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Funny satire stories about Roman Abramovich

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Funny story:  Obama's sanctions on badass Russians could see Roman Abramovich's yachts impounded

Obama's sanctions on badass Russians could see Roman Abramovich's yachts impounded

Washington, DC - The US Coast Guard Service has been issued with high tech titanium grappling hooks for boarding recalcitrant Russians' super yachts in a fiendish Obama plot to freeze the nuts off Putin's billionaire henchmen. Dozens of oligarchs...
View 'Obama's sanctions on badass Russians could see Roman Abramovich's yachts impounded'
Funny story:  Roman Abramovich is exiled Hollywood director Roman Polanski's son

Roman Abramovich is exiled Hollywood director Roman Polanski's son

Aspen, Colorado - Workmen refurbishing Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's Dun-Frackin ski lodge in Wildcat Ridge, Aspen, have recovered hundreds of intact historical documents in a dumpster containing a ton of his shredded personal papers. Among t...
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Funny story:  US naturalization application sees Roman Abramovich set for American citizenship, domiciled in Denver, Colorado

US naturalization application sees Roman Abramovich set for American citizenship, domiciled in Denver, Colorado

Colorado - Months of rumors that the Russian mobster has bought up every single US patent for 'reefer' cigarettes finally came to a head today with news that Roman Abramovich's formal US citizenship application had been received by the Department of...
View 'US naturalization application sees Roman Abramovich set for American citizenship, domiciled in Denver, Colorado'
Funny story:  Property mogul's beautiful, grieving blonde widow nixes Roman Abramovich $75m Fifth Avenue apartment bid

Property mogul's beautiful, grieving blonde widow nixes Roman Abramovich $75m Fifth Avenue apartment bid

New York - The bereft widow of NYC property tycoon Howard Ronson has played a blinder to thwart a 'paltry' $75m offer for her Fifth Avenue, NYC home from Russian mobster Roman Abramovich. Stunning peroxide beauty Angelika Ivanc is challenging the...
View 'Property mogul's beautiful, grieving blonde widow nixes Roman Abramovich $75m Fifth Avenue apartment bid'
Funny story:  'It's not like she's sitting on Oprah or Michelle's face!' says Russian oligarch PR in racist armchair row

'It's not like she's sitting on Oprah or Michelle's face!' says Russian oligarch PR in racist armchair row

Bloodyvostock, Russia - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's girlfriend Dasha Zhukova is embroiled in a furious row with 'Burro'** celeb watch magazine about posing for a pic on a 'racist' chair. The 32 year-old Muscovite was papped sitting on a bla...
View ''It's not like she's sitting on Oprah or Michelle's face!' says Russian oligarch PR in racist armchair row'
Funny story:  Russian Christmas Day shambles as Detroit, Ecuador and Roman Abramovich all in the red owing $18bn apiece

Russian Christmas Day shambles as Detroit, Ecuador and Roman Abramovich all in the red owing $18bn apiece

New York - There will be meagre spoils in Comrade Santa's festive sacs this Russian Orthodox Christmas Day as a triple whammy of bankruptcy debts threatens to throttle three of the world's top Bolshevik outfits. First up is the People's Federal Re...
View 'Russian Christmas Day shambles as Detroit, Ecuador and Roman Abramovich all in the red owing $18bn apiece'
Funny story:  Adele pulls out of Roman Abramovich lavish $10million New Year's Eve bash

Adele pulls out of Roman Abramovich lavish $10million New Year's Eve bash

St Bart's, Caribbean - "She doesn't need fashion advice from someone named after one of Santa's bloody reindeer!" is how singer Adele's PR put it today following remarks by Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's current live-in squeeze Dasha Zhukova.
View 'Adele pulls out of Roman Abramovich lavish $10million New Year's Eve bash'
Funny story:  Roman Abramovich bags a cool $1billion 'introduction fee' as Ecuador pawns entire oil sector to Chinese

Roman Abramovich bags a cool $1billion 'introduction fee' as Ecuador pawns entire oil sector to Chinese

New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich is reported to have trousered one billion US dollars this week after brokering the oil scam of the century pawning Ecuador's annual $13 billion crude sales to China's Hoo Flung Dung Energy Corp. The deal...
View 'Roman Abramovich bags a cool $1billion 'introduction fee' as Ecuador pawns entire oil sector to Chinese'
Funny story:  Roman Abramovich 'too broke' to afford spectacular $143million Francis Bacon triptych

Roman Abramovich 'too broke' to afford spectacular $143million Francis Bacon triptych

New York - Big Apple auctioneers were tutting with disbelief tonight at a Brit tabloid's best guess naming Russian mobster Roman Abramovich as the new owner of the $143million Francis Bacon triptych entitled 'Three Studies of Lucian Fraud'. The 19...
View 'Roman Abramovich 'too broke' to afford spectacular $143million Francis Bacon triptych'
Funny story:  Feds poised to swoop on Roman Abramovich's $75m Fifth Avenue pad

Feds poised to swoop on Roman Abramovich's $75m Fifth Avenue pad

New York - Buoyed by last month's seizure of a $700million Iranian money laundering tower at 650 Fifth Avenue the FBI is about to flex its repo muscles once again just a half dozen blocks up the prime Manhattan street. The object of their interest...
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Funny story:  Jose Mourinho updates his status once more

Jose Mourinho updates his status once more

Jose Mourinho has rebranded himself again, following his return to Chelsea and Stamford Bridge for the first time since his acrimonious sacking by Roman Abramovitch in 2007. During his first spell, he told journalists he was the 'special one'. At...
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Funny story:  Rafa Benitez 'has a dossier on every single Chelsea fan'

Rafa Benitez 'has a dossier on every single Chelsea fan'

Rafa 'mad dog' Benitez was expected to be seen at Stamford Bridge for the last time this morning to clear his desk following his bizarre rant at Wednesday nights press conference after the 2-0 win over Middlesbrough in the FA Cup. The fat Spaniard...
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Funny story:  Contestants line up for New season of reality show 'Dicing With Russians'

Contestants line up for New season of reality show 'Dicing With Russians'

Channel Dive press team officially announced the launch of the tenth season of 'Dicing With Russians' direct from Stamford Bridge but refused to confirm the contestants until the end of the week. Rafa Benitez is the defending champion, having seen...
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Funny story:  League Managers Association Makes Surprise Offer to Abramovich

League Managers Association Makes Surprise Offer to Abramovich

In an attempt to instil some sanity back into his ailing football club's affairs, the League Managers Association has made an astonishing offer to Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich. The association has offered the services of all its members on a month...
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Funny story:  Rafa Benitez contract as Chelsea boss cancelled

Rafa Benitez contract as Chelsea boss cancelled

Chelsea owner Roman Abramovitch moved fast this afternoon to bring the 3 match, 11 day Rafa Benitez love affair with the Chelsea fans to an end. Following a shock 3-1 defeat to West Ham United in East London, the Russian ugly - sorry oligarch - as...
View 'Rafa Benitez contract as Chelsea boss cancelled'
Funny story:  Chelsea to appoint New Interim Manager

Chelsea to appoint New Interim Manager

After three games and only one goal Rafael Benítez has been sacked by Chelsea FC. This after a humiliating 3=1 loss to cross town rivals West Ham United. Already there are rumors as to who will take Benítez' place with several names doing the roun...
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Funny story:  Chelsea FC fans prove they really are a sad bunch!

Chelsea FC fans prove they really are a sad bunch!

The pathetic protests of Chelsea FC fans against their new "interim manager" just goes to prove one thing; that most football fans really are very stupid! In Chelsea's case, the ex-manager was booted out by Chelsea owner, Abramovich, because Chel...
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Funny story:  Underperforming Rafael Benitez Sacked By Chelsea

Underperforming Rafael Benitez Sacked By Chelsea

Chelsea dictator Roman Abramovich has decided to relieve recently appointed manager Rafa Benitez of his duties after no games in charge. The news will come as no shock to most football fans as Abramovich is a notoriously hard man to please, a fact...
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