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Funny satire stories about Sexual Assault

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Leaked transcript from secret meeting between Donald Trump & Roy Moore

Funny story: Leaked transcript from secret meeting between Donald Trump & Roy Moore

Donald Trump: "You're going to do amazing things for the great state of Alabama, Roy. Now get out there and grab em by the pussy!" Roy Moore: "Oh I get it now! You meant it as an expression! Like 'go get em' or 'break a leg.' This damn Fake News i...

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Hey girls, here's 20 things to tell Harvey Weinstein to get out of his clutches -

Funny story: Hey girls, here's 20 things to tell Harvey Weinstein to get out of his clutches -

1) Harvey, my boyfriend is a bodyguard for Vladimir Putin. On weekends, he bounces at biker bars. 2) Harvey, my boyfriend only plays chess with serial killers. The loser always gets hacked to pieces with a machete'. 3) Harvey, I have a headache...

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NASA forced to reconsider colonizing new planet after aliens report violent attacks

Funny story: NASA forced to reconsider colonizing new planet after aliens report violent attacks

After restarting the NASA program that lie dormant under the Obama Administration, NASA had finally discovered a planet that was fit for human habitation. They needed volunteers to inhabit the discovered planet. As a condition for funding the project...

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US Senate To Investigate Recent Rash Of Feminist Crotch Grabbing Incidents

Funny story: US Senate To Investigate Recent Rash Of Feminist Crotch Grabbing Incidents

After a topless feminist protester grabbed President Trump by the crotch while he was visiting a wax museum in Madrid, Spain, a wave of copycat attacks have plagued men who are caught alone in elevators, offices and public places. As the attacks...

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Central Park Five Take Out Ad Supporting Death Penalty For Donald Trump

Funny story: Central Park Five Take Out Ad Supporting Death Penalty For Donald Trump

In a surprising twist the men who were coerced as teens into making a false confession of rape are now openly calling for the death penalty to punish Donald Trump. The Central Park Five have even taken out an ad in the Daily News, the same newspaper...

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Cosby And Trump Start Support Group For Wrongfully Accused Billionaires

Funny story: Cosby And Trump Start Support Group For Wrongfully Accused Billionaires

Donald Trump, the man who heaped blistering criticism on Bill Cosby for drugging and raping women without a prenup, is now joining forces with the embattled comedian. B.L.A.M., or Billionaire's Lives Also Matter, is the new support and counseling...

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Melania Trump Calls Donald A "Boy"

Funny story: Melania Trump Calls Donald A "Boy"

Melania Trump defended her husband to CNN's Anderson Cooper against sexual assault charges saying, "It's just boy talk." "When I'm at home I feel like I have two boys there, Junior and Barron, age 10." Ms. Trump continued, "Actually, sometimes...

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Sales Of Tic Tacs Sour On Trump

Funny story: Sales Of Tic Tacs Sour On Trump

After tapes surfaced where Donald Trump talked about using Tic Tacs before sexually assaulting women, sales of the breath mints have plummeted worldwide. Manny Charenselov, who runs a small newsstand in a downtown Denver office high rise, has noti...

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NFL Players Must Wear Ankle Bracelets

Funny story: NFL Players Must Wear Ankle Bracelets

When you're paid to hit people on the job you might take that home with you, or in your car, at a bar, in a nightclub, or in a parking lot dispute. NFL players are spoiled, they feel entitled. They believe they're outside the rules and that even i...

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Stanford rapist Brock Turner to be awarded medal for bravery

SANTA CLARA, Calif. -- Ealier this week it was announced that convicted Stanford rapist Brock Turner would be released after serving half of his six month jail sentence. The Santa Clara District Attorney's office has now released a statement anno...

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Lurid Details Emerge In Siri, Watson Stalking Case.

Funny story: Lurid Details Emerge In Siri, Watson Stalking Case.

IBM's Watson has been accused by Apple's Siri of stalking and sexual harassment and her creators are seeking a multi-billion dollar judgement against IBM. After police refused to file charges in a bizarre and highly publicized case, Apple's Siri t...

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Lackluster Musician's Vindictive Nature Causes Irreparable Damage

In standard teenage-girl-throwing-a-tantrum format, the talentless nobody, Amber Coffman, dramatically accused well known-music publicist, Heathcliff Berru, of sexual assault. On Monday afternoon, Coffman, best-known for her vocal contribution to...

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Police seek clues in Cosby sitcoms

Funny story: Police seek clues in Cosby sitcoms

Now that Bill Cosby has been accused of sexually assaulting myriads of women, authorities are reviewing the episodes of his TV sitcoms, named after himself, to see whether any episodes contain clues concerning the alleged assaults. Cosby starred i...

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Jameis Winston Hopes Crab Legs Incident Overshadows Sexual Assault Allegations

TALLAHASSEE - In 2012, Winston was accused of sexual assault by a female student. The medical examination showed the victim had injuries indicative of sexual trauma; in addition, the victim identified Winston as the attacker. However, the Tallahassee...

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Limbaugh Hoisted Up On Own Petard

Funny story: Limbaugh Hoisted Up On Own Petard

Speaking on Ohio State's new sexual assault policy, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh had his own ideas of what consent to sex means. "How many guys, in your own experience with women, have learned that no means yes if you know how to spot it?...

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US military commander urges special biscuits and other measures to control lust in the troops

Funny story: US military commander urges special biscuits and other measures to control lust in the troops

An unspecified spokesperson has come forward to speak for the unspecified commander who told a military rape victim she was at fault for being attacked in 2012. According to this commander, she must assume complete responsibility, because she was...

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Catholic Leaders Protest Sex-Abuse Investigations- "These Traumatic Surprise Intrusions Violate Our Privacy"

Funny story: Catholic Leaders Protest Sex-Abuse Investigations- "These Traumatic Surprise Intrusions Violate Our Privacy"

ROME - Claiming that "presumptuous and thuggish impositions of will have disrupted the peace of our lives," a consortium of Catholic leaders around the world has formed in vehement protest of "traumatizing and intrusive" police investigations into re...

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2 female obese serial killers cause havoc in Ramsbottom, Lancashire!

Funny story: 2 female obese serial killers cause havoc in Ramsbottom, Lancashire!

Two fat ladies (not singing) have been identified as serial killers in Ramsbottom, Lancashire UK, after a series of male, dead bodies, had been fished out of the River Ogden by fly-fishers with nothing better to do. The local police were bemused...

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Breaking news…

Philadelphia Eagles Only Need 2-Passenger Corvette For Official White House Visit After Winning Super Bowl Team

The delegation was the team coach who lost the coin toss and the team driver. The rest boycotted.
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