FRED: Allo, Ron. Happy Boxing Day. Pint's ready for yer on the table 'ere.
RON: Cheers Fred. Do much Christmas Day? Any visitors?
FRED: Nah, very quiet. Most ov my fam'ly died off years ago. Stuffed me face wiv turkey, watched the Queen's speech on the telly, then 'ad a few cans before fallin' a kip in me armchair.
RON: Same wivs my lot. Still the odd one dotted abaht 'ere n there but mo...
London - "Daft old cow's been reading too many bloody tabloid headlines, what?" the old curmudgeon snarled at Palace footmen today as details of the plot emerged.
"Why, only this morning the stupid bat asked me if I'd seen the effin' story and ask...
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their first child after Prince William finally managed to impregnate his wife.
Palace insiders recently told the media the Duke and Duchess had been hard at it since their wedding last year with litt...
Norfolk - A headstone on the Sandringham Estate bearing the name 'Sugar' has been identified as the last resting place of Prince Philip.
His sudden unexpected death circa 1959 was hushed up to spare Brits the ignominy of 'auto-erotic asphyxiation'...
It started as just another day in the Queen's Jubilee year: a visit to Bristol. Her Majesty and the ubiquitous Phil began their tour at the Bailey caravan factory, marking its own 65th anniversary.
What they were unaware of was that Her Maj had a...
HRH Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, is said to mortified after a Ghanaian newspaper published images of the 91 year old prince taken over 50 years ago during an official visit to the African nation.
The grainy black and white photographs purportedl...
After reporting back for work last week, the Duke of Edinburgh has landed himself in hot water again by throwing another sickie. In a statement read out from Downing St this morning, the chairman of the royal select committee, Quentin Twiston-Shart,...
Draft plans for the funeral of Prince Philip have been found stuffed behind a toilet cistern in a gentlemen's toilet on Hampstead Heath. How the documents came to be there remains a mystery.
The documents were found by a local kebab shop owner, Ge...
London - She's been quick to pack Philip off to the Hellfire Club's Final Daze Spa & Crematorium at the latest episode of chronic malingering according to Palace sources.
This weekend advertisements in the Autumn issues of The Oldie, Fox N Hou...
Balmoral - "He's been short of breasts - er...breath! - ever since hearing that a 30-stone Belarus woman shot-putter's been stripped," a Castle footman claimed today.
"Then doctors found a curious lump developing on HRH's er, person, accompanied b...
Her Majesty the Queen has decided that as from next Tuesday the river Thames is to be renamed the 'River Queen Elizabeth II' in her honour. The Prime Minister has been informed of the decision.
It was explained to the Prime Minister that she no lo...
In a statement Buckingham Palace has confirmed that after Queen Elizabeth's fake helicopter jump for the Olympic opening ceremony, her Majesty is to make a real jump from a helicopter.
Her Majesty will make the jump this Tuesday at noon.
The h...
Today's headline news - that Prince Philip has been released from hospital - has been widely reported, but only SEN's Verity Warbling-Trollblog got the real inside scoop on the story, by revealing that the Prince must keep a quail's egg in his underp...
Speculation in the Great Britain is mounting that Prince Phillip, The Duke of Edinburgh and husband of the Queen missed the sovereign's Diamond Jubilee celebrations because he has contracted the Zombie virus which has now infected over 2,000,000 worl...
The mood was dampened today on the Queens Diamond Jubilee celebration, as a rogue MP claimed that Prince Philip should have two days pay deducted for missing the last two of the four day celebration.
Philip, who was 90 in February, was admitted to...
London - A dreadful SMS mistake involving just one digit has seen Dr Rowan Williams receive some amusing Diamond Jubilee pics on his mobile phone.
The 'Whoa, gedda load of this, darlin!' signed off with 'Randy Bunnykins' messages were apparently m...
London - Holed up in a grotty geriatric ward at London's King Edward Potatoes Clinic for Past-it Duffers the Duke of Edinburgh had a terrifying vision last night.
Apparently someone told him that a once-in-a-lifetime Sun-Venus conjunction on Tuesd...
Windsor - Prince Philip has been hospitalised with a bladder infection after using some dodgy facilities on yesterday's boat trip.
Apparently he was heard complaining loudly about 'having to share the blasted bog' with the Middleton family and the...