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Red Sox Hair Today Growing by the Bushel

PESKY'S BARBER'S POLE/FENWAY PARK- Blood, sweat, and beards, is a paraphrase of Winston Churchill. We see it on T-shirts worn by the players. The fans wore fake beards to the ballpark this week to show their folly and follicle spirit. The Bost...

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Red Sox Fete Mario Rivera with Gifts of the Magi

Mario Rivera found himself honored by the Red Sox before they swept the Yankees in an embarrassing September song. For beating the Sox for twenty years with aplomb and style, the grateful Red Sox sent their Yankee-loving Big Papi to bestow a few c...

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Red Sox on Verge of World (Series) Domination

The world may be ready for a Red Sox World Series. Yet, the world is always too much with us, according to wordsmith William Wordsworth. The Red Sox have swept a series with the Yankees in September during this strange season on the way to the pos...

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Daniel Nava Plays the Invisible Man in Baseball

Injustice seekers are already queuing up to complain about the grave error in judgment that shall befall Daniel Nava before long. Playing for the Red Sox like an all-star may not have its just rewards. He is not even on the All-Star ballot circula...

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Humorist Eats His Words Over Red Sox

If we cut our teeth by chewing broken glass, you can understand how hard it is to eat our own words. And distasteful too. The Red Sox have catapulted back into first place as June is ready to bust out after a washout Memorial Day weekend. Wi...

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A Plague on Fenway Park

If self-immolation were an option, the Red Sox would lead the charge with a lit match. The latest victim of self-destruction hurdled himself headlong into the right field wall in a valiant (and some might say foolhardy) effort. Shane Victorino, al...

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Red Sox Player Begs for Privacy--and Mercy

Which big man on the Red Sox is seeking a divorce from his wife and mother of his three children? Issuing a statement to the public through MLB.com may not be a way to contain a problem. It's like finding the microscope that will give inquiring ey...

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Nostradamus Forgot to Give the Red Sox a Quatrain

FORT MYERS- Red Sox fans had better prepare for extreme disappointment this upcoming season. We cannot even provide a few pathetic rhymes for this peek into the future, though we looked deeply into our dog-earred copy of the prophecies of Nostrad...

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Red Sox Star David Ortiz Heels on Command

The ever-reliable MRI has shown that David Ortiz, Red Sox designated non-hitter, has two bad heels. The doctors seem to be saying to Big Papi, "Heel thyself." Yes, this injury seems to have arisen from wearing 4-inch spike heels with his boa durin...

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Red Sox Pitcher Aceves in the Thick of It

The World Baseball Classic featured a classic baseball brawl game, matching the neighbors of pan-America: Mexico and Canada. For the United States, it is sort of like mediating a fight between your younger brothers. On the one hand, you want to st...

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Samuel Beckett Re-writes Waiting for Godot for Red Sox

A new production of Waiting for Godot will open in Boston, Mass., this April at Fenway Park. After years of waiting for a more relevant play from Josh Beckett, the Red Sox traded him. Now the Boston theater scene has grown tired of waiting for a w...

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Carl Crawford Offers $140million for His Thoughts, Not a Penny More

We've got Carl Crawford where we want him. Crawford has something stuck in his craw, and it's the Boston media. In his weekly dump on Boston, this time he complained vociferously about the media. Grousing season has begun, and it is open season...

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Guide to Watching the Road Show of David Ortiz

David Ortiz may be the best actor on the Red Sox since the lowly Red Sox were on a twin bill with Laurence Olivier playing a second-rate vaudeville singer. At the time we were impressed with Olivier's tapdance and Don Buddin doing something sim...

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Carl Crawford Has Lost His Nerve

When the Los Angeles Dodgers bought the Brooklyn Bridge from the Boston Red Sox, some in Boston whooped with glee. In Showtime land where Cinderella stories and bad movies meet frequently, Carl Crawford may be the worst of both. The man signed...

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Alfredo Aceves Appears on Game Show 'What's My Line?'

The more things change, the more the Sox remain unchanged. Case in point: Alfredo Aceves has once again upset the apple cart of the Red Sox training camp where peace and harmony imitate Woodstock Nation for Red Sox Nation. With everything swe...

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Tom Werner to Produce 'Red Sox Acres' with Arnold the Pig

Millionaire owner Tom Werner of the Red Sox read the book by former manager Terry Francona, and his insight into the Red Sox in 2011 in particular. Werner expressed pleasure that he did not have to buy the book, which would have set him back $20 w...

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Red Sox Do Not Shoot Off Their Mouths

Red Sox have started Spring Training with guns blazing. Red Sox hot prospect Bryce Brentz shot himself in the leg last month while cleaning one of his myriad weapons. Though this sort of careless gun care is usually reserved for NFL players at...

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162 Chances Exceeds Both Reach and Grasp of Red Sox

The Boston Red Sox have a new campaign to win back fans. They are insisting they have 162 chances to redeem themselves. Cats only have nine lives, but the Red Sox are defying the odds-makers from Las Vegas. They could win 162 games, though base...

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Jabba the Trump

I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
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