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Funny story: First recorded prison system 'Immaculate Conception'

First recorded prison system 'Immaculate Conception'

Today in a world first a Western Australian Female Prisoner has been found pregnant and as none of the prison guards have touched her, Management are calling it the first 'Immaculate Conception'. A gaggle of local bishops has urgently flown direct...
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Funny story: British Government to take guns and knives away from prisoners

British Government to take guns and knives away from prisoners

In a bold move to reduce prison violence, the British government has announced that it will be taking away guns and knives from prisoners. The policy, which will be introduced in early 2017, will mean that prisoners in UK jails will no longer be able...
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Funny story: Early Release (and we're not talking about premature ejaculation )

Early Release (and we're not talking about premature ejaculation )

The number of prisoners released in "error" is at an all time high according to statistics released by Westminster today. 65 inmates were released due to "clerical" and "official" errors but the majority were released due to bathroom windows being l...
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Funny story: Police Find Low-Riding Pants Very Easy To Catch

Police Find Low-Riding Pants Very Easy To Catch

Washington, D.C. - A recent study conducted by the U.S. Justice Department found that arrest rates for crimes of all sorts, in every major metropolitan area in the last five years, were way, way up! And the key reason seems to be the ridiculous fash...
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Funny story: How do We Improve Our Prisons?

How do We Improve Our Prisons?

"UK Prison Reform. A serious issue that needs to be taken seriously." (BBC London. 19/05/2016) Some suggestions. 1. Daily full body massages. 2. Freely available prostitutes. 3. Boxing stadiums. 4. Regular visiting entertainers like Rolf Harris or Boris Johnson. 5. Comprehensive menu prepared by Gordon Ramsay. 6. Wine, spirits and beer available with all meals. 7. Prescr...
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Funny story: Santa Claus detained for flying sleigh while drunk, Christmas cancelled

Santa Claus detained for flying sleigh while drunk, Christmas cancelled

Santa Claus has been detained after flying his sleigh under the influence, it has been reported. Claus, aged 1,744, from the North Pole, was intercepted by American jets and forced to land at Thule Air Base in the Qaasuitsup region of Northern Gre...
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Funny story: Prison Guard Love Tap Mistaken For Mistreatment

Prison Guard Love Tap Mistaken For Mistreatment

On November 11, a prison guard was highly mistaken for hitting an inmate so ferociously that it almost killed him. James Mauldin, a prison guard at the local county prison, was convicted late last night. He said that he was only showing the inmate...
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Funny story: Berkeley County Clerk Refuses to Issue Birth Certificates

Berkeley County Clerk Refuses to Issue Birth Certificates

Berkeley County, West Virginia - Following in the footsteps of Kim Davis, Berkeley County clerk, Jean Birman is refusing to issue birth certificates to children of unwed parents citing her ultra conservative religion. Her religion strongly condem...
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Funny story: Teenager threatened to burn Santa Claus' house down and knife his elves because he got him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas

Teenager threatened to burn Santa Claus' house down and knife his elves because he got him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas

An 18-year-old British teenager threatened to burn down Santa Claus' home and knife his elves after he gave him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas. Jake Wilder travelled to the North Pole armed with a kitchen knife, screaming at Santa 'I'll...
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Funny story: Escaped NY Prisoner Shot And Killed Only A Few Miles From Certain Freedom - Canada!

Escaped NY Prisoner Shot And Killed Only A Few Miles From Certain Freedom - Canada!

Malone, NY - New York Police shot and killed one of the two escaped murderers from the Clinton Correctional Facility, Richard Matt, on Friday, only a few miles from the Canadian border - which would have surely been the end of the trail for all polic...
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Funny story: Murderer Kevin Williams walks out of prison in Eastchurch on Sheppey, Kent

Murderer Kevin Williams walks out of prison in Eastchurch on Sheppey, Kent

A convicted murderer walked out of an open prison by "asking the prison guards nicely to open the gate" and went to stay with a friend, a court heard. Police tracked down Kevin Williams at flats in Sheerness and instead of going back to Standford...
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Funny story: Isle of Wight News - All Prisoners In H.M.P Isle of Wight To Be Released Into Community

Isle of Wight News - All Prisoners In H.M.P Isle of Wight To Be Released Into Community

A pill which cures prisoners of the urge to commit crimes is to be given to all inmates of H.M.P Isle of Wight. The pill's effects, which although it has to be administered daily, mean that all prisoners will remain completely law abiding as long as...
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Funny story: Jamie Olivier Re-Invents Mexican Prison Food

Jamie Olivier Re-Invents Mexican Prison Food

British T.V. Chef, Jamie Olivier has been invited to give Mexican prison food a facelift by Fernandez Pedro Jose Gomez, after Gordon Ramsay told the prison reformer to "fuck off" according to "Which Prison Food " magazine. Out with: soggy spinach,...
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Funny story: Obama takes over Google

Obama takes over Google

We cannot say we did not see it coming. Google and its million or so internet service providers are to be controlled by new laws soon to be enforced. Emperor Barack Obama acting as Commander in Chief has issued a new proclamation under Executive Orde...
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Funny story: In it to win it!

In it to win it!

Jails have been forced to install stairlifts to cope with rocketing numbers of pensioner prisoners since the Tories came to power it has been announced. At least 8,987 over 65's were arrested in 2013 up 34 per cent on 2009. Prison chiefs have also ha...
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Funny story: G.P.S Sends Tourists To Isle Of Wight Prison

G.P.S Sends Tourists To Isle Of Wight Prison

Tea, coffee and sandwich sales have rocketed at H.M.P. Isle of Wight Visitor Centre due to a G.P.S. mix up. A recent initiative by the Isle of Wight Tourist Institute, hoping to sell the Island as a holiday destination and not just an amalgamati...
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Funny story: Giant killer frogs attack nurses at prison hospital

Giant killer frogs attack nurses at prison hospital

Monroe, Wa. Correction officers at MCC (Monroe Correctional Complex) in Washington State have reported several unprovoked attacks by giant mutant frogs on workers at the prison. " They seem to be focused on the nursing staff;" officer Shirley L. s...
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Funny story: "Shower Love" Added As Elective In Federal Prison System Education Curriculum

"Shower Love" Added As Elective In Federal Prison System Education Curriculum

Washington D.C. - The Federal Bureau of Prisons (FBP), the agency that manages the system of Federal prisons, has added "Shower Love" as an elective to it's in-house inmate education program. The addition of the course is intended to foster closer mo...
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