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Funny story: Keep Your Hands Off Our Beavers - Devon Association Tells Government

Keep Your Hands Off Our Beavers - Devon Association Tells Government

A pressure group has begun action to prevent the government from getting hold of their beavers in Devon. Friends of the Planet told our beaver welfare team that because beavers are wilder than normal in Scotland, it follows that any home grown Englis...
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Funny story: Scottish Money Amnesty - Notes Can Be Exchanged At Banks from Tomorrow

Scottish Money Amnesty - Notes Can Be Exchanged At Banks from Tomorrow

Scottish £5 £10 and £50 notes no longer required after the failed Independence bid may be handed in or posted to banks for free exchange for real money, a spokesperson for the Exchequer said this morning. The notes, notoriously difficult to purch...
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Funny story: New Year Celebrations To Last Until The Following Christmas Every Year After Scottish Independence

New Year Celebrations To Last Until The Following Christmas Every Year After Scottish Independence

New Year celebrations in Scotland will last at least into March and probably through to Christmas each year in a stealthy plan by Scottish Nationalists to boost Whiskey Sales and T.V. advertising revenue. New Year, one of Scotland's most popular...
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Funny story: Scotland Will No Longer Be Game Shooting Theme Park After Independence - Claim

Scotland Will No Longer Be Game Shooting Theme Park After Independence - Claim

Scotland will cease to be just somewhere that Prince Philip and The Queen slaughter game in, a Scottish Nationalist claimed while addressing a meeting of the Conservative party in Glasgow. "We are probably going to revert to using the forests and moo...
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Funny story: Academics Confirm Scottish Shortbread Reserves Higher Than Westminster Predicts

Academics Confirm Scottish Shortbread Reserves Higher Than Westminster Predicts

A projection by industry body Biscuits UK that 24bn boxes of shortbread can be extracted from the North Sea is "plausible", two academics have said. The projection has been used by the Scottish government as part of its campaign for independence.Last...
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Funny story: Scottish Independence Live Debate - Jeremy Kylie Opens DNA Test Results

Scottish Independence Live Debate - Jeremy Kylie Opens DNA Test Results

Scotland's Independence campaign took a new twist last night on a live head to head between Alexei Salmon and Jeremy Kylie. During the show Kylie opened an envelope with the results of a voluntary D.N.A test to establish whether Salmon was a love...
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Funny story: Scottish Beaver Shortage - Wild Norwegian Pole Beavers Obtained

Scottish Beaver Shortage - Wild Norwegian Pole Beavers Obtained

The introduction of fresh Beaver from Norway dubbed the Norwegian Pole Beaver has continued successfully this year. First introduced in 1979, the wild Norwegian Beaver has proved to be extremely beneficial to river Fauna all over Scotland. Th...
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Funny story: Chef Celebrity Gordon Ramsay Calls it Quits!

Chef Celebrity Gordon Ramsay Calls it Quits!

LONDON, ENGLAND - A spokesman for Celebrity Scottish Chef, Gordon Ramsay, announced today that Ramsay is calling it quits. Ramsay, 47, whose restaurants have been awarded 15 Michelin Stars, is retiring and turning all 26 of his worldwide restaur...
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Funny story: Scottish Alcoholism is on the decrease - at last!

Scottish Alcoholism is on the decrease - at last!

According to a study, Scots are drinking less alcohol than they were a year ago. Scottish adults still drink (on average) 115% more than their English counterparts, but the drop is encouraging. It now means more Scots are using milk on their cornfla...
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Funny story: Gay Gordon can now marry his partner in Scotland at last!

Gay Gordon can now marry his partner in Scotland at last!

Scotland has decided to allow "Gay Gordon" to marry his male partner at last because the Scots have given their approval to gay marriages. This decision has deep reverberations for Scottish males who have always been regarded by the rest of the world...
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Funny story: Scotland demand autonomy from the UK and from July 2012 it will be called Murrayland!

Scotland demand autonomy from the UK and from July 2012 it will be called Murrayland!

It's taken 74 years for a Brit to reach the final of Wimbledon and it just happened to be a Scot! Andy Murray (congratulations) has done what no other Brit has ever done apart from Fred Perry; he's conquered the world's tennis elite and will now meet...
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Funny story: Scotland independence would raise the 'happy index' in the UK

Scotland independence would raise the 'happy index' in the UK

Scientists claimed today that Scotland leaving the UK will increase levels of happiness in the UK by up to 0.3%. Currently, with Scotland in the UK happy index, the figure stands at 3.9%, but were the sassanachs to go solo, deducting their low rat...
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Funny story: Auld Lang Syne Lyrics A Mystery

Auld Lang Syne Lyrics A Mystery

Most Britons make up the lyrics to the traditional New Year ditty Auld Lang Syne a survey has discovered. Researchers discovered that 37 per cent of us don't know any of the words to the song, written by Robert Burns in 1788. Most of the adults...
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Funny story: The Scottish Santa Claus

The Scottish Santa Claus

There are few Christmas traditions more familiar and charming than hanging up a stocking for Father Christmas, leaving him a mince pie and a carrot for his reindeer. But things are done a bit differently in Scotland. There it is customary to leave out a drop of whisky and a few cans of Stella. The Scottish Santa needs fuel to keep him going through the long, dark and blurry Scottish night. H...
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Funny story: New Scottish pricing policy to cost food in units of alcohol that could be purchased

New Scottish pricing policy to cost food in units of alcohol that could be purchased

SNP plans to introduce a new pricing policy in Scotland where the cost of food will be equated to the alternative number of units of alcohol that could be purchased for the same cost, have been broadly welcomed. Health Secretary Nicola Sturgeon s...
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Funny story: Scots invade Greece as they flog off their wine at 50p a bottle!

Scots invade Greece as they flog off their wine at 50p a bottle!

The Eurozone crisis, caused mainly by Greece defaulting on its debts, has forced the Greeks into desperate measures and leading the way are their winemakers. Athens announced that all Greek wines will be flogged off at 50p a bottle, in spite of vi...
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Funny story: Scottish Football Poised for Thrilling Season

Scottish Football Poised for Thrilling Season

Pundits across Scotland are rubbing their hands at anticipation at what promises to be one of the most enthralling campaigns for many years. "I can't wait" says Dundee football correspondent Matty McStay, "United have got in the exciting talent, y...
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Funny story: Alleged comedian Frankie Boyle to be the new voice of Sat Nav

Alleged comedian Frankie Boyle to be the new voice of Sat Nav

In a unique press reception held in the form of a swearing-in ceremony, the alleged comedian Frankie Boyle has been announced as the new voice for satellite navigation systems. Popular systems Tim-Tim and Germain have confirmed that users can now...
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Breaking News...

Santa's Grotto now to include Customer Returns Line

Unwanted Presents can now be returned over a Lapland phone - line. Elves won't man phones as headsets incompatible with Ears.
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