It was a shock heard around the world this morning when an anonymous source within the Vatican leaked word that the new Pope, Pope Francis, had failed a standard urine test for substance abuse after his election.
As news outlets scrambled for add...
After a week marked by acts of simplicity and openness, Pope Francis finally let his truthful words do the talking as he officially began his stewardship of the Catholic Church on Tuesday.
"Please," he begged the tens of thousands gathered outside...
The new pope, Francis I, will have a full inbox as he settles into an unfamiliar position for him. That should however be no problem for a man who has worked his way up from the bottom as a choirboy, and can now command anyone in the whole Catholic Church to kneel before him.
There was some disappointment that a more radical choice was not made for the most powerful man in the ancient Bible-bas...
Despite his hatred for the British and his lack of regard for the rights of British people living in the Falkland Islands, Pope Francis I has hired two English chefs to prepare his meals.
Marjorie Tomlinson, 54 and Tina Armstrong, 58, were hired b...
The 115 Cardinals who selected Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina to be the next pope announced today that actor Morgan Freeman was their second choice even though Freeman isn't a Catholic.
"Si, Si, that's true," said Italian Cardinal Arsenio De...
An Argentine man who grew up as the neighbor of the future Pope Francis says he was very briefly the object of his affections when the future pontiff was 12.
Pedro Damonte, now 96, still lives four doors down from where Jorge Mario Bergoglio grew...
Rome - The Pope's lawfully-wedded Ecuadorean wife is in talks with Vatican Garages Inc to scrap the 'downmarket' official popemobile for a rhinestone-studded Chevrolet Kodiak-based, Cadillac-badged limo 'just like the one Michelle Obama enjoys'.
A...
"Mamma mia, I resigned too soon," he's told friends.
He had hoped to find another job, but he didn't realize that there aren't many to be found in this economy. Word is he's been pounding the pavement; but, so far, no luck. Potential employers are...
After being elected Pope yesterday, Francis I has readily accepted the fact that the wave of interest in him will soon diminish and the glare of the world's media will soon darken to nothing more than a dim pin prick of light and the next time he gra...
The appearance of the new pontiff triggered the third roar from more than 100,000 people jammed into St. Peter's Square. Perhaps the loudest outburst coming when a rain soaked Dennis Rodman made his appearance. He indicated that Bergoglio was his ch...
The new Argentinean Pope 'Jorge Bergolio Maradonna' has declared war on the Falkland Islanders by ex-communicating all 20,000 of the islanders at the stroke of a pen. In his inaugural speech from the balcony of the Vatican overlooking St Peters Squar...
Cheyenne, Wyoming -- The Tribal Gathering Is taking the Catholic Church to court over its use of smoke signals to announce papal election results.
"Just because you know how to build a fire doesn't mean you can steal our proven communications tech...
The outgoing Chief Rabbi of the UK, Lord Dr Jonathan Sachs, has made a magnanimous offer to the College of Cardinals in the Vatican by offering to become the new Pope.
His office said that he made the offer for a number of reasons, some practical...
All eyes will be peeled on the chimney of the Sistine Chapel on Wednesday as the Roman Catholic cardinals tasked with electing the next pope convene for a second day of unadulterated pot smoking.
The 115 voting eligible church leaders will return...
The Sistine Chapel is the location that the world's eyes are on now. Many have been looking for white smoke rising from the chapel as a sign the new Pope has been chosen. But, what they don't realize is that several other colors could rise, meaning s...
The world was stunned early this morning as brown smoke spewed from the Vatican chimney. "What does this mean? What has happened? Have the Cardinals lost their minds?"
As the media speculated and the worlds Catholics tried desperately to make se...
In a shock announcement by the Vatican today, it has been confirmed that Simon Cowell, the mastermind behind popular talent shows such as "Britain's Got Morons" and "£X-Factor" is being drafted in to bring some life to the process for choosing a new...
Rome - A light frisking under the cassock was all that was needed in 2005 when the church's princes lined up their credentials to elect a new Pope under Olden Day rules.
On Tuesday the Vatican's new get-tough policy on wackos and weirdos kicks int...