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Physicists Replace String Theory With Fidget Spinner Theory

Funny story: Physicists Replace String Theory With Fidget Spinner Theory

Claiming that String Theory, the theory that the universe is composed of tiny strings which behave like both waves and particles, makes too much sense, and is too intuitive, and must therefore be false, physicists at a big impressive conference met a...

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A Thanksgiving Editorial: In Praise of the Common Turkey

Funny story: A Thanksgiving Editorial: In Praise of the Common Turkey

As just about all educated people know, turkeys are among the smartest animals on the planet, perhaps in the galaxy. If they were mammals instead of birds, they would, in fact, be the smartest animals on the planet. (For some reason, known only to theoretical physicists, bird neural DNA seems to suffer from "leakage," also known as accelerated entropic seasoning syndrome. Because this is a hig...

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Scientists Predict 15.5 Days Without Sunlight in December

Funny story: Scientists Predict 15.5 Days Without Sunlight in December

Ed, a physicist at Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory, claims he has found indisputable evidence for climate change. "The math is so clear that it can't be questioned. In December, we will have 15.5 total days of darkness. We must ma...

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Physicist Breaks the Law of Conservation of Mass with Socks

Funny story: Physicist Breaks the Law of Conservation of Mass with Socks

Ed, a physicist at Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory, says he's found the next ground breaking theory in physics. He claims he has found evidence disproving the law of conservation of mass with socks. The law of conservation of mass...

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Donut Miracle Converts Thousands to Christianity

Funny story: Donut Miracle Converts Thousands to Christianity

Mobile, AL - Well-respected local, Jamie McGinn, woke up on October 17th like it was any other day. Little did she know, her routine Saturday donut run would be far from normal. On her way back into the house from her trip to Dan's Donuts, she trippe...

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Universe's inflation discovery proves Big Bang expansion, causing thousands of couples to break up.

Funny story: Universe's inflation discovery proves Big Bang expansion, causing thousands of couples to break up.

Earlier this week, a team of physicists from Harvard (ever heard of it?) provided direct evidence of cosmic inflation. If validated, this would be the smoking gun for the Big Bang model of the creation of the universe. While the scientific world...

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Fox Series "Cosmos" Host Tyson Under Attack

The new Fox Cosmos series, hosted by the now-familiar-to-TV-watchers Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, has upset anti-science conservative Christians. Besides being enraged by Tyson's statement that "the theory of evolution, like the theory of gravity, is a...

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Physicists invent new Dyson type "bagless" bagpipes weapon

Funny story: Physicists invent new Dyson type "bagless" bagpipes weapon

A team of the world's best physicists have come up with a noise 100 times worse than bagpipes. The International collaboration of scientists has been made to work in "lockdown" conditions with Dyson technicians, by Bill Gates and Stephen Hawkings unt...

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Local Trucker Breaks Space-Time Continuum

Funny story: Local Trucker Breaks Space-Time Continuum

Tom Johnson, a truck driver from Smelling, WI, was given a particularly rough quota from his boss last week. He was supposed to pick up a load in Augusta, Maine, and deliver it to San Francisco. Once in San Francisco, he was supposed to take another...

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Curiosity Kills Rover

The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reports. Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but photos NASA received shortly before he...

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Higgs Boson Not Quite As Reported

Physicists recently made headlines by announcing their discovery of the Higgs boson-the long sought-after, so-called "God Particle." The God Particle would explain pretty much everything in the universe. Or so the media report. According to reputable...

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Scientists capture an ideatron at work

Funny story: Scientists capture an ideatron at work

"Many people have asked 'where do ideas come from?'," said professor of improbable physics, professor Welton Wobury at Keele University. "We know now." According to Wobury, when people wearing synthetic fibres walk on carpets made from synthetic f...

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Nature and Vacuum Make Peace

Funny story: Nature and Vacuum Make Peace

In a shocking but awe-inspiring turn of events, two seemingly intractable enemies, Nature and the vacuum, have finally made peace. It has long been known that "Nature abhors a vacuum." And indeed, scientists and theologians alike had considered th...

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Crossing the road for physicists

Funny story: Crossing the road for physicists

The major cause for the loss of life among young physicists is road traffic accidents. Who knows how far humanity would have advanced if there had been a lollipop lady outside the Massachusetts Institute of Technology? However, with the aid of a few simple rules, a young bold physicist can become a middle-aged physicist by taking heed. All physicists are aware of the Heisenberg Uncertainty prin...

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Physicists guide to romance

Funny story: Physicists guide to romance

As any biologist will happily tell you, at some point even a physicist must find a suitable mate. Otherwise, where do baby physicists come from? Therefore, it follows that at some point in any physicist's life, there will be a need to procreate. Please see the earlier physicists guide to identifying the sexes, as attempting to procreate with same gender people will prove fruitless. And sometimes p...

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Modern Physics is Simply Made Up

Funny story: Modern Physics is Simply Made Up

Almost all of modern physics is simply wrong says a new UK government report written by top academics. They argue that about a hundred years ago physics took a wrong turn and has consequently had to invent more and more bizarre theories to keep the s...

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Anti-Matter Matters

Funny story: Anti-Matter Matters

The chief Scientific advisor to the Government has attacked the notion spread by some Tory Back benchers that Anti-Matter doesn't matter. In a statement from his laboratory deep beneath the earth Prof Augustus Sink argued that 'Anti-Matter defini...

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Preparations Underway For Journey Of Olympic Flame

Funny story: Preparations Underway For Journey Of Olympic Flame

Preparations are now underway to ensure the safe journey of the Olympic Flame from the ancient Greek site of Olympia to the Olympic Stadium in London, for the 2012 Olympic Games. 'Many people wonder how the Flame can travel all that way without mi...

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Breaking news…

Trump Now Also President of Egypt

President Donald Trump now claims to be part Egyptian after a new mummy was uncovered. Noted the President, "Look! It's old, wrinkly, shriveled, and orange! Just like me!"
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