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Funny satire stories about Pope John Paul II

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Funny story: Pope put out a contract on Mayor Giuliani after Clintons clash

Pope put out a contract on Mayor Giuliani after Clintons clash

New York - The hit was ordered just weeks after the two-bullet 'suicide' of ex-Rose Law Firm attorney Vince Foster whose body was found in a Fort Marcy Park, Virginia car lot in 1993. This morning aides of ex-New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani recalled...
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Funny story: Breaking News from NPR: Pope John Paul II's Underwear Stolen from Reliquary

Breaking News from NPR: Pope John Paul II's Underwear Stolen from Reliquary

One of only three known pairs of underwear stained with what's said to be Pope John Paul II's dried urine was stolen over the weekend from a small church in the mountains of Italy's central Abruzzo region. According to the BBC, the thief or thieve...
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Funny story: Vampires suspected as holy artefuct stolen from Vatican chapel

Vampires suspected as holy artefuct stolen from Vatican chapel

Rome - A vile (sic) of Pope JP2's blood that vanished from the Vatican Chapel of the Immaculate Deception may have been stolen to order by the Pontiff's vampire descendants according to early forensic reports. Police trawling through the Via Dolor...
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Funny story: Polish vampire grave could spell end of Pope John Paul II sainthood bid

Polish vampire grave could spell end of Pope John Paul II sainthood bid

Wadowice, Poland - An archaeological dig under Karol Wojtyla's family home in Poland has turned up remains of a vampire mausoleum where many of the late Pope's relatives are believed to be buried. Geologists working on the 13th century site found...
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Funny story: Vatican considering Nevada Brothel owner for Sainthood

Vatican considering Nevada Brothel owner for Sainthood

The ANSA news agency reported that a commission of cardinals and bishops met Tuesday to consider Brazil's Cardinal Odilo Scherer's case to consider Joe Conforte, founder and retired owner and operator of the famous Nevada brothel, the Mustang Ranch f...
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Funny story: Pope To Followers: "Fuck It"

Pope To Followers: "Fuck It"

Rome---Not long after stunning his followers by announcing his sudden retirement, Pope Benedict XVI has delivered his farewell speech before a huge crowd of cheering supporters. In his speech the Pope explained his reasons for quitting, something no Pope has done in centuries. Here is a condensed version of the Pope's address: Dear followers, I greet you, and I am honored by you...
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Funny story: Pope's resignation all about Lockerbie cover-up says 'deep throat'

Pope's resignation all about Lockerbie cover-up says 'deep throat'

Washington - A cover-up about mad-as-hatter former Pontiff Karol Wojtyla is lying in tatters following the resignation of his German successor and top apologist Pope Joseph Ratzinger. "No wonder US Defense Secretary Leon Panetta begged Pope Benny-...
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Funny story: Pope JP2's descendants panic at theft of blood sample

Pope JP2's descendants panic at theft of blood sample

Civitavecchia, Italy - A vile [sic] sample of the late Pontiff's O-Negative has been nicked in a backpack incident at an Italian seaside town. The theft has sent shockwaves among Karol Wojtyla's bastard children whose existence has been whitewashe...
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Funny story: Knights Templar fury at Anders Breivik slur

Knights Templar fury at Anders Breivik slur

London - In a spooky echo reminiscent of 'He's not the Messiah, he's just a very naughty little boy' a direct descendant of Knights Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay has hit out over daft 'sacred initiation' claims by accused Norwegian mass murde...
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Funny story: Secret FBI dossier hid that Steve Jobs 'was John Paul II's son'

Secret FBI dossier hid that Steve Jobs 'was John Paul II's son'

Washington - "Sure fitted the bill in terms of the Bush Sr/Quayle Administration official profile, heheh," was how one retired Federal official described the FBI report today. Drawn up in 1991 during George Bush Senior's presidency the file descri...
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Funny story: Pope Beatifies John Lennon And Paul McCartney

Pope Beatifies John Lennon And Paul McCartney

Vatican City-- A very stoned Pope Benedict XVI has just beatified rock legends John Lennon and Paul McCartney by mistake. The stoner pope smoked too much weed before the ceremony, and confused John and Paul with Pope John Paul II. The beatification...
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Funny story: Pope John Paul II Beatified In Rome

Pope John Paul II Beatified In Rome

Pope John Paul II, leader of the Catholic Church for over a quarter of a century, was finally beatified in Rome. Beatificiation is the process where people who are alive decide that a dead person is actually a saint, and elevate them to that level t...
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Funny story: Wiccan scorn as Pope JP II saint-making machine cranks up for Feast of Beltane

Wiccan scorn as Pope JP II saint-making machine cranks up for Feast of Beltane

Rome - The Vatican has hijacked Sunday's pagan New Year's Day to beatify a monster exhumed in a public freakshow. United Grand Coven sources said today veneration of the six year-old corpse - and a 'sacred' vile (sic) of his blood - is typical of...
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Funny story: Pope John Paul II to be cannonized sainthood - by a little help of the manhood

Pope John Paul II to be cannonized sainthood - by a little help of the manhood

In today's Washington Post it was reported that Pope John Paul II has moved even closer to becoming a saint. Evidentially the beatification will be held on May 1st. To be granted the highest honor of the Catholic church there must be indisputabl...
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Funny story: Pope John Paul II to receive beatification

Pope John Paul II to receive beatification

It was discovered that the Vatican plans on putting Pope John Paul II one step closer to becoming a saint through a process known as beatification even though he never discovered a cure for any human diseases or developed any major invention to help...
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Funny story: John Paul II beautification date set for April 1st

John Paul II beautification date set for April 1st

Rome - (Holy Shit!): The final coats of whitewash will ensure a permanent glossy varnish on Karol Wojtyla's undeniably hideous, sordid life. This has included the mysterious death of his predecessor Pope John Paul 1 - whose 30 day reign was report...
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Funny story: Vuvuzelas and BP Oil Blamed for At Least Four of the New Deadly Plagues

Vuvuzelas and BP Oil Blamed for At Least Four of the New Deadly Plagues

Many Christians are tossing around the idea that the vuvuzela has become one of the new seven deadly plagues mentioned by Pope John Paul II in a 2003 speech. In addition, they are blaming BP Oil for at least three other deadly plagues caused by the o...
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Funny story: Pope John Paul II Once Levitated The Pentagon

Pope John Paul II Once Levitated The Pentagon

Needing three confirmed miracles to become a saint, a group of 1960's hippies and ex-hippies have sworn that Pope John Paul II helped them levitate the Pentagon in 1969. "He wasn't a pope then but a Polish priest", stated one old-timer, still suck...
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Style Maven/Ex-Con Stewart Announces Her Latest For the Holiday

Stewart today touted her rollout of MarthaGoblers--designer turkeys for the Thanksgiving feast. MarthaGoblers are available in various skin-tone shades from Titian Brown to Chirascuro Noir and Blanc
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