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Funny satire stories about Scottish independence

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Empress Nicola tempts London Mayor with Scottish Guile

Funny story: Empress Nicola tempts London Mayor with Scottish Guile

The First Minister of Scotland and SNP leader, Nicola Sturgeon, bent on securing yet another referendum north of the border, is attempting to lure the Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, into her lair. In an interview with the BBC, the most prominent Hig...

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New England/Scotland Partnership

Politicians in London emerged from the basement at 10 Downing Street after spending 3 weeks sequestered in a marathon brainstorming session to contrive a scheme to quash the Scottish rebellion and subjugate them with draconian punitive measures. T...

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Secret Cache Of Bagpipes Found After Tip Off

Funny story: Secret Cache Of Bagpipes Found After Tip Off

Stopping short of total surrender, the treaty signed by pro Scottish Independence clan chiefs after the referendum defeat included a clause dealing with the decommissioning of bagpipes and the handing over of them to dangerous musical instrument dum...

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Is MI6 Punishing Scotland With "Weather Bombs"?

Funny story: Is MI6 Punishing Scotland With "Weather Bombs"?

U.K. James Bond centre, MI6 was alleged by conspiracy theorists this morning to be behind a jetstream propelled "Weather Bomb" hitting the West of Scotland today. An ex Q department scientist, Dennis Llewellyn-Dyson told our Unlikely Conspiracy Depa...

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Government Approves Adding Chemicals to Scottish Water Supplies

Funny story: Government Approves Adding Chemicals to Scottish Water Supplies

The systematic addition of chemicals to Scottish water supplies is to resume to keep rebellion levels down. Additional chemical dosing will continue in keeping with pre-referendum Westminster policy, effectively maintaining a docile disposition in th...

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Cameron reveals Scotland was adopted when it was a child

Funny story: Cameron reveals Scotland was adopted when it was a child

Shocking revelations have risen from inside Whitehall, where today Prime Minister David Cameron revealed to all that Scotland was adopted when it was a very early age. "It gives me no pleasure to reveal that Scotland was an orphan country when we fo...

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Scottish Money Amnesty - Notes Can Be Exchanged At Banks from Tomorrow

Funny story: Scottish Money Amnesty - Notes Can Be Exchanged At Banks from Tomorrow

Scottish £5 £10 and £50 notes no longer required after the failed Independence bid may be handed in or posted to banks for free exchange for real money, a spokesperson for the Exchequer said this morning. The notes, notoriously difficult to purch...

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Windfall Tax On Scots After They Are Tricked Into Revealing Scotland's Assets

Funny story: Windfall Tax On Scots After They Are Tricked Into Revealing Scotland's Assets

Chancellor Georgie MacOsbourne was today jubilant after accountants totted up Scotland's declared wealth. An immediate windfall tax has been approved of £100 per year per Scottish person. The normally canny and some say downright mean Scottish peo...

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Thousands Of Scots Didn't Know They Were Part Of U.K. Until Referendum

Funny story: Thousands Of Scots Didn't Know They Were Part Of U.K. Until Referendum

Referendum exit poll results have revealed that most Scots only realised that they were part of the U.K. when they read the referendum question. Traumatised voters were yesterday reported to be queuing up in their thousands for post traumatic str...

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Plan To Celebrate Scottish Independence By Putting Midget On The Moon Backfires

Funny story: Plan To Celebrate Scottish Independence By Putting Midget On The Moon Backfires

A surprise plan to celebrate Scottish Independence by putting the female half of The Krankies on the moon backfired yesterday when it was realised that the intention had been to put the proposed Scottish Emblem, a swarm of midges, not midgets there.

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Queen Demands Alex Salmond's Head On A Pike

Despite carrying letters of safe conduct and passage to England, former Scottish first minister Alex Salmond was handed over to English soldiers at Robroyston near Glasgow late Friday night and has been transported to London on the orders of Queen El...

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Russians Plan Invasion Of Scotland If They Secede!

Funny story: Russians Plan Invasion Of Scotland If They Secede!

The Russians have taken a keen interest in the vote for Scottish secession from Britain. Maybe too keen an interest. The British MI6 has picked up information that seems to point to the Russians invading Scotland should the 'Yes' vote on independe...

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US numerologists predict Scots Nationalists will lose by 911,000 votes

Funny story: US numerologists predict Scots Nationalists will lose by 911,000 votes

New York - Number crunchers at a hush-hush US federal agency are betting on making a shedload of $$$s out of Thursday's Scottish independence vote. At odds of 911/1 with online spread betting site Aintgottaprayer.con their million bucks punt says...

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New Year Celebrations To Last Until The Following Christmas Every Year After Scottish Independence

Funny story: New Year Celebrations To Last Until The Following Christmas Every Year After Scottish Independence

New Year celebrations in Scotland will last at least into March and probably through to Christmas each year in a stealthy plan by Scottish Nationalists to boost Whiskey Sales and T.V. advertising revenue. New Year, one of Scotland's most popular...

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Royal Family Unhappy With The Scottish "Mess" - Drastic Action Needed - Prince Philip

Funny story: Royal Family Unhappy With The Scottish "Mess" - Drastic Action Needed - Prince Philip

In an unprecedented attack on the state of the Scottish coastline, Prince Philip told a meeting of Cartographers that Prince Charles had drawn up plans to Polyfill the crevices and uneven edges around the Scottish Coastline so that it would look neat...

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Hull to get Independence Referendum and break away from the UK

Funny story: Hull to get Independence Referendum and break away from the UK

Hot on the heels of the Scottish Referendum, which makes a change from being hot on the heels of shoplifters from the Prospect Shopping Centre, Hull has declared that it is aiming to gain independence from the remainder of what's left of the UK. A...

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Scottish Vote - North Of England Plead "Please Don't Leave Us With This Bloody Lot"

Funny story: Scottish Vote - North Of England Plead "Please Don't Leave Us With This Bloody Lot"

The North of England is said to be inconsolable after polls have indicated that Scotland will be leaving them. A spokesperson for Northern England told our reporter this morning "England will be a funny shape, has no-one thought of that? Also a f...

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Scottish Independence - What Will Happen To Empty Bank Premises?

Any Bank Buildings vacated by nervous banks after a "Yes" vote could be used to house low risk savings companies willing to lend money to small businesses. The companies will have to use people's savings to generate money and to lend money out polite...

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Breaking news…

National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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