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Funny satire stories about Prison

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Funny story: Shares in prison company continue to rise

Shares in prison company continue to rise

If you're looking for a good stock to invest in, you could do a lot worse than Alabama State Penitentiary Conglomerates. Since they have expanded their operations beyond their eponymous state, they have seen profits rise by 400% and their workforce i...
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Funny story: UK Prison pigeons trained to attack drones!

UK Prison pigeons trained to attack drones!

A new combat force of highly trained prison pigeons is to be released around the walls of all UK prisons to combat illegal drones penetrating security because "pigs cannot fly" and prison officers neither! The Pigeon force will attack drones buzzi...
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Funny story: 70 year old US man robs bank to escape his missus!

70 year old US man robs bank to escape his missus!

Mr Lawrence Ripple (Name not changed for legal reasons; this story is just so ridiculous it's true!) from Kansas, USA, decided to rob a local bank; not because he was destitute, bankrupt or just wanted to escape Trump bullshit, no! He robbed the b...
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Funny story: Absoconding? Absolutely

Absoconding? Absolutely

Police in Dorset have confirmed that escaped convicted killer Jamie Frater "could be a danger to the public". Which was received with a resounding cry of "no shit dick heads". Jamie has already absconded twice from open prisons was allowed to retu...
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Funny story: Prisoner at Oregon State Penitentiary helps local murderer escape

Prisoner at Oregon State Penitentiary helps local murderer escape

Jack Mehoff, a new prisoner at Oregon State Penitentiary, was involved with the escape of Dick Smalley, a psychopath who has killed over 46 people in Salem, Oregon. Charged for helping with an escape, he claims it was an accident, the main factor bei...
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Funny story: Zombies rush Hatian jailers

Zombies rush Hatian jailers

ARCAHATE, Haiti -- Two thousand naked Hatians forced their way past screws into the local jail here, Warden Yozambie Yomama said on the record. The interlopers were suffering from exposure, starvation, zombification, and the Clinton Foundation, a...
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Funny story: Willie Nelson & VA. Gov. Should Be In Prison

Willie Nelson & VA. Gov. Should Be In Prison

Willie Nelson was in Virginia for a concert and afterwards Governor Terry McAuliffe, who opposes marijuana legalization, visited Nelson for 10 minutes on Nelson's bus. On the table in the bus, less than 16" from where McAuffle was seated, was a 1/...
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Funny story: First recorded prison system 'Immaculate Conception'

First recorded prison system 'Immaculate Conception'

Today in a world first a Western Australian Female Prisoner has been found pregnant and as none of the prison guards have touched her, Management are calling it the first 'Immaculate Conception'. A gaggle of local bishops has urgently flown direct...
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Funny story: British Government to take guns and knives away from prisoners

British Government to take guns and knives away from prisoners

In a bold move to reduce prison violence, the British government has announced that it will be taking away guns and knives from prisoners. The policy, which will be introduced in early 2017, will mean that prisoners in UK jails will no longer be able...
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Funny story: Early Release (and we're not talking about premature ejaculation )

Early Release (and we're not talking about premature ejaculation )

The number of prisoners released in "error" is at an all time high according to statistics released by Westminster today. 65 inmates were released due to "clerical" and "official" errors but the majority were released due to bathroom windows being l...
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Funny story: Police Find Low-Riding Pants Very Easy To Catch

Police Find Low-Riding Pants Very Easy To Catch

Washington, D.C. - A recent study conducted by the U.S. Justice Department found that arrest rates for crimes of all sorts, in every major metropolitan area in the last five years, were way, way up! And the key reason seems to be the ridiculous fash...
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Funny story: How do We Improve Our Prisons?

How do We Improve Our Prisons?

"UK Prison Reform. A serious issue that needs to be taken seriously." (BBC London. 19/05/2016) Some suggestions. 1. Daily full body massages. 2. Freely available prostitutes. 3. Boxing stadiums. 4. Regular visiting entertainers like Rolf Harris or Boris Johnson. 5. Comprehensive menu prepared by Gordon Ramsay. 6. Wine, spirits and beer available with all meals. 7. Prescr...
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Funny story: Santa Claus detained for flying sleigh while drunk, Christmas cancelled

Santa Claus detained for flying sleigh while drunk, Christmas cancelled

Santa Claus has been detained after flying his sleigh under the influence, it has been reported. Claus, aged 1,744, from the North Pole, was intercepted by American jets and forced to land at Thule Air Base in the Qaasuitsup region of Northern Gre...
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Funny story: Prison Guard Love Tap Mistaken For Mistreatment

Prison Guard Love Tap Mistaken For Mistreatment

On November 11, a prison guard was highly mistaken for hitting an inmate so ferociously that it almost killed him. James Mauldin, a prison guard at the local county prison, was convicted late last night. He said that he was only showing the inmate...
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Funny story: Berkeley County Clerk Refuses to Issue Birth Certificates

Berkeley County Clerk Refuses to Issue Birth Certificates

Berkeley County, West Virginia - Following in the footsteps of Kim Davis, Berkeley County clerk, Jean Birman is refusing to issue birth certificates to children of unwed parents citing her ultra conservative religion. Her religion strongly condem...
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Funny story: Teenager threatened to burn Santa Claus' house down and knife his elves because he got him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas

Teenager threatened to burn Santa Claus' house down and knife his elves because he got him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas

An 18-year-old British teenager threatened to burn down Santa Claus' home and knife his elves after he gave him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas. Jake Wilder travelled to the North Pole armed with a kitchen knife, screaming at Santa 'I'll...
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Funny story: Escaped NY Prisoner Shot And Killed Only A Few Miles From Certain Freedom - Canada!

Escaped NY Prisoner Shot And Killed Only A Few Miles From Certain Freedom - Canada!

Malone, NY - New York Police shot and killed one of the two escaped murderers from the Clinton Correctional Facility, Richard Matt, on Friday, only a few miles from the Canadian border - which would have surely been the end of the trail for all polic...
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Funny story: Murderer Kevin Williams walks out of prison in Eastchurch on Sheppey, Kent

Murderer Kevin Williams walks out of prison in Eastchurch on Sheppey, Kent

A convicted murderer walked out of an open prison by "asking the prison guards nicely to open the gate" and went to stay with a friend, a court heard. Police tracked down Kevin Williams at flats in Sheerness and instead of going back to Standford...
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