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30 Foot Long Thousand Oaks Cobra 'Is Radioactive'

Funny story: 30 Foot Long Thousand Oaks Cobra 'Is Radioactive'

Thousand Oaks, LA - A 30 foot-long white cobra found menacing the streets of a LA suburb has tested radioactive according to reports. Tonight the deadly male serpent was being detoxed at a secret government laboratory amid fears a bulge in its abd...

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Radioactive Material Truck Stolen In Mexico Headed Towards Maricopa, Arizona

Funny story: Radioactive Material Truck Stolen In Mexico Headed Towards Maricopa, Arizona

SAN DIEGO - United States Customs Agents have advised the Arizona state authorities to be on the look out for a late model mossy green truck that is reportedly headed for their state. Captain Lestingwood Grimwitch, 43, with the U.S. Department of...

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Radioactive sushi beneficial

Funny story: Radioactive sushi beneficial

San Francisco - The local chamber of commerce announced today that the new, glowing sushi being served at local eateries is very beneficial, especially for cancer patients. According to chair, Dr. Bunhardschmit, the radiation consumed in the sushi...

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Traces of Plutonium 210-style nerve agent on Eric Joyce bar bill?

Funny story: Traces of Plutonium 210-style nerve agent on Eric Joyce bar bill?

London - Charged with three c*unts of common assault tonight the evidence is piling up high against Falkirk MP Eric Joyce. Police sources said this evening they were looking into Wednesday night's Strangers Bar CCTV footage where a Commons barman...

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Scientists Confirm Paris Hilton's Theory, The Earth is HOT

Funny story: Scientists Confirm Paris Hilton's Theory, The Earth is HOT

With reports of Albert Einstein physically turning over in his grave, scientists have recently confirmed that the popular theory made famous by media favorite, Paris Hilton, that the Earth is indeed "HOT". Measuring the radioactive decay of our pl...

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Bavarian Illuminati blamed as E.Coli mutant traced to Plutonium-210 lab

Funny story: Bavarian Illuminati blamed as E.Coli mutant traced to Plutonium-210 lab

Munich - The secret society's Germ(an) warfare wing has been caught cooking up a lethal new recipe to deal with Euroseptics (sick). Traces of the homegrown genetically modified Eco Lie bacteria have been sourced to a new batch of Plutonium-210, co...

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Radioactivity No Problem - Official

Funny story: Radioactivity No Problem - Official

Prof Jacob Snot, from the Nuclear Energy watchdog 'Look the Other Way', sponsored secretly by the nuclear family, has been reassuring everyone that that there was no need to worry about radioactivity levels emanating from the Fuckin Nuclear Station i...

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Nuclear experts confounded

Funny story: Nuclear experts confounded

Tokyo - Speech expert Dr. Hotseetanuka is alarmed today at the sudden onset of stuttering that is afflicting "Nuclear Experts". Many such "experts" are being consulted today with regards to the nuclear catastrophe here. Surprisingly, they are sud...

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Chernobyl: Still no Superheros

Funny story: Chernobyl: Still no Superheros

It been 20 odd years since the Chernobyl Disaster and yet we still have no Superheros. As this world seems to crumble down around us and the absence of Captain Planet, Superman, Batman, Wonder Women, Hulk and others, we are all heading on a downward...

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Kim Jong-il's Radioactive Pork places third in Korean BBQ Cook Off

Funny story: Kim Jong-il's Radioactive Pork places third in Korean BBQ Cook Off

PYONGYANG, North Korea - We've all heard about the double-rainbow that heralded Kim Jong-il's birth. We've heard about his knack for hitting holes-in-one at will and the operas he's composed, listened to the tales of his remarkable sexual prowess an...

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Radioactive Paedophile On The Run

Funny story: Radioactive Paedophile On The Run

A radioactive paedophile is on the run in Ireland. Don Ewin, former principal at Selafield College of Nuclear Physics, is thought to have fled to the Emerald Isle once he started to feel the heat. He is wanted for suspected counts of child pornograph...

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Chinese Baby Milk Formula has Radioactive Half-Life of 50,000 years

Funny story: Chinese Baby Milk Formula has Radioactive Half-Life of 50,000 years

For centuries known to the West as the Middle Kingdom or the Jhong-guo (lit' translation Mandarin = Humungous Shithole) and renown for it's highly evolved culture of bureaucratic corruption and barbaric laws, the China of today doesn't seem to have c...

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Soldiers file depleted uranium lawsuit against the military

Funny story: Soldiers file depleted uranium lawsuit against the military

Victims of depleted uranium poisoning have filed suit against the government for inadequately warning them of the inherent dangers involved in using their ordnance.

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Jay Leno Exposed To Excessive Radiation

Funny story: Jay Leno Exposed To Excessive Radiation

It was supposed to be a routine chest X-Ray, but for Tonight Show host Jay Leno, the result was exposure to a dangerously high level of radiation.

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North Korea Reveals Prototype of New Car

Funny story: North Korea Reveals Prototype of New Car

Pyongyang, North Korea - At an informal press conference/luncheon yesterday, North Korea unveiled its newest automobile, the Plutonium. The car is named after the highly radioactive chemical element with which most of the chassis and frame are const...

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Cops warn radioactive cocaine may have killed spook

Funny story: Cops warn radioactive cocaine may have killed spook

London - (Ass Mess): Police investigating the toxic poisoning of ex-KGB spook Alex Litvinenko have issued a grim warning to partying Londoners that this year's Xmas supplies of cocaine may have been contaminated with Plutonium 210 - the lethal po...

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Pinochet death 'suspicious': Plutonium 210 cops

Funny story: Pinochet death 'suspicious': Plutonium 210 cops

Santiago, Chile - (Ass Mess): Leading Global Piss Process luminaries, Bush Administration client-dictators and top-notch account holders of the Riggs Bank are preparing to fly to Santiago for the funeral of General Augusto Pinochet whose death yester...

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NSA: EVERYONE has been Poisoned by the KGB

Funny story: NSA: EVERYONE has been Poisoned by the KGB

Following today's revelation that former Soviet contact Dmitry Kovtun fell into a coma after testing positive for polonium-210 poisoning the National Security Agency reluctantly told Americans "the bad news first". During a 12 minute r...

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Breaking news…

National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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