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Funny story: Universe's inflation discovery proves Big Bang expansion, causing thousands of couples to break up.

Universe's inflation discovery proves Big Bang expansion, causing thousands of couples to break up.

Earlier this week, a team of physicists from Harvard (ever heard of it?) provided direct evidence of cosmic inflation. If validated, this would be the smoking gun for the Big Bang model of the creation of the universe. While the scientific world...
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Funny story: Fox Series "Cosmos" Host Tyson Under Attack

Fox Series "Cosmos" Host Tyson Under Attack

The new Fox Cosmos series, hosted by the now-familiar-to-TV-watchers Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, has upset anti-science conservative Christians. Besides being enraged by Tyson's statement that "the theory of evolution, like the theory of gravity, is a...
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Funny story: Physicists invent new Dyson type "bagless" bagpipes weapon

Physicists invent new Dyson type "bagless" bagpipes weapon

A team of the world's best physicists have come up with a noise 100 times worse than bagpipes. The International collaboration of scientists has been made to work in "lockdown" conditions with Dyson technicians, by Bill Gates and Stephen Hawkings unt...
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Funny story: Local Trucker Breaks Space-Time Continuum

Local Trucker Breaks Space-Time Continuum

Tom Johnson, a truck driver from Smelling, WI, was given a particularly rough quota from his boss last week. He was supposed to pick up a load in Augusta, Maine, and deliver it to San Francisco. Once in San Francisco, he was supposed to take another...
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Funny story: Curiosity Kills Rover

Curiosity Kills Rover

The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reports. Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but photos NASA received shortly before he...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson Not Quite As Reported

Higgs Boson Not Quite As Reported

Physicists recently made headlines by announcing their discovery of the Higgs boson-the long sought-after, so-called "God Particle." The God Particle would explain pretty much everything in the universe. Or so the media report. According to reputable...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson Found--Then Lost Forever

Higgs Boson Found--Then Lost Forever

Bern, Switzerland-- Excited physicists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) have finally discovered the elusive Higgs Boson. The sub-atomic particle has been the object of an intense search by scientists for over thirty years. Tears of joy at its dis...
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Funny story: Scientists capture an ideatron at work

Scientists capture an ideatron at work

"Many people have asked 'where do ideas come from?'," said professor of improbable physics, professor Welton Wobury at Keele University. "We know now." According to Wobury, when people wearing synthetic fibres walk on carpets made from synthetic f...
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Funny story: Nature and Vacuum Make Peace

Nature and Vacuum Make Peace

In a shocking but awe-inspiring turn of events, two seemingly intractable enemies, Nature and the vacuum, have finally made peace. It has long been known that "Nature abhors a vacuum." And indeed, scientists and theologians alike had considered th...
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Funny story: Crossing the road for physicists

Crossing the road for physicists

The major cause for the loss of life among young physicists is road traffic accidents. Who knows how far humanity would have advanced if there had been a lollipop lady outside the Massachusetts Institute of Technology? However, with the aid of a few simple rules, a young bold physicist can become a middle-aged physicist by taking heed. All physicists are aware of the Heisenberg Uncertainty prin...
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Funny story: Physicists guide to romance

Physicists guide to romance

As any biologist will happily tell you, at some point even a physicist must find a suitable mate. Otherwise, where do baby physicists come from? Therefore, it follows that at some point in any physicist's life, there will be a need to procreate. Please see the earlier physicists guide to identifying the sexes, as attempting to procreate with same gender people will prove fruitless. And sometimes p...
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Funny story: Modern Physics is Simply Made Up

Modern Physics is Simply Made Up

Almost all of modern physics is simply wrong says a new UK government report written by top academics. They argue that about a hundred years ago physics took a wrong turn and has consequently had to invent more and more bizarre theories to keep the s...
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Funny story: Anti-Matter Matters

Anti-Matter Matters

The chief Scientific advisor to the Government has attacked the notion spread by some Tory Back benchers that Anti-Matter doesn't matter. In a statement from his laboratory deep beneath the earth Prof Augustus Sink argued that 'Anti-Matter defini...
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Funny story: Preparations Underway For Journey Of Olympic Flame

Preparations Underway For Journey Of Olympic Flame

Preparations are now underway to ensure the safe journey of the Olympic Flame from the ancient Greek site of Olympia to the Olympic Stadium in London, for the 2012 Olympic Games. 'Many people wonder how the Flame can travel all that way without mi...
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Funny story: Pastafarianism to be taught in Creationist Faith Schools

Pastafarianism to be taught in Creationist Faith Schools

In a landmark ruling the fabricated religion Pastafarianism, the religion of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is to be taught in Physics in US Creationist Faith Schools. "We are quite upset," said leading Creationist, Michael Behe. "For...
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Funny story: Einstein's E=MC² Equation Is Incorrect Say CERN Scientists

Einstein's E=MC² Equation Is Incorrect Say CERN Scientists

Basel, Switzerland-- Physicists working at the CERN Laboratory in Switzerland have just discovered another dreadful mistake made by Albert Einstein. The 20th Century genius was proven wrong last week after it was discovered neutrino particles can tr...
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Funny story: Cern Boffins Baffled By Faster-Than-Light Particles

Cern Boffins Baffled By Faster-Than-Light Particles

Cern scientists have been baffled by experiments which seem to turn a century of physics on its head. They claim to have witnessed neutrinos travelling at speeds faster than the speed of light. If they are shown to be correct, it could throw doubt...
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Funny story: God Particle Discovered, Shockingly in the Shape of a Cheeseburger

God Particle Discovered, Shockingly in the Shape of a Cheeseburger

Scientists were simultaneously elated and confounded over the recent discovery of the smallest particle in the universe, as produced from the $10 Billion Proton Collider on the Swiss/French border. The source for all other particle creation, also de...
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Daryl Hannah Breaks Up With Neil Young

I get confused sometimes but as soon as he started playing Heart of Gold instead of Sweet Caroline, I realized that I had gotten Neil Young and Neil Diamond mixed up," said Ms. Hannah on her break-up.

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