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Funny story: All local businesses in Portsmouth to close

All local businesses in Portsmouth to close

The permanent closure of Friendly's in Portsmouth has largely affected retails of all sizes, especially the small, independent and locally-owned shops that can't afford the bargain price breaks that bigger chains utilize. Portsmouth has already lo...
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Funny story: English Channel earthquake 'sees passengers bouncing in their Eurostar seats' - report

English Channel earthquake 'sees passengers bouncing in their Eurostar seats' - report

South Coast - Passengers likened the 8am tremor to 'Mile High Club fallout on steroids' as an earthquake struck the English Channel today. "It turned my skinny latte into a foaming frappé-cino," Eurotunnel traveller Mrs Doris Lump said. "The t...
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Funny story: New A3 Tunnel Will Not Open

New A3 Tunnel Will Not Open

Following the failure of an emergency services test recently, it has been revealed that the new £155,000 a metre tunnel under Hindhead's iconic Devil's Punchbowl will now never be opened. A recent "crash test" revealed that the drainage for the ne...
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Funny story: Discovery of Morton's Toe Mystery Deepens as Rest of Morton Discovered in Portsmouth Wheelie Bin!

Discovery of Morton's Toe Mystery Deepens as Rest of Morton Discovered in Portsmouth Wheelie Bin!

Scotland Yard continues to press a recent murder mystery whilst remaining mum after what was alternately described as a parrot or an albatross was seen to drop what turned out to be the second toe of missing spoof writer Dudley Morton. Morton had...
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Funny story: Royal Family Seeks Travel Expert

Royal Family Seeks Travel Expert

Buckingham Palace is advertising for a new "head of travel" to help the Royal Family cut costs and reduce their carbon footprint. The post, worth between £55,000 and £75,000, is advertised on the family's web site. A palace insider said: "Membe...
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Funny story: Queen Furious To Miss Pompey As She Bids Farewell To Ark Royal

Queen Furious To Miss Pompey As She Bids Farewell To Ark Royal

It was almost more than the great royal heart could stand - not only was she bidding farewell to her navy's flagship, but she had to miss her other great love. HM the Queen visited HMS Ark Royal at Portsmouth yesterday to say "goodbye" to the grea...
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Funny story: Pompey Lil Makes 1,000th Court Appearance

Pompey Lil Makes 1,000th Court Appearance

Renowned Portsmouth prostitute Pompey Lil made her 1000th court appearance in the city today, accused of soliciting an American tourist. It was alleged that Pompey Lil offered the tourist a spot of 'How's your father' up a back alley for a 'score.
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Funny story: Veterans Gather To Commemorate Loss Of Pirate Ship

Veterans Gather To Commemorate Loss Of Pirate Ship

Sombre scenes today here in Portsmouth as nautical veterans of a madcap adventure gathered together to commemorate the loss of the pirate ship HMS B*ggerall. Standing at the site of HMS Victory in the Royal Naval Dockyard, Michael Morse, a distant...
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Funny story: Portsmouth Hire Bald Guy

Portsmouth Hire Bald Guy

Portsmouth manager Tony Adams has reacted swiftly to fill the position of first-team coach at the club after Martin Keown rejected his offer last week, by hiring famous 1980's balding Dutch guy, Johhnnny Metgod. Metgod was said to be excited at th...
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Funny story: Harry Redknapp To Be Given The Freedom Of The Borough Of Haringey To Go With The Freedom Of Portsmouth

Harry Redknapp To Be Given The Freedom Of The Borough Of Haringey To Go With The Freedom Of Portsmouth

Harry Redknapp, the new, and most successful Tottenham manager in living memory, is to be awarded with the the Freedom of the Borough of Haringey at a civic gala in recognition of his wonderful services to Spurs. It is the second such honour to b...
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Funny story: Tony Adams: "Christmas Has Come Early"

Tony Adams: "Christmas Has Come Early"

New Portsmouth boss Tony Adams was over the moon that he had been given the chance to succeed former boss, and new Tottenham manager, Harry Redknapp, saying that it was a dream come true, and that Christmas had come early. He said: "It's a dream!...
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Funny story: Harry Redknapp Kidnapped By Tottenham Thugs

Harry Redknapp Kidnapped By Tottenham Thugs

Police on the south coast are frantically trying to locate the whereabouts of Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp this morning, after henchmen thought to be working for Tottenham Hotspur chairman Daniel Levy took him from his home in the small hours.
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Funny story: Cardiff City To Be Thrown Out Of English League

Cardiff City To Be Thrown Out Of English League

Cardiff City, the one and only Welsh club to ever have played in the English League - apart from Swansea City, Wrexham and Newport County - may be thrown out of football if they persist with 'making an issue' out of playing in Europe next season, sou...
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Funny story: David Beckham to play in FA Cup final

David Beckham to play in FA Cup final

The FA have announced that David Beckham will play a full 90 minutes in the FA Cup Final at Wembley on 17th May. The bizarre news comes via a hurried press conference staged at Soho Square by FA Chief Executive Brian Barwick, England Manager Fabio...
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Funny story: Portsmouth To Seek 'Refund' For Defoe

Portsmouth To Seek 'Refund' For Defoe

Jermain Defoe may be on his way back to Tottenham Hotspur next week if the Premier League rule that Portsmouth striker Benjani Mwariwaru cannot sign for Manchester City after missing the transfer deadline
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Funny story: McClaren Panics And Recalls Has-beens For 'Friendly'

McClaren Panics And Recalls Has-beens For 'Friendly'

Steve McClaren, the least popular England football manager in the history of the game, has given 'one last chance' to two veterans of the English game, goalkeeper David James and his Portsmou...
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Funny story: Pre-season friendly: Millwall v Portsmouth

Pre-season friendly: Millwall v Portsmouth

In a pre-season friendly over the weekend, Millwall fans went to Portsmouth and smashed up the town just a little bit.
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Funny story: Kylie To Star In Xmas Doctor Who

Kylie To Star In Xmas Doctor Who

The BBC have announced a major coup for their festive TV schedule by securing the services of West Bromwich Albion goalkeeper Dean Kiely for the Christmas Day showing of Doctor Who.
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Breaking News...

Justin Bieber and North Korean Leader On Same Fantasy Basketball Site

Pop star Justin Bieber and North Korean despot Kim Jong Un are both on the same fantasy basketball website, battling it out in cyberspace over the comic collection Kim says Justin ripped him off on.

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