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Pollsters Predict Catastrophic UK General Election Defeat For Conservatives

Funny story: Pollsters Predict Catastrophic UK General Election Defeat For Conservatives

UK polling organisations have today published their predictions for the June 8th UK General Election. They forecast unanimously that the Conservatives will suffer a crushing defeat, losing their majority in parliament. The pollsters have furthe...

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Poll suggests majority of Americans do not want aliens to make contact while Trump is in office

Funny story: Poll suggests majority of Americans do not want aliens to make contact while Trump is in office

Though Donald Trump has proven to the American people that he is an unstoppable juggernaut when it comes to winning for his team, many citizens still have concerns about the man's personality. Nowhere is this more evident than in a poll released toda...

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Looser Guccifer 2.0 delves into candidates' plans for October Surprise

Funny story: Looser Guccifer 2.0 delves into candidates' plans for October Surprise

The presidential candidates' polling highs and lows are roller coastering on and on. Recently, unpleasant odors of DNC manipulating for Clinton, plus hacks into The Clinton Foundation, threatened a downward sag. This was prevented via blowing...

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New Poll: Better then Old Poll According to Strippers

Funny story: New Poll: Better then Old Poll According to Strippers

A brand new poll at the ShaDynasty's, a gentlemen's club in Washington DC, is very popular among the employees there, according to a survey by Foxy News. The old poll had been there for almost eight years and all the dancers agreed it was time for a...

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Stressed-out pollsters admit they have no clue who'll win the election

The general election is now less than 6 weeks away, making this the busy season for polling companies. With the election looking harder to call than BT customer service on a Sunday afternoon, these pollsters have been working round the clock to crunc...

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Polls don't tell us anything

Funny story: Polls don't tell us anything

According to a recent poll conducted by the Polish Polling organisation, Dollop, the British public do not believe polls can tell us anything about the nation's thoughts. "Polls are," said Dollop Pole, Polly Pauls, "largely useless. Apparently."...

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Younger Pimps Support Obamacare, Gay Marriage

Funny story: Younger Pimps Support Obamacare, Gay Marriage

A recent Dew research poll has uncovered some surprising results. The annual Pimp Poll, in which 1,000 pimps across the country are asked their opinions on various issues, shows that pimps under the age of 35 lean Democratic and support Obamacare...

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"Worst Congress" flees into desert following speeches and banquet at annual celebration

Funny story: "Worst Congress" flees into desert following speeches and banquet at annual celebration

Yesterday, with a nine percent approval rating as the "worst Congress in history," current members proceeded to their annual celebration somewhere in the Arizona desert. All did not end well, however, as Senator Reid explained, staring gravely int...

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America the Weird - New Polls Probe Unusual Beliefs

Funny story: America the Weird - New Polls Probe Unusual Beliefs

The Washington Post recently cited a poll claiming that 55% of Americans believe that President Obama lied when he promised that people could keep their health plans. While this sounds ominous for the President, it is not, if one understands what Americans mean when they say they believe in something. A few examples, all true and taken from scientifically valid polls: 1.

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President Obama Says That Approval Numbers Are Nothing But Numbers

Funny story: President Obama Says That Approval Numbers Are Nothing But Numbers

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has stated on several occasions that he has the hardest job in the world. He said that it is harder than being an Oregon Lumberjack, a Massachusetts grape stomper, and even a West Virginia coal miner. He poin...

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Lady Gaga Named The Most Creative Performer In The USA

Funny story: Lady Gaga Named The Most Creative Performer In The USA

CHICAGO - Lady Gaga, the singer with the repetitive syllable, has just been named The Most Creative Performer in The USA according to an extensive poll conducted by Chicago's Windy City Community College. A spokesperson for WCCC Walcott Dungaree n...

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Justin Bieber Named America's Most Confused Celebrity

Funny story: Justin Bieber Named America's Most Confused Celebrity

KALAMAZOO, Michigan - The highly reputable Giddy Up Public Opinion Poll Company which is headquartered in Kalamazoo, Michigan, has just named its 2013 Most Confused Celebrity. And this year's winner is Justin Bieber, who barely beat out Lindsay Lo...

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National Poll Says Kobe Bryant Needs To Stop Acting Like He's The Lakers Coach

Funny story: National Poll Says Kobe Bryant Needs To Stop Acting Like He's The Lakers Coach

CHICAGO - A recent poll that was conducted by The National Sports Poll Coalition of America has just revealed an interesting fact about Los Angeles Laker basketball player Kobe Bean Bryant. Ronni Ruckerheimer, 27, a representative with the poll gi...

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Three quarters of Britons are happy

Funny story: Three quarters of Britons are happy

In a recent survey, it was discovered that seventy-five percent of Britons are happy. However, a second survey conducted by a different survey company discovered that they could find nobody who'd been asked by the previous survey whether they were ha...

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Gallup poll: 63 % of likely voters feel sorry for Romney. Seismic vote shift among liberals!

A new Gallup poll published this morning indicates that Mitt Romney has surged in the polls particularly among liberals who now favor him by a margin of 83% to 15% for Obama. "It's a sympathy vote," states the poll. "Liberals are always for the under...

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Poll reveals 63% of nation's douchebags offended by the term "douchebag"

Funny story: Poll reveals 63% of nation's douchebags offended by the term "douchebag"

According to a CNN/USA Today poll, 63 percent of surveyed douchebags hold a negative connotation to the term "douchebag". "I find that the term is outdated, and needs a change as it no longer captures the essence of what makes our people unique" says...

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Donegal Drivers Most Helpful

Funny story: Donegal Drivers Most Helpful

Drivers In Donegal are Ireland's most chivalrous according to an experiment conducted last week. AA Rescue recently published results of a survey showing that Donegal drivers were most likely to come to the aid of a driver in distress at the roads...

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Responses to Cameron Popularity Poll in Nottingham

Funny story: Responses to Cameron Popularity Poll in Nottingham

We asked the Nottingham firm of Tymoshchuck, Kuzmanovic, & Mulumbu, Real-Time-Poll-Assessors, if they would do a poll in Nottingham, to find out just what the people think of David Cameron. The branch manager, Branislav Pavlyuchenko, agreed, as long as his polster's could carry out the canvassing in disguise. we agreed. We said we would like the question asked: 'What do you think of Cam...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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