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Speedo Makes Fashion Breakthrough with New HillBlimp SwimwearPost Lohte,Speedo moves on with HillBlimp swimwear modeled by The Hillary. Made from new techno-sailcloth,HillBlimp pantsuit-swimwear can be worn at rallies with a quick amphib-option of sea dunking.
LACK OF MONEY CUTS BACK ON SCIENCE CLASSESLack of money has cut back on science in schools. Those most effected are girls and blacks who can't get classes. "It's ok," said Ted Cruz Sen-Tx. "No one will hire black female scientists anyway."
Surprise AnnouncementGeorge W. Bush to be awarded Nobel Peace Prize for "his sterling work in bringing harmony among nations... and for his truth, honesty and integrity".
Kenyan Athletes forced to go for a "Drug Run!"Kenyan Olympic team were forced to live in a Brazilian Favela for 3 days because they had no money left for the tickets home. They earned their tickets back by "Drug Running" it's a new Olympic sport!
Trump Raises Rent On HimselfDonald Trump jacked up the rent his campaign pays him as soon as the donations started rolling in. Who says he's not a business genius? Writes writer Wonkette.
Coulter, Beck, Limbaugh, & Guilliani on Chris Matthews"Tomorrow," said Chris, I'll do a follow up when they empty the local
If You Want To Get A Vote You Have To Meet VotersTrump won't go to urban areas and speak to black voters. It's a new campaign strategy: Avoid the communities where the voters are.
Trump Supporters Think He can Do No WrongAfter Trump reversed his position on immigration, saying that he'd let 99% stay, Trump followers said it was OK. "We always knew he can't tell the truth. So lying is ok," said one.
Successful ArrestDetroit: A 93 year old man was arrested yesterday for shoplifting. Said arresting officer, Chuck Braine; "Thankfully, he made no attempt to escape."
Trump Campaign Offers Hallucinatory FoodThey offer "Pivot Cakes," they're hallucinatory and look like cinnamon roles. Eat one and you'll think Donald Trump hasn't betrayed his followers by changing his core positions.
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