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Funny satire stories about Professor Brian Cox

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Funny story: People weigh less in Blackpool after Fracking test

People weigh less in Blackpool after Fracking test

The Iconic Blackpool Tower, the symbol of release for the Working Man, is two inches taller today after a Fracking experiment just outside Blackpool. "We think that some of the gravity in Blackpool has leaked out," said Guy Gordon, an anti-frackin...
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Funny story: Earth rips itself a new one

Earth rips itself a new one

At the start of the dinosaur era, some two hundred and twenty-five million years ago, there was one continent, and one ocean. The continent was called Pangea, and the ocean, showing a remarkable lack of imagination, was called the Big Ocean. Tectonic...
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Funny story: The list voted most important invention of all time

The list voted most important invention of all time

In a recent survey of science historians, the history of science book has been torn up and thrown away with the revelation that the humble list is the most important invention of all time. "We thought that they might choose Newton's laws of motion...
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Funny story: Worldwide Happiness Levels Measured

Worldwide Happiness Levels Measured

For the first time, scientists at Manchester University, UK, have been able to measure the amount of happiness in the world, and have come to a remarkable conclusion: There is a certain level of background happiness that doesn't fluctuate. "A numb...
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Funny story: String Theory used to explain everything

String Theory used to explain everything

In his last key note speech as a serious scientist, before academia renounces him as a television personality, Professor Brian Cox will explain how String Theory can explain everything. "String is amazing," said Oldham-born Cox. "The universe isn'...
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Funny story: NASA reveals why Americans and Brits are obese

NASA reveals why Americans and Brits are obese

NASA's global gravity survey satellite launched last month has revealed why Americans and the British are classified as becoming more obese than other nations, while continents like Africa have more skinny people. "They have mapped in fine detail...
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Funny story: BBC feared aliens 'might spill the beans about paedo-pervs' and other stuff

BBC feared aliens 'might spill the beans about paedo-pervs' and other stuff

London - Fears about aliens' supernatural mind-reading powers may be behind a 'daft' BBC edict banning any search for extraterrestrials on the Stargazing Live show. Presenter Brian Cox and comedian co-host Dara O'Briain were looking forward to pro...
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Funny story: Pluto...a planet again?

Pluto...a planet again?

Two years after being demoted to the status of "interesting asteroid" Pluto may regain the title of planet after a fourth moon was found orbiting the distant object. Pluto was not spotted until 1921, and was thought to be planet sized due to it's...
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Funny story: Dark matter is out, sticky matter is in

Dark matter is out, sticky matter is in

In theoretical physics and cosmological circles there has been a good mannered debate raging for several decades over what is holding all the matter in galaxies together. "It's quite simple," said Brian Cox, presenter of The Sky At Night. "When we...
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Funny story: Cosmologists answer science's biggest question: What colour is space?

Cosmologists answer science's biggest question: What colour is space?

Space, according to Douglas Adams at least, is big. Very big. But what does Douglas Adams know? Cosmologists already know it's so much bigger than that. What they didn't know was what colour space was. They know it smells of fish and tastes of roa...
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Funny story: UK Government To Take Urgent Action To Simplify Everyday Life

UK Government To Take Urgent Action To Simplify Everyday Life

A government report on education in the UK, published today, draws radical, new conclusions about the causes of the apparent decline in educational standards. 'It had become established wisdom that young people were becoming more stupid,' explaine...
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Funny story: Brian Cox In More Hot Water As Town Suffers Black-Out Crime Spree

Brian Cox In More Hot Water As Town Suffers Black-Out Crime Spree

TV space egghead Brian Cox is in more trouble today after a small west country town was devastated by a spate of burglaries last night. The crimes were committed during a town-wide black-out, co-ordinated as part of Cox's three-night BBC2 astronom...
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Funny story: Brian Cox Gets Rocket Over Switch Channel Comments

Brian Cox Gets Rocket Over Switch Channel Comments

TV space boffin Brian Cox has been given a "rocket up the arse" by BBC bosses for urging members of his audience to change channels. Cox was presenting the second episode in BBC2's three-night astronomy spectacular Stargazing Live with Irish comic...
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Funny story: Shrek and Donkey Present BBC's Stargazing Live

Shrek and Donkey Present BBC's Stargazing Live

BBC viewers under the age of five were sent into an excited state of shock last night after realising that this years' series of Stargazing live is being presented by Shrek and Donkey. The realisation was made by a 3 year old boy called Josh on...
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Funny story: London Borough Of Ealing Declared International Dark-Sky Reserve

London Borough Of Ealing Declared International Dark-Sky Reserve

London's astronomers are over the moon at the announcement that the London Borough of Ealing has been declared an International Dark-Sky Reserve. 'London is an international centre of excellence for numerous endeavours,' explained Mayor of London,...
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Funny story: Modern Physics is Simply Made Up

Modern Physics is Simply Made Up

Almost all of modern physics is simply wrong says a new UK government report written by top academics. They argue that about a hundred years ago physics took a wrong turn and has consequently had to invent more and more bizarre theories to keep the s...
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Funny story: "Leap Centimetre" To Be Added To The Length Of The Metre In 2012

"Leap Centimetre" To Be Added To The Length Of The Metre In 2012

The International Bureau of Weights and Measures in Paris today announced that a "leap centimetre" would be added to the length of the metre at midnight on 28th February 2012, to coincide with the addition of an extra day to the year. 'People are...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson Detected? Unfortunately not.

Higgs Boson Detected? Unfortunately not.

CERN Scientists are red-faced today when it was revealed that the bumps in the data of the two colliders that were thought to be the Higgs Boson turned out to be somebody dropping a cup of coffee in the analysis lab above the particle accelerator.
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