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Funny satire stories about Pubs

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Funny story: Shittu hits the fan

Shittu hits the fan

A team bonding trip to the pub turned into chaos for Millwall after several players were caught up in a pub brawl. It's believed the brawl started when a fan compared defender Danny Shittu to Mark Lawrenson. Incredibly the team came out of the alterc...
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Funny story: Scummy Pubs To Hire Doorman

Scummy Pubs To Hire Doorman

Under a new Tory law, pubs that predominantly cater for the unemployed have to employ a thin, disheveled middle-aged man to smoke at the front door to ensure no upstanding citizens accidentally go in for a pint. The law, entitled 'fag means f**k o...
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Funny story: Vicar of Upper Dicker tired of innuendo changes village name to Bell End

Vicar of Upper Dicker tired of innuendo changes village name to Bell End

"The village sign "Welcome to Upper Dicker" has been stolen over 50 times," said the local Vicar, Mike Hunt. "I think we've had enough!" Mike told our countryside correspondent. Now by a special act of Parliament its name has been changed to Bell...
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Funny story: Bar serves wild new cocktails

Bar serves wild new cocktails

WELLINGTON, ENG. (WHERE ELSE?) - A local Wellington pub-cum-restaurant admits it specializes in "unusual fare" according to owner Steve Drum. Customers of the establishment suggest the declaration is "an understatement" typical of the stereotypical d...
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Funny story: Britain's Nuclear deterrent, in the safe hands of naval ratings, "drunk out of their minds"!

Britain's Nuclear deterrent, in the safe hands of naval ratings, "drunk out of their minds"!

HMS Astute, Southampton: Police investigations, carried out by the Hampshire Constabulary have found out that the consumption of 20 pints of cider was not unsual for naval ratings and "significant" numbers of the crew used to get "drunk out of their...
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Funny story: Conga Collision At Essex Pub Leaves Dozens Injured!

Conga Collision At Essex Pub Leaves Dozens Injured!

Two people have been seriously injured with dozens more left bruised and shaken after two lines of conga dancers collided head-on outside a pub in Loughton, Essex just after midnight. The collision, at Loughton's 'The Red Lion' public house occur...
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Funny story: Stockport company adopts new approach for bottling whines

Stockport company adopts new approach for bottling whines

A long-established industrial unit in Stockport is all set to start bottling whines, moans and other grumpy stuff. The company's design department has come up with specially shaped glass containers for variegated examples of whines and moans.
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Funny story: Like to play pub games? There's an app for that

Like to play pub games? There's an app for that

A new applelet for the Apple iPhone is now ready for pub game lovers called iAm. "I love this game," said App World! editor, Mac Buck. "It's so simple, and yet it's so much fun to play." The game requires all the competitors to have an iPhone,...
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Funny story: Ron & Fred on A Very Quiet Day

Ron & Fred on A Very Quiet Day

"Art'noon Fred, feelin' any better t'day are yer?" "Yeah, worst over Ron, still can't taste or smell anyfing though. Bloody colds." "Lot ov it goin' rahnd mate. Least yer over the worst of it.... quiet in 'ere t'day ainit." "Is now, yeah. A few in 'ere earlier there was." "Dead in 'ere now Fred." "She's a lazy cah that one." "Oud'yer mean Fred?" "Guvners wife sittin' up at t...
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Funny story: Cross dressers to get their own toilets in pubs

Cross dressers to get their own toilets in pubs

Pubs across the UK have already installed disabled toilets to accompany their ladies and gents (or stags and does, bulls and cows or rams and ewes depending on the name of the pub). Many pubs have voluntarily installed baby changing facilities. Now n...
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Funny story: David Cameron admits leaving daughter in pub was not a mistake

David Cameron admits leaving daughter in pub was not a mistake

It was revealed today that Prime Minister David Cameron didn't accidentally leave his daughter behind in a pub they had visited. Following a grilling by Lord Leveson earlier today, the Prime Minister broke down in tears to explain that he actually...
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Funny story: Suck at pub quizzes? There's an app for that

Suck at pub quizzes? There's an app for that

Combining technology from several different applelets, Alien Apps have cracked the problem of the pub quiz. "The starting point is Siri," said Mac Buck, editor of App World!. "Siri can work out what kind of question it is. I didn't know what a pub...
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Funny story: Final squad named for 2012 London Paralytics

Final squad named for 2012 London Paralytics

With less than 60 days to go to the world's greatest sporting event, The London 2012 Paralytic Games, there were few surprises as Great Britain's final team was announced today. The squad was named at the official unveiling of their new training...
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Funny story: My week as a woman - day six

My week as a woman - day six

There is obviously something deeply wrong with me. I didn't think twice about the morning routine this morning. It's day six, the penultimate day of my forfeit for losing a bet with my wife on who can take more pain, men or women. I have spent the last five days experiencing several aspects of female pain. This morning, I removed the hair that had grown overnight around my thighs, moisturised, dre...
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Funny story: Cheap pubs adopt cheap flights business plan

Cheap pubs adopt cheap flights business plan

A new brewery chain has introduced really cheap drinks at pubs throughout the U.K. EasyCheap Breweries now offer beer and wine at rock-bottom prices in more than ten pubs. Customers who book in advance are able to obtain the cheapest drinks. A...
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Funny story: Pubs have secretly been employing smokers

Pubs have secretly been employing smokers

Some enterprising pub landlords have, since the smoking ban, been employing smokers to stand outside their pub. "It's a good second income," said Sue Perkins, who has been standing outside the Red Lion in Stockport for the past two years. "You get...
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Funny story: Pub Beer To Cost You £24.80p From Today!

Pub Beer To Cost You £24.80p From Today!

The pub price for a pint of beer is to go up - again. Brewers say the increase, of around 10p a pint, is necessary because poor harvests have forced up the cost of malting barley. The price hike will bring the average price of a pint to £3.10p from t...
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Funny story: Bull Wanders into Irish Pub, Doesn't Give It a Rave Review

Bull Wanders into Irish Pub, Doesn't Give It a Rave Review

The sign on the door of a pub in County Cavan reads "A Thousand Welcomes," but a bull who stopped there for a pint after a long day of grazing claims it's false advertising. "I didn't even receive ONE welcome," he whined. The bartender claimed he...
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