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Funny satire stories about Roman Abramovich

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Funny story: Roman rubbish dump reveals secrets of football networks

Roman rubbish dump reveals secrets of football networks

Florida - FBI forensic sleuths are probing the biggest dump ever discovered of Roman Abramovich's rubbish and related GazPogrom Bank crap. Over five tons of yacht garbage have been recovered from the oligarch's ocean-going runabout in an operatio...
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Funny story: Another $10-a-barrel crude drop to bankrupt Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich

Another $10-a-barrel crude drop to bankrupt Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich

New York - Off-the-Wall Street analysts stand to make a killing betting that oil and gas tycoon Roman Abramovich will go bust as global crude prices continue to flop. Uh, drop. This morning traders dumped masses of the Russian's GazPogrom.com st...
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Funny story: Bwahaha! Falling oil prices send Russian oligarchs cap-in-hand to Wonga

Bwahaha! Falling oil prices send Russian oligarchs cap-in-hand to Wonga

Hole in the Wall Street, Moscow - Usury is thriving once again in Moscow's financial district with payday lenders shamelessly jacking up their base rates as a surge of cash-strapped oligarchs comes a-begging following a plunge on the global price of...
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Funny story: Roman Abramovich's credit card declined at swanky NYC eatery

Roman Abramovich's credit card declined at swanky NYC eatery

New York - The Russian mobster was left red faced last night at trendy Upper East Side restaurant Kolestroll Klub when his credit card was declined after wolfing down a $5,000 slap-up meal. Abramovich, 69, who never carries cash, was forced to pul...
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Funny story: Jose Mourinho decides new tactics

Jose Mourinho decides new tactics

Jose Mourinho has started using a new tactic of open players' pants if they lose a game. "It will be a fun way to decide who is going home with his virginity intact."says Jose Mourinho after the team drew 1-1 with Manchester City in the premiere l...
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Funny story: Roman Abramovich gets the ice bucket challenge from Fifth Avenue co-op board

Roman Abramovich gets the ice bucket challenge from Fifth Avenue co-op board

New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich has been waterboarded in Manhattan in the latest ice bucket challenge twist. This afternoon a five-strong, $250m Manhattan co-op board poured icy cold water on the Russian's condo plans before drenching...
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Funny story: Roman Abramovich and Shah of Persia's heir presumptive forced to walk as cops bust chauffeurs in unlicensed taxi crackdown

Roman Abramovich and Shah of Persia's heir presumptive forced to walk as cops bust chauffeurs in unlicensed taxi crackdown

New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich and Persian royal wannabe Reza Pahlavi are among dozens of foreign VIPs ousted from their respective armor plated SUVs this week and made to walk in a NYPD crackdown on unlicensed taxi drivers. Adding i...
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Funny story: British PM to freeze the nuts off Roman Abramovich's assets as anti-Putin sanctions start to bite

British PM to freeze the nuts off Roman Abramovich's assets as anti-Putin sanctions start to bite

London - An anti-Putin groundswell is threatening to explode into the murky world of oligarch assets like Roman Abramovich's London gold vaults. On Monday British Prime Minister David Cameron will sign an order for Diplomatic Protection Racket cop...
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Funny story: Qatari Shaikh offers Roman Abramovich $3bn for Chelsea Football Club

Qatari Shaikh offers Roman Abramovich $3bn for Chelsea Football Club

Doha, Qatar - An oil-rich nabob from the gas state of Qatar has brought a three billion dollar smirk to the Russian mobster's face. Shaikh Mustapha Pee bin Dishdasha, son of the Emir, is even throwing in some spare gas wells, a 50ft ocean-going ya...
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Funny story: California Chrome sold to Roman Abramovich for fifty million bucks

California Chrome sold to Roman Abramovich for fifty million bucks

Louisville, Kentucky - The dual Kentucky Derby/Preakness champion will stand at Abramovich's Gazprom Stables dubbed bluegrass country's most famous equine stud. Announcing the reported $50m deal co-owners Steve Coburn and Perry Martin said the awe...
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Funny story: Roman Abramovich swoops on Steven Spielberg's $25m Hamptons teardown

Roman Abramovich swoops on Steven Spielberg's $25m Hamptons teardown

Long Island - A bijou 3.2 acre pond-front plot at 94 Apaquogue Road has been secretly snapped up by the Russian mobster after epic haggling with its movie maker proprietor Steven Spielberg. The Hollywood director finally cut the deal at $25 millio...
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Funny story: Roman Abramovich private jet 'The Bandit' in near collision with Iranian drone

Roman Abramovich private jet 'The Bandit' in near collision with Iranian drone

Azerbaijan - The tarmac outside Baku International Airport arrivals lounge looks like a bomb site this weekend following a spat between the Russian mobster's private jet and a 'high tech' hunter-killer drone operated by the Iranian Revolutionary Guar...
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Funny story: NATO drones shadow Russian oligarchs' megayachts

NATO drones shadow Russian oligarchs' megayachts

Sargasso Sea - "At first we thought they were just spying on Roman Abramovich's girlfriend Dasha Zhukova sunbathing topless aboard the Hexclipse," a US Coast Guard source said this evening, "but hey, her tits aren't THAT great." The news comes ami...
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Funny story: Obama's sanctions on badass Russians could see Roman Abramovich's yachts impounded

Obama's sanctions on badass Russians could see Roman Abramovich's yachts impounded

Washington, DC - The US Coast Guard Service has been issued with high tech titanium grappling hooks for boarding recalcitrant Russians' super yachts in a fiendish Obama plot to freeze the nuts off Putin's billionaire henchmen. Dozens of oligarchs...
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Funny story: Roman Abramovich is exiled Hollywood director Roman Polanski's son

Roman Abramovich is exiled Hollywood director Roman Polanski's son

Aspen, Colorado - Workmen refurbishing Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's Dun-Frackin ski lodge in Wildcat Ridge, Aspen, have recovered hundreds of intact historical documents in a dumpster containing a ton of his shredded personal papers. Among t...
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Funny story: US naturalization application sees Roman Abramovich set for American citizenship, domiciled in Denver, Colorado

US naturalization application sees Roman Abramovich set for American citizenship, domiciled in Denver, Colorado

Colorado - Months of rumors that the Russian mobster has bought up every single US patent for 'reefer' cigarettes finally came to a head today with news that Roman Abramovich's formal US citizenship application had been received by the Department of...
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Funny story: Property mogul's beautiful, grieving blonde widow nixes Roman Abramovich $75m Fifth Avenue apartment bid

Property mogul's beautiful, grieving blonde widow nixes Roman Abramovich $75m Fifth Avenue apartment bid

New York - The bereft widow of NYC property tycoon Howard Ronson has played a blinder to thwart a 'paltry' $75m offer for her Fifth Avenue, NYC home from Russian mobster Roman Abramovich. Stunning peroxide beauty Angelika Ivanc is challenging the...
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Funny story: 'It's not like she's sitting on Oprah or Michelle's face!' says Russian oligarch PR in racist armchair row

'It's not like she's sitting on Oprah or Michelle's face!' says Russian oligarch PR in racist armchair row

Bloodyvostock, Russia - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's girlfriend Dasha Zhukova is embroiled in a furious row with 'Burro'** celeb watch magazine about posing for a pic on a 'racist' chair. The 32 year-old Muscovite was papped sitting on a bla...
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