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Funny satire stories about Sexual Assault

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Funny story: NASA forced to reconsider colonizing new planet after aliens report violent attacks

NASA forced to reconsider colonizing new planet after aliens report violent attacks

After restarting the NASA program that lie dormant under the Obama Administration, NASA had finally discovered a planet that was fit for human habitation. They needed volunteers to inhabit the discovered planet. As a condition for funding the project...
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Funny story: US Senate To Investigate Recent Rash Of Feminist Crotch Grabbing Incidents

US Senate To Investigate Recent Rash Of Feminist Crotch Grabbing Incidents

After a topless feminist protester grabbed President Trump by the crotch while he was visiting a wax museum in Madrid, Spain, a wave of copycat attacks have plagued men who are caught alone in elevators, offices and public places. As the attacks...
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Funny story: Central Park Five Take Out Ad Supporting Death Penalty For Donald Trump

Central Park Five Take Out Ad Supporting Death Penalty For Donald Trump

In a surprising twist the men who were coerced as teens into making a false confession of rape are now openly calling for the death penalty to punish Donald Trump. The Central Park Five have even taken out an ad in the Daily News, the same newspaper...
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Funny story: Cosby And Trump Start Support Group For Wrongfully Accused Billionaires

Cosby And Trump Start Support Group For Wrongfully Accused Billionaires

Donald Trump, the man who heaped blistering criticism on Bill Cosby for drugging and raping women without a prenup, is now joining forces with the embattled comedian. B.L.A.M., or Billionaire's Lives Also Matter, is the new support and counseling...
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Funny story: Melania Trump Calls Donald A "Boy"

Melania Trump Calls Donald A "Boy"

Melania Trump defended her husband to CNN's Anderson Cooper against sexual assault charges saying, "It's just boy talk." "When I'm at home I feel like I have two boys there, Junior and Barron, age 10." Ms. Trump continued, "Actually, sometimes...
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Funny story: Sales Of Tic Tacs Sour On Trump

Sales Of Tic Tacs Sour On Trump

After tapes surfaced where Donald Trump talked about using Tic Tacs before sexually assaulting women, sales of the breath mints have plummeted worldwide. Manny Charenselov, who runs a small newsstand in a downtown Denver office high rise, has noti...
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Funny story: NFL Players Must Wear Ankle Bracelets

NFL Players Must Wear Ankle Bracelets

When you're paid to hit people on the job you might take that home with you, or in your car, at a bar, in a nightclub, or in a parking lot dispute. NFL players are spoiled, they feel entitled. They believe they're outside the rules and that even i...
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Funny story: Stanford rapist Brock Turner to be awarded medal for bravery

Stanford rapist Brock Turner to be awarded medal for bravery

SANTA CLARA, Calif. -- Ealier this week it was announced that convicted Stanford rapist Brock Turner would be released after serving half of his six month jail sentence. The Santa Clara District Attorney's office has now released a statement anno...
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Funny story: Lurid Details Emerge In Siri, Watson Stalking Case.

Lurid Details Emerge In Siri, Watson Stalking Case.

IBM's Watson has been accused by Apple's Siri of stalking and sexual harassment and her creators are seeking a multi-billion dollar judgement against IBM. After police refused to file charges in a bizarre and highly publicized case, Apple's Siri t...
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Funny story: Lackluster Musician's Vindictive Nature Causes Irreparable Damage

Lackluster Musician's Vindictive Nature Causes Irreparable Damage

In standard teenage-girl-throwing-a-tantrum format, the talentless nobody, Amber Coffman, dramatically accused well known-music publicist, Heathcliff Berru, of sexual assault. On Monday afternoon, Coffman, best-known for her vocal contribution to...
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Funny story: Police seek clues in Cosby sitcoms

Police seek clues in Cosby sitcoms

Now that Bill Cosby has been accused of sexually assaulting myriads of women, authorities are reviewing the episodes of his TV sitcoms, named after himself, to see whether any episodes contain clues concerning the alleged assaults. Cosby starred i...
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Funny story: Jameis Winston Hopes Crab Legs Incident Overshadows Sexual Assault Allegations

Jameis Winston Hopes Crab Legs Incident Overshadows Sexual Assault Allegations

TALLAHASSEE - In 2012, Winston was accused of sexual assault by a female student. The medical examination showed the victim had injuries indicative of sexual trauma; in addition, the victim identified Winston as the attacker. However, the Tallahassee...
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Funny story: Limbaugh Hoisted Up On Own Petard

Limbaugh Hoisted Up On Own Petard

Speaking on Ohio State's new sexual assault policy, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh had his own ideas of what consent to sex means. "How many guys, in your own experience with women, have learned that no means yes if you know how to spot it?...
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Funny story: US military commander urges special biscuits and other measures to control lust in the troops

US military commander urges special biscuits and other measures to control lust in the troops

An unspecified spokesperson has come forward to speak for the unspecified commander who told a military rape victim she was at fault for being attacked in 2012. According to this commander, she must assume complete responsibility, because she was...
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Funny story: Catholic Leaders Protest Sex-Abuse Investigations- "These Traumatic Surprise Intrusions Violate Our Privacy"

Catholic Leaders Protest Sex-Abuse Investigations- "These Traumatic Surprise Intrusions Violate Our Privacy"

ROME - Claiming that "presumptuous and thuggish impositions of will have disrupted the peace of our lives," a consortium of Catholic leaders around the world has formed in vehement protest of "traumatizing and intrusive" police investigations into re...
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Funny story: 2 female obese serial killers cause havoc in Ramsbottom, Lancashire!

2 female obese serial killers cause havoc in Ramsbottom, Lancashire!

Two fat ladies (not singing) have been identified as serial killers in Ramsbottom, Lancashire UK, after a series of male, dead bodies, had been fished out of the River Ogden by fly-fishers with nothing better to do. The local police were bemused...
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Funny story: Canary Foils Sex Attack

Canary Foils Sex Attack

A five year old canary, from Leyton Buzzard, has been today awarded the congressional medal of honour for saving his owner from a would be sex attack. The canary, named Murray, flapped in the face of fear and repeatedly defecated on the attacker u...
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Funny story: Sexual violence fails to prove a hit with TV viewers

Sexual violence fails to prove a hit with TV viewers

Channel 4's latest attempt to fill the void left by Big Brother has been abandoned after a record number of complaints from viewers The show, You've Been Morally Compromised, combined elements of the popular candid camera and clip shows of the 80s...
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Breaking News...

Congressman Conyers's Predatory Sexual Harassing Misunderstood

Former female staffer of Conyers reports being called into his DC office only to find him wearing only boxers. But she didn't know he was only practicing to be Chief Underpants Officer of the House.
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