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Funny satire stories about Robin Van Persie

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Dutch remain flat!

Funny story: Dutch remain flat!

It seems "there are too many mountains high enough" for the Dutch as they attempted to climb Everest and fell off with impunity. Remaining as flat as their national dish, pancakes smothered with syrup, very sticky! Blind led the blind into a cul d...

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Robin van Persie tells United to "f*ck off" in double Dutch!

Funny story: Robin van Persie tells United to "f*ck off" in double Dutch!

Star Dutch footballer, RVP (not RIP), thought he was being particularly clever during an interview with a Dutch TV team and actually told his fellow United losers to, "fuck off" in perfect Dutch of course. Now Robin, like many other Dutch chauveni...

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Thousands of Man U fans turn blue as van Persie injury is announced!

Funny story: Thousands of Man U fans turn blue as van Persie injury is announced!

The red side of Manchester was in turmoil today as Moyes (who?) announced that his Dutch, superstar striker, Robin van Persie, will miss 8 games over the festive period! Thousands of Chinese, Japanese, and other Asian origin Reds were seen stormin...

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Die hard Man Utd fans attempt to commit suicide at news of Van Persie's injury!

Funny story: Die hard Man Utd fans attempt to commit suicide at news of Van Persie's injury!

Robin Van Persie was injured last night playing for Holland and as the news slowly reached the Mancunian regions (Red light District not blue movie area) several hundred United fans were seen heading for the local, fog ridden (that was written by Aga...

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Usain Bolt signs for United and Rooney sprints the other way!

Funny story: Usain Bolt signs for United and Rooney sprints the other way!

Sir Alex Ferguson has made the scoop of the season and offered super-sprinter, Usain Bolt, a contract to play for Man United! Bolt, who is totally insane, feels that his speed can benefit United who tend to be pretty slow in the final third (whatever...

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Van Persie Sectioned After "Little Boy Inside Me" Ramblings

Funny story: Van Persie Sectioned After "Little Boy Inside Me" Ramblings

Manchester United new boy Robin Van Persie has been sectioned under the mental health act. The shocking news comes after Van Persie claimed a little boy inside of him helps him make hard decisions in his life. United chiefs are said to be furio...

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Arsenal buy Robin Van Persie!

Funny story: Arsenal buy Robin Van Persie!

The merry-go-round in the English Premier league just keeps turning and turning as Arsenal sensationally buy back Robin van Persie from Manchester United! After Arsenal's dismal, blankety-blank display against the defensive Sunderland yesterday, w...

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Man Utd to represent Holland at the next World Cup!

Funny story: Man Utd to represent Holland at the next World Cup!

After the sensational signing of Robin van Persie the Dutch Footbal Organisation called, KNVB, have requested that Manchester United represent them in the coming World Cup qualification games and if they qualify, in Brazil in two years. The Dutch...

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Football Gossip & comments 16th August 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 16th August 2012

Man Utd agree £24m deal with Arsenal for striker Robin van Persie. The two clubs eventually agreed a price after weeks of offers and refusals. Officials agreed a deal last night over dinner - United offered to pay but apparently they went dutch. AC Milan have signed a 10-year-old girl from East Dunbartonshire after she impressed scouts while on a family holiday in La Manga. (Metro) A talent...

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Football Gossip & comments 14th August 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 14th August 2012

Manchester City win the Community Shield with goals from a 3-2 win over Chelsea at Villa Park. Fans who missed the game while watching the more entertaining ego-free Olympic coverage, could be excused thinking it was a another PR stunt by Max Clifford when the names of 2011/12 missing strikers Fernando Torres and Carlos Tevez both appeared on the scoresheet. Eyewitness video footage shows th...

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Football Gossip & comments 1st August 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 1st August 2012

Former Wolves manager Mick McCarthy says he turned down the chance to take over at Nottingham Forest because he hopes for a return to the Premier League. (Daily Mail) Good luck with that. Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini showed that he still has many of his old skills with a clever back heel in training. (Daily Mirror) His agent has confirmed if he doesn't get a £50,000 a week pay-ri...

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Manchester City accused of congesting the transfer market

Funny story: Manchester City accused of congesting the transfer market

Manchester City, champions of England, have been accused of stifling the transfer market by Arsene Wenger, Roberto Di Mateo and Alex Ferguson. Roberto Mancini replied with "Eh?" "This is disgraceful," said Wenger. "I wished to sell Van Pepsi t...

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Football Gossip & comments 21st July 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 21st July 2012

Manchester United, Manchester City and Juventus confirm bids for Robin Van Persie from Arsenal. Leaving Wenger enough cash to sign another Frenchman... Birmingham supporter Rob Shannon has not missed one of his team's matches for 38 years, seeing the Blues play 1,800 consecutive games since 1974. And he only missed one that year because he was too ill to get out of bed. 1,800 consecutive...

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Football Gossip & comments 19th July 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 19th July 2012

Sir Alex Ferguson has told friends that Manchester United will beat City and Juventus in the race to sign Arsenal captain Robin van Persie in a £20m deal. (Daily Mirror) Amazing, I didn't Ferguson had any friends... Liverpool's players are expected to win the ball back within seven seconds of losing possession and are given thorough details of the passing options they must offer every tea...

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Football Gossip & comments 18th July 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 18th July 2012

(Various) Dundee are chosen, ahead of Dunfermline Athletic, to replace the old Rangers in the Scottish Premier League. I think Dumfermline think they've been dun! (Daily Mail) Midfielder Oscar, 20, has arrived in London with the Brazil Olympic squad and will have a medical ahead of his £25m move from Internacional to Chelsea. All they need now is Luca Toni and Golden Globe for a team w...

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Football Gossip & comments 15th July 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 15th July 2012

Arsenal's new signing Lukas Podolski has urged striker Robin van Persie to stay at the club after the Dutchman said he will not be signing a new Gunners contract. "Please don't go, please don't go, Rob I love you so, and I want you know" ... Kilmarnock manager Kenny Shiel has had to give up on re-signing his midfielder son, Dean, saying he does not have the money to bring in any additional pl...

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Sports News Summary of The Week - In Tweets w/e 7th July

Funny story: Sports News Summary of The Week - In Tweets w/e 7th July

Would the last Banker out of the door at Barclays please turn the light off. Would the last player out the door at Arsenal please... Robin Van Persie is off to the SPL to replace Rangers. After all he was a one man team at Arsenal last year. Robin Van Persie statement "It's not about the money, money, money. I wanna win a trophy, trophy, trophy. Even a Carling cup, might just cheer me up"...

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Robin Van Persie to join Scottish Premier League

Funny story: Robin Van Persie to join Scottish Premier League

Robin Van Persie caused ripples this week by revealing on his personal website that he would not be signing an extension to his Arsenal contract, and now details are emerging as to his whereabouts next season. RVP Stated that he is not happy with...

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