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Funny satire stories about Seaton Carew

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The Seaton Carew Diaries: Thursday 7th June 2012

Funny story: The Seaton Carew Diaries: Thursday 7th June 2012

Well, I had some blinding news this week, real fucking blinding. I don't have a fuel card for my company car, but I can claim back my business miles. Now this might sound good, but if I only drive to the office and back from Monday to Friday then I travel 700 miles and all of them 700 miles are personal and therefore I cannot claim. But, you are probably thinking, when you do business miles the...

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Bad Luck Follows Good for Disheartened Local Man

Funny story: Bad Luck Follows Good for Disheartened Local Man

Local Man and One Time Failed Evangelist, Seaton Carew (42), today revealed that he is the recent recipient of the good news that he has been waiting so long for. Unfortunately, the wannabe wastrel had to wait no time at all for a bout of bad news...

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Local Man Waiting Again

Funny story: Local Man Waiting Again

Local Man and One Time Busy Person, Seaton Carew, is once again waiting. Having spent the majority of the year carrying out very little waiting due to having stuff to do, the wannabe failed entrepreneur has suddenly found himself in the unenviable...

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Local Man Planning to Do Something

Funny story: Local Man Planning to Do Something

Local Man and One Time Wannabe Entrepreneur, Seaton Carew, today announced that he was considering a return to actually doing something to see if it would be noticed. Carew, previously an ex-thespian and almost ran, has admitted that he hasn't don...

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Chapter 7: Yorkshire Puddings

Funny story: Chapter 7: Yorkshire Puddings

Previously in this Multi-Titled Collaboration: Passing Newcastle, Durham and Middlesborough as rapidly as possible, QM and George, alias, you know who by now, knew there would be a problem further down the road as they approached Tyke (Yorkshire for our US colleagues) territory. Whilst the others headed for a small, partially functioning but unknown to most Airport in the small North Yorkshir...

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Local Man in Hayfever Scare

Funny story: Local Man in Hayfever Scare

Local Man, and Seasonal Hayfever Sufferer, Seaton Carew Today Nearly Became the victim of a potentially day-changing health scare. Carew, 41 and currently on holiday in Egypt, woke in his hotel bed to the sounds of fake lawn mowers cutting the fak...

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Mybster To Dunbeath: The Journey Continues..

Funny story: Mybster To Dunbeath: The Journey Continues..

First leg. Second leg. Eventually, many hours and beers later, they stumbled through the door of the Auld Post Office, and were confronted with the alarming sight of.................Nick Hobbs eating a falafel. It was alarming because both Seaton and JO knew that the Auld Post Office didn't sell falafel, so where had Nick got it from? "Hi guys!" said Nick, spitting falafel all over h...

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Thurso to Mybster, The Journey Continues.

Funny story: Thurso to Mybster, The Journey Continues.

The Story So Far............. Never Wanting To Get Involved at This Early Stage, Seaton Carew dragged his sorry arse from his bed and was nearly physically sick when he saw the time. The Bed & Breakfast in which he was staying, in Scrabster on the outskirts of Thusro, was a bit of of a flea pit. Worse than that, it was a shit pit and he was glad to be leaving. Climbing wearily onto hi...

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Slow Cooked Foraged Food

Funny story: Slow Cooked Foraged Food

Following the success of recently published series of Recipe and Vegipe books specially written for the slow cooker enthusiast, the latest edition turns it's metaphorical hand to a more 'natural', if not necessarily organic, collection of meals. Fungi in Buttercup Butter Originally meant to be Mushrooms in Garlic Butter, this recipe is much easier if any old type of mushroom or toadstool is...

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WAIT.....It's All Over Now for Local Man

Funny story: WAIT.....It's All Over Now for Local Man

Finally, after what seems like Eons and Eons, the wait for local man Seaton Carew is finally over. It all started in April 2010 when the ex-thespian mistakenly consumed around 600 units of Polish alcohol and found himself arguing with his own shadow. After losing the arguement, the foolish wannabe entrepreneur decided to teach himself a lesson and dialled 999. Seconds later the local street,...

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Local Man Looks Forward to Waiting Now Waiting is Over

Funny story: Local Man Looks Forward to Waiting Now Waiting is Over

Local Man, and one-time entrepreneur, Seaton Carew today announced he was looking forward to waiting for his new business venture to explode into the public eye now that his seven month wait for his charity work is coming to an end. The charity work, which involved playing dominoes and bingo with old people, finishes on Wednesday and whilst it was sometime rewarding Carew, 41, was not immune to...

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Local Man Attends School Reunion

Funny story: Local Man Attends School Reunion

School Reunions, are they a good thing or a bad thing??? Local Man, Seaton Carew, went to a school reunion recently and he has agreed to recall what happened: It was a twenty-five year reunion so I sort of guessed that a lot of people would have changed in the quarter century since we were at school. It was held in the local football club clubhouse and was due to start at seven o'clock.

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Slow Cooking for Folk with Time on Their Hands

Funny story: Slow Cooking for Folk with Time on Their Hands

With the popularity of Slow Cookers on the increase, local man Seaton Carew has grasped the mantle and brought out a must have for all decent slow cooking kitchens. A Slow Cooker Cook Book Entitled 'Slow Cooking for Those With Time', the book extols the benefits of taking ones time when carrying out the most important tasks of your daily day: cooking. Packed full of mouth watering recipes a...

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Local Man Waits for Murmurations

Funny story: Local Man Waits for Murmurations

Local Man and Wannabe Entrepreneur, Seaton Carew, this weekend spent time waiting for murmurations in deepest rural Somerset, but unfortunately saw approximately only ten, which does not constitute a murmuration in anyone's book. The event, which can run from Autumn to Spring, has been showcased on the popular social networking website, Ewe-Tube, but no guarantees were made on numbers involved.

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Local Man In Uneventful Pub Meet Up With Seaton Carew And Vernon Edgar Birdbath

Funny story: Local Man In Uneventful Pub Meet Up With Seaton Carew And Vernon Edgar Birdbath

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, went out this evening to attend an historic get together with two fellow contributors to popular satirical website TheSpoof.com in a Portsmouth pub, but nothing really newsworthy happened. The trio, comprising Shuttl...

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Waiting for Something Else

Funny story: Waiting for Something Else

Having missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime in waiting, a trip to Chile to participate in the monumental wait for the miners to find their way back to the surface, one time local man, Seaton Carew, has decided to embark on a new waiting adventure of his own. "I was a tad peeved when that cad Skoob suggested that I could wait for the miners as the bounder didn't suggest it until after the...

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The Waiting is Over: Now the Work Begins

Funny story: The Waiting is Over: Now the Work Begins

The waiting is finally over for local man Seaton Carew. The man, who had been waiting for four months to have his fate decided for him, was finally given that fate at approximately half past eleven on Friday 30th July when the three sitting magistrates found him guilty and passed sentence. The guilty verdict came as no surprise to the patient local man, as this was his plea, however the sent...

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Waiting for Today

Funny story: Waiting for Today

Friday 30th July 2010. Today's the day. Today is the day that the waiting should be over. For Seaton Carew, today should be the day when he stops waiting and finally finds out his fate. This morning, however, it is business as usual for the hapless hasbeen as he waits for the decision that decides his fate and puts an end to the wait that has now lasted for over three months. Whethe...

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The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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