth is being a good snooker player. Well Belgian teen Luca Brecel must have grown up playing snooker using a stool to reach the table. He is the fifth seventeen year old in the history of the game to reach the Crucible - and he scored a century on his debut to celebrate - although it wasn't enough for him to beat Stephen Maguire, going down by 10-6 to the Scot.

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Worlds fastest snooker star will play worlds slowest in World Snooker Championship

Funny story: Worlds fastest snooker star will play worlds slowest in World Snooker Championship

The worlds fastest snooker star will play the worlds slowest in the first round of the World Snooker Championship this saturday at the Crucible in Sheffield. Dutch Rocket Ronnie O'Hareman and Peter 'Tortoise' Elbow will cue off at 10am on Saturday...

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Pennines are to be moved back

Funny story: Pennines are to be moved back

Only weeks into the project of moving the Pennines thirty miles east, it has been decided to move them back again. However, due to the nature of the move, the Pennines will have to be completely moved thirty miles east before moving them thirty miles...

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The Pennines are to be moved

Funny story: The Pennines are to be moved

The Pennines, a range of hills that run down the back bone of England, are to be moved thirty miles east to make room for a high speed rail link between Leeds and London. "High speed rail links need flat land," said engineer, Ray L Weigh. "The Pen...

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Breaking news…

Wallis Simpson And Meghan Markle

Somewhere in heaven, Wallis Simpson is smiling and applauding Meghan Markle’s wedding to Prince Harry: an American, an actress and a divorcee. Wow! Everything else is just sparkle. Smart guy, Harry.
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