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Funny satire stories about Roman Abramovich

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Jose loves Abramovich, but he does not love Jose!

Funny story: Jose loves Abramovich, but he does not love Jose!

One of the best running London soap operas has ended and a painful love affair brought to an abrupt end as the whole world wakes up to the divorce of the season; Abramovich has booted Jose! Twitter, Facebook, etc, have all gone ballistic after th...

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Roman Abramovich shells out $125m for American Pharoah

Funny story: Roman Abramovich shells out $125m for American Pharoah

New York - Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich has bid $125m for the Triple Crown's latest awesome champ, the biggest price ever paid for a thoroughbred racehorse. This morning his distinctive armored Lincoln Continental was seen arriving at trainer...

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Roman rubbish dump reveals secrets of football networks

Funny story: Roman rubbish dump reveals secrets of football networks

Florida - FBI forensic sleuths are probing the biggest dump ever discovered of Roman Abramovich's rubbish and related GazPogrom Bank crap. Over five tons of yacht garbage have been recovered from the oligarch's ocean-going runabout in an operatio...

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Another $10-a-barrel crude drop to bankrupt Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich

Funny story: Another $10-a-barrel crude drop to bankrupt Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich

New York - Off-the-Wall Street analysts stand to make a killing betting that oil and gas tycoon Roman Abramovich will go bust as global crude prices continue to flop. Uh, drop. This morning traders dumped masses of the Russian's GazPogrom.com st...

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Bwahaha! Falling oil prices send Russian oligarchs cap-in-hand to Wonga

Funny story: Bwahaha! Falling oil prices send Russian oligarchs cap-in-hand to Wonga

Hole in the Wall Street, Moscow - Usury is thriving once again in Moscow's financial district with payday lenders shamelessly jacking up their base rates as a surge of cash-strapped oligarchs comes a-begging following a plunge on the global price of...

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Roman Abramovich's credit card declined at swanky NYC eatery

Funny story: Roman Abramovich's credit card declined at swanky NYC eatery

New York - The Russian mobster was left red faced last night at trendy Upper East Side restaurant Kolestroll Klub when his credit card was declined after wolfing down a $5,000 slap-up meal. Abramovich, 69, who never carries cash, was forced to pul...

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Jose Mourinho decides new tactics

Jose Mourinho has started using a new tactic of open players' pants if they lose a game. "It will be a fun way to decide who is going home with his virginity intact."says Jose Mourinho after the team drew 1-1 with Manchester City in the premiere l...

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Roman Abramovich gets the ice bucket challenge from Fifth Avenue co-op board

Funny story: Roman Abramovich gets the ice bucket challenge from Fifth Avenue co-op board

New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich has been waterboarded in Manhattan in the latest ice bucket challenge twist. This afternoon a five-strong, $250m Manhattan co-op board poured icy cold water on the Russian's condo plans before drenching...

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Roman Abramovich and Shah of Persia's heir presumptive forced to walk as cops bust chauffeurs in unlicensed taxi crackdown

Funny story: Roman Abramovich and Shah of Persia's heir presumptive forced to walk as cops bust chauffeurs in unlicensed taxi crackdown

New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich and Persian royal wannabe Reza Pahlavi are among dozens of foreign VIPs ousted from their respective armor plated SUVs this week and made to walk in a NYPD crackdown on unlicensed taxi drivers. Adding i...

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British PM to freeze the nuts off Roman Abramovich's assets as anti-Putin sanctions start to bite

Funny story: British PM to freeze the nuts off Roman Abramovich's assets as anti-Putin sanctions start to bite

London - An anti-Putin groundswell is threatening to explode into the murky world of oligarch assets like Roman Abramovich's London gold vaults. On Monday British Prime Minister David Cameron will sign an order for Diplomatic Protection Racket cop...

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Qatari Shaikh offers Roman Abramovich $3bn for Chelsea Football Club

Funny story: Qatari Shaikh offers Roman Abramovich $3bn for Chelsea Football Club

Doha, Qatar - An oil-rich nabob from the gas state of Qatar has brought a three billion dollar smirk to the Russian mobster's face. Shaikh Mustapha Pee bin Dishdasha, son of the Emir, is even throwing in some spare gas wells, a 50ft ocean-going ya...

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California Chrome sold to Roman Abramovich for fifty million bucks

Funny story: California Chrome sold to Roman Abramovich for fifty million bucks

Louisville, Kentucky - The dual Kentucky Derby/Preakness champion will stand at Abramovich's Gazprom Stables dubbed bluegrass country's most famous equine stud. Announcing the reported $50m deal co-owners Steve Coburn and Perry Martin said the awe...

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Roman Abramovich swoops on Steven Spielberg's $25m Hamptons teardown

Funny story: Roman Abramovich swoops on Steven Spielberg's $25m Hamptons teardown

Long Island - A bijou 3.2 acre pond-front plot at 94 Apaquogue Road has been secretly snapped up by the Russian mobster after epic haggling with its movie maker proprietor Steven Spielberg. The Hollywood director finally cut the deal at $25 millio...

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Roman Abramovich private jet 'The Bandit' in near collision with Iranian drone

Funny story: Roman Abramovich private jet 'The Bandit' in near collision with Iranian drone

Azerbaijan - The tarmac outside Baku International Airport arrivals lounge looks like a bomb site this weekend following a spat between the Russian mobster's private jet and a 'high tech' hunter-killer drone operated by the Iranian Revolutionary Guar...

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NATO drones shadow Russian oligarchs' megayachts

Funny story: NATO drones shadow Russian oligarchs' megayachts

Sargasso Sea - "At first we thought they were just spying on Roman Abramovich's girlfriend Dasha Zhukova sunbathing topless aboard the Hexclipse," a US Coast Guard source said this evening, "but hey, her tits aren't THAT great." The news comes ami...

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Obama's sanctions on badass Russians could see Roman Abramovich's yachts impounded

Funny story: Obama's sanctions on badass Russians could see Roman Abramovich's yachts impounded

Washington, DC - The US Coast Guard Service has been issued with high tech titanium grappling hooks for boarding recalcitrant Russians' super yachts in a fiendish Obama plot to freeze the nuts off Putin's billionaire henchmen. Dozens of oligarchs...

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Roman Abramovich is exiled Hollywood director Roman Polanski's son

Funny story: Roman Abramovich is exiled Hollywood director Roman Polanski's son

Aspen, Colorado - Workmen refurbishing Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's Dun-Frackin ski lodge in Wildcat Ridge, Aspen, have recovered hundreds of intact historical documents in a dumpster containing a ton of his shredded personal papers. Among t...

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US naturalization application sees Roman Abramovich set for American citizenship, domiciled in Denver, Colorado

Funny story: US naturalization application sees Roman Abramovich set for American citizenship, domiciled in Denver, Colorado

Colorado - Months of rumors that the Russian mobster has bought up every single US patent for 'reefer' cigarettes finally came to a head today with news that Roman Abramovich's formal US citizenship application had been received by the Department of...

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Breaking news…

New Bill Would Give Guns Citizenship

Sen. Ted Cruz (TX-R) introduced a bill {BLAKA} that would give guns US citizenship, along with the right to vote and own weapons. Asked about how they felt about this bill a gun said "bang bang click"
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