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Funny story: Oops! I'm Running Again (for Rick Perry)

Oops! I'm Running Again (for Rick Perry)

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Oops! I'm running again You'd better believe I'm in this to win Oh baby It might seem like a rush But you know I'm serious 'Cause I grew up in Texas Where you know we hate taxes. Oh baby, baby Oops, I'm running again I played with your heart and refused Medicaid Oh baby, baby Oops, you know that I'm real That I'm sent from a...
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Funny story: Gov. Perry Targeting ICEE Terrorists; Also Eyeing Slurpee Militants, Slushie Extremists

Gov. Perry Targeting ICEE Terrorists; Also Eyeing Slurpee Militants, Slushie Extremists

AUSTIN, Texas -- Gov. Rick Perry has announced that the Texas National Guard will be deployed to ferret out suspected ICEE terrorists who have moved across the border into the Lone Star State in an attempt to sabotage the diets of American children w...
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Funny story: Texas Governor Rick Perry is Ronald Reagan's son by Princess Margaret

Texas Governor Rick Perry is Ronald Reagan's son by Princess Margaret

Austin, Texas - Royal probate documents sealed under the Brits' Official Secrets Act are being subpoenaed in a Texas lawsuit alleging abuse of power by Governor Perry. Supporters of Travis County District Attorney and convicted DUI dissembler Rose...
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Funny story: The New Colossus (for Gov. Rick Perry)

The New Colossus (for Gov. Rick Perry)

With apologies to Emma Lazarus Just like the brazen ass of Texan fame With chiseled face broadcast across the land, Here at our southern border gates shall stand With border guards be-pistoled, in his name Hater of exiles! From his ambitious flame Glows unwelcome spite; his air-brushed looks command The hate-filled folks who represent his brand And hang on to his words so often lame.
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Funny story: Rick Perry: "Illegal Children Taking Over Favorite Wal-Mart"

Rick Perry: "Illegal Children Taking Over Favorite Wal-Mart"

Texas Gov Rick Perry said in an emotional interview today that his favorite Wal-Mart is being over-run with illegal children! "I couldn't even get to the snack bar" a frustrated Perry proclaimed "it was like Korea in there"! Concerns about the...
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Funny story: Gov. Rick Perry Says Students Should Get Guns

Gov. Rick Perry Says Students Should Get Guns

Gov. Rick Perry of Texas today explained how his states voter ID laws work. "A state handgun license qualifies, but a state university identification card does not. Of course military ID's qualify too," stated the GOP governor. "There's been som...
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Funny story: US Border Patrol Invokes Nancy Reagan's Anti-Drug Mantra "Just Say No" To Solve Child Immigrant Problem.

US Border Patrol Invokes Nancy Reagan's Anti-Drug Mantra "Just Say No" To Solve Child Immigrant Problem.

The head of the U.S. Border Patrol, James Bratcatcher, highly stressed from dealing with the sudden influx of children and young mothers with children from Latin America, has claimed that a solution to the international problem came to him in a dream...
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Funny story: Rick Perry Likens Being an Asshole to Alcoholism (Or, Ooops! I Did it Again!)

Rick Perry Likens Being an Asshole to Alcoholism (Or, Ooops! I Did it Again!)

AP--Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) compared being an asshole to alcoholism Wednesday, arguing that both can be overcome. "Whether or not you feel compelled to be an asshole or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that," Perry explained during...
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Funny story: Gov. Rick Perry Talks To Crimea Secessionist

Gov. Rick Perry Talks To Crimea Secessionist

Sergei Aksyonov, the leader of the Crimea effort to secede from the Urkraine, who was installed as prime minister of Crimea after armed men seized the Parliament building last week, has had several conversations with Governor Rick Perry of Texas.
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Funny story: China's Xi Jinping Loves, Invites Rick Perry For State Visit

China's Xi Jinping Loves, Invites Rick Perry For State Visit

President Xi Jinping of the People's Republic of China has invited "The Most Honorable Governor Of The Most Christian State of Texas" to his country for "an elaborate state visit." He said that he admired the way that Texas had "put religion way...
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Funny story: Voluptuous Boeing Spokeswoman Silences Media

Voluptuous Boeing Spokeswoman Silences Media

The machinists union in Washington rejected a long-term labor deal proposed by Boeing several weeks ago. The proposed pack was "take-back bargaining" and a very bad deal for the union. Without having access to machinists, the initial response of...
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Funny story: Lone Star State Just Got Lonelier

Lone Star State Just Got Lonelier

Texas- Last night under the cover of darkness, the entire city of Austin slipped out of the state. Hank Perkins, a resident of the nearby town of Waco said he thought he heard something, but decided to wait until the morning to investigate. "W...
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Funny story: Texas governor Rick Perry signs controversial anti-cleavage law

Texas governor Rick Perry signs controversial anti-cleavage law

AUSTIN, TX - Capping off nearly a month of intense media coverage and legislative gobbledygook, Gov. Rick Perry, R-Texas, signed a bill restricting cleavage on Friday. The measure effectively bans all cleavage in the state. Republicans have said t...
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Funny story: Summer Awards and Festivities Announced

Summer Awards and Festivities Announced

The White House has indicated ceremonies and awards in upcoming festivities honoring recent and ongoing achievements. The awards are being carefully vetted by a bi-partisan commission from Perception Management and Bright Stripes Corporation (mot...
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Funny story: Texas Prohibits Pet Neutering

Texas Prohibits Pet Neutering

Austin, Tex. - On Friday, the Texas Senate passed one of the strictest anti-abortion measures in the country. Gov. Rick Perry is expected to sign the bill after a Democratic filibuster blocked its passage last month. Buried in the bill is a provision...
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Funny story: Texas Republicans: Storks Bring Babies

Texas Republicans: Storks Bring Babies

AUSTIN TX (AP) In addition to passing controversial abortion legislation, the Republican ruled Texas house of representatives added two new amendments just prior to the final vote. Learning from North Carolina, there was no debate. Both amendment...
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Funny story: Governor Rick Perry Asks State Legislature to Fund Unplanned Parenthood

Governor Rick Perry Asks State Legislature to Fund Unplanned Parenthood

To battle the always combative Planned Parenthood in Texas, Governor Rick Perry has asked the state legislature to fund what he is calling "Unplanned Parenthood," a new non-profit whose mission, Perry explained, is to "promote bein' a parent for all...
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Funny story: U.S. Politicos: Where Are They Now?

U.S. Politicos: Where Are They Now?

Faded Spotlight Magazine Presents... U.S. POLITICOS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW? Mitt Romney - The old Flip-Flopper, who got trounced in the 2012 presidential election by President Barack Obama, is seriously considering moving down to Mexico and living with one of his cousins who owns a piƱata factory. Ron Paul - The 77-year-old congressman from Texas is living in the Lone Star state and trying t...
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L.A.P.D Weighs in on Jenner's Transformation

"Bruce Jenner drove like a prick," said a police spokesman. " Caitlyn drives like a cunt. Any questions?"
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