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Funny satire stories about Roger Clemens

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Roger Clemens and Lance Armstrong Sell Their Business Venture

Funny story: Roger Clemens and Lance Armstrong Sell Their Business Venture

CHICAGO - Former sports figures Roger Clemens and Lance Armstrong opened up The Been There - Done That Private Detective Agency in February of this year and they've announced that they have just sold it. Armstrong spoke with Cutter Shiloh of Ameri...

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Lance Armstrong and Roger Clemens Going Into Business Together

Funny story: Lance Armstrong and Roger Clemens Going Into Business Together

CHICAGO - It appears that two of the sports world's fallen figures have announced plans for a new business venture. Lance Armstrong, the lying road racing cyclist champion and Roger Clemens, the lying baseball pitcher recently met at The Crocked C...

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Roger Clemens Agrees To Appear On The Next Edition of Dancing With The Stars

Funny story: Roger Clemens Agrees To Appear On The Next Edition of Dancing With The Stars

HOLLYWOOD - Tom "The Sad Face" Bergeron, host of Dancing With The Stars, has just announced that Major League Baseball pitcher Roger Clemens will be appearing on the upcoming season of the reality dance show. The shows producer Bernadette Penderle...

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Roger Clemens To Open Up The Lucky Son-Of-A-Gun Hot Dog Diner

Funny story: Roger Clemens To Open Up The Lucky Son-Of-A-Gun Hot Dog Diner

KATY, Texas - Former Major League Baseball pitcher Roger Clemems, 49, knows that he is a very lucky guy who has just joined the ranks of other very lucky individuals such as President Bill Clinton, Senator John Edwards, and Mafioso Vinnie "The Nose"...

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Roger Clemens in Fenway's Monster Seats: Return of the Native

Roger Clemens, found not guilty of lying to Congress about his use of performance enhancers, showed up at Fenway Park and sat in the Monster seats, only days after his successful verdict. It was like the alienated hero of Lost Horizon showing up a...

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Former Red Sox and Yankee Roger Clemens No Hits the Feds in Court Verdict

Roger Clemens has been found not guilty on all counts in his eight-week trial, his second go-round over a four-year span. Jurors may have figured the cost of his legal representation likely punished him enough. A guilty verdict would have been red...

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Roger Clemens Is Found Not Guilty On All 6 Charges - He's Immediately Offered A Contract To Pitch For The Chicago Cubs

Funny story: Roger Clemens Is Found Not Guilty On All 6 Charges - He's Immediately Offered A Contract To Pitch For The Chicago Cubs

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former major league baseball pitcher Roger Clemens was found not guilty on all six federal charges that had been filed against him. The fireballing pitcher known as "The Rocket" joins the ranks of notable individuals who have be...

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Who Needs an Asteroid? Josh Beckett Has Hit Boston

Josh Beckett is the Red Sox answer to Doomsday, Dec. 21, 2012, and he ought to switch his number to 12/21/12. Beckett has never made a secret of his dislike for Boston. In that sense, he resembles another former Red Sox superstar who simply put u...

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Roger Clemens Is Furious That All Of This Trial BS Is Costing Him Lots of Money In Commercial Endorsements

Funny story: Roger Clemens Is Furious That All Of This Trial BS Is Costing Him Lots of Money In Commercial Endorsements

WASHINGTON, D.C. - During Roger Clemens illustrious major league baseball career which spanned 24 years he never faced the situation that he is presently facing. The infamous pitcher known as "The Rocket" is getting ready to enter into a perjury t...

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Lindsay Lohan Has Called Roger Clemens And Told Him Prision Isn't So Bad If You Look Like Her

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan Has Called Roger Clemens And Told Him Prision Isn't So Bad If You Look Like Her

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Lindsay Lohan, the former convict, inmate, and prisoner, has reportedly called up the once baseball hall of fame shoe-in Roger Clemens and tried to make him feel better about his legal situation. LiLo told the ex-pitcher known as...

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Mindy McCready Says Boyfriend Pitcher Roger Clemens Had Some "Fast Balls"

Funny story: Mindy McCready Says Boyfriend Pitcher Roger Clemens Had Some "Fast Balls"

PANAMA CITY, Florida - Mindy McCready was in town visiting a second cousin once removed when she was asked about the baseball video that she has coming out soon. McCready said that the tape is entitled Baseball Mistress - Bedroom Bitch. And it sta...

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Roger Clemens and Jose Canseco To Star In Their Own Reality Show

Funny story: Roger Clemens and Jose Canseco To Star In Their Own Reality Show

ATLANTA - A press release has been released stating that ex-major league baseball stars Roger Clemens and Jose Canseco have been signed to appear in a reality show. It was announced that the show will revolve around cooking and is named Roger and...

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Roger Clemens To Star In "Oops - The Mark McGuire Story"

Funny story: Roger Clemens To Star In "Oops - The Mark McGuire Story"

HOLLYWOOD - Warner Brothers Pictures has just announced that they have signed Roger Clemens to star as the lead in "Oops - The Mark McGuire Story." The unemployed baseball pitcher says that he is thrilled to be allowed to show yet another side (hi...

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Roger Clemens Signs With The Yokohama Bay Stars

Funny story: Roger Clemens Signs With The Yokohama Bay Stars

YOKOHAMA, Japan - Major League baseball pitcher Roger Clemens has just been signed by the Yokohama Bay Stars of The Japanese Central League. Clemens reportedly signed a two-year contract worth $60 million. Clemens and his family will live rent fre...

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Barry Bonds inadvertently encourages youth to use steroids

Funny story: Barry Bonds inadvertently encourages youth to use steroids

Despite his repeated denials, many young high school athletes believe Barry Bonds owes his slugging power and career longevity to the use of performance enhancing substances such as steroids.

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Roger Clemens heads off trouble

Carpenters and stonemasons worked furiously all night Tuesday and early Wednesday, knocking down walls and widening doorways to ensure that Roger Clemens' massive, steroid-filled head could fit in buildings on Capitol Hill.

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Clemens Shows Balls In Front of Congress, Proves Innocence

Funny story: Clemens Shows Balls In Front of Congress, Proves Innocence

Roger 'the Rocket' Clemens went all out to prove his innocence at Wednesday's Congressional committee hearing.

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Congress puts all else aside to focus on Roger Clemens

Funny story: Congress puts all else aside to focus on Roger Clemens

The United States House of Representatives has put aside issues dealing with the Iraq war, the failing U.S. economy, recession, falling real estate prices, global warming, excessive government spending and international unrest to focus on Roger Cleme...

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