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Funny satire stories about Philadelphia Eagles

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FBI's Most Wanted Terrorist Signs Short-Term-Contract With Philadelphia Eagles

PHILADELPHIA, PA - Ahmad Abousamra, the FBI's most-wanted terrorist signed a one-game deal Monday with the Eagles, an anonymous league source said Sunday afternoon. Philadelphia has finalized an agreement with the 36-year-old Ahmad Abousamra when...

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Tim Tebow tries out for Eagles... Oh wait, That Really Happened?!

Funny story: Tim Tebow tries out for Eagles... Oh wait, That Really Happened?!

In what is either a publicity stunt or a desperate desire to find a very qualified clip board holder the Eagles tried out Tim Tebow despite the fact that they just traded for Sam Bradford and re-signed Mark Sanchez. Jeffrey Lurie, owner of the P...

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The Philadelphia Eagles Shot Down By The New Orleans Saints

Funny story: The Philadelphia Eagles Shot Down By The New Orleans Saints

PHILADELPHIA - The Eagles of Philadelphia hovered around their home stadium, Lincoln Financial Field, but in the end they lost the game in the final seconds on a Saint's field goal. The Drew Brees-led Saints beat the Eagles 26-24 in an NFL Wild Ca...

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The Philadelphia Eagles Defeat The Detroit Lions In The Blizzard Bowl

Funny story: The Philadelphia Eagles Defeat The Detroit Lions In The Blizzard Bowl

PHILADELPHIA - For much of the game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Detroit Lions, Lincoln Financial Field disappeared underneath the tons of snow that began falling two hours before the start of the game. Someone asked if magician David B...

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The Philadelphia Eagles Hand The New York Giants Their 5th Straight Defeat

Funny story: The Philadelphia Eagles Hand The New York Giants Their 5th Straight Defeat

EAST RUTHERFORD, New Jersey - The green Eagles from Philadelphia flew into New Jersey and after they were done, they had beaten the New York Giants 36-21 handing them loss number cinco, as they say in Spanish Harlem. One sports reporter who has co...

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The Denver Broncos Pluck The Philadelphia Eagles 52-20

Funny story: The Denver Broncos Pluck The Philadelphia Eagles 52-20

DENVER - The Broncos fans at Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium were literally floating on air when the final gun sounded and their team had soundly trounced the Philadelphia Eagles 52-20. The 52 points broke a single game franchise recor...

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NFL At Super Bowl XLVII: "The Secondary Sucks, And It Is Your Fault."

Funny story: NFL At Super Bowl XLVII: "The Secondary Sucks, And It Is Your Fault."

NFL At Super Bowl XLVII: "The Secondary Sucks, And It Is Your Fault." Unnamed sources close to NFL scapegoat-finder / Commissioner Roger Goodell says that he will be issuing a statement tomorrow blaming the shitty play of the cornerbacks and safet...

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Former Eagles Coach Andy Reid is Danny Ozark With Bigger Tits

Funny story: Former Eagles Coach Andy Reid is Danny Ozark With Bigger Tits

Andy Reid is (former Phillies Manager) Danny Ozark with a different-shaped ball. And huge, pendulous boobs. I am So SICK of hearing that Andy Reid is the winningest coach in Eagles' history. That speaks more to longevity than accomplishment.  Fred Bruney has a perfect winning record as Eagles coach, he never lost a game. Want him back? Rich Kotite has a better post-season win/loss record...

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Eagles Quarterback Michael Vick Says That His New Dog Is Really Only Half Dog

Funny story: Eagles Quarterback Michael Vick Says That His New Dog Is Really Only Half Dog

PHILADELPHIA - Quarterback Michael Vick's team, the Philadelphia Eagles, is currently sitting on top of the NFL's NFC Eastern Conference with a 3-2 record. And it appears that, as usually happens with people who get in trouble, Old Mother Trouble...

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Techno Viking dub steps Romo into coma

After Sunday's embarrassing performance to the Eagles, the Techno Viking challenged Dallas quarterback Tony Romo to a 50-yard line dance off. With all his dignity already stripped, Tony had nothing to lose by accepting the challenge. To a...

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Michael Vick's Magic Dust Wears Off

Funny story: Michael Vick's Magic Dust Wears Off

Whatever magic dust Michael Vick was using to play at the level that made him a serious league MVP has worn off, so says Philadelphia Eagles elephantine head coach Andy Reid. "And he better f--king find some more, and quick," said Reid, while snac...

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Philadelphia Eagles To Host Funeral For Giants' Playoff Hopes. F--kers.

Funny story: Philadelphia Eagles To Host Funeral For Giants' Playoff Hopes. F--kers.

In an unbelievable act of selflessness and comaraderie, the Philadelphia Eagles have charitably agreed to host a funeral for the New York Giants playoff hopes, which died in the New Meadowlands Sunday, during the Eagles record-breaking comeback to be...

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Donovan Wins First Annual "Albert Haynesworth Memorial 'You're Not Welcome Here' Award", Is Demoted To 3rd String Quarterback For Redskins' Last Two Games

Funny story: Donovan Wins First Annual "Albert Haynesworth Memorial 'You're Not Welcome Here' Award", Is Demoted To 3rd String Quarterback For Redskins' Last Two Games

Bigoted Washington Redskins Coach Mike Shanahan has demoted $40millon man Donovan McNabb to Lead Offensive Benchwarmer, and says Rex Grossman is his starting caucasian for the rest of the season, beginning with Sunday's game at Dallas. "McNabb wil...

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Donovan McFlabb Upset Over Questions Regarding His Body Mass Index.

Funny story: Donovan McFlabb Upset Over Questions Regarding His Body Mass Index.

Donovan McFlabb's life since joining the hapless Redskins has been a blur of criticism, condemnation and fatty foods. And, judging from McNabb's furious lashing out during his weekly after-loss press conference, it seems to be getting to him. Here we...

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Michael Vick Loses Dogfight Against Bears In Chicago.

Funny story: Michael Vick Loses Dogfight Against Bears In Chicago.

Michael Vick and the Philadelphia Eagles lost a dog fight in Chicago, losing 31-26. There Are Not Nearly... ... as many sports-related dog metaphors as I first thought."It was a beating, an absolute beagle-whupping," said Vick, who was dogged by t...

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Michael Vick Named Pet Store NFL Player Of The Week.

Funny story: Michael Vick Named Pet Store NFL Player Of The Week.

Eagles QB Michael Vick has been named the National Pet Store (NPS) NFL player of the week, after his brilliant 6-touchdown performance against the Washington Redskins on Monday Night Football. Sanitized for your protection... Thank goodness, gent...

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Michael Vick Declares Himself Fit as a Dogfighting Rottweiller, In Preparation for His Upcoming Loss To Indianapolis This Sunday.

Funny story: Michael Vick Declares Himself Fit as a Dogfighting Rottweiller, In Preparation for His Upcoming Loss To Indianapolis This Sunday.

The Philadelphia Eagles starting quarterback, Kevin Kolb, wait, no... Michael Vick, then Kevin Kolb, then Michael Vick, says he is as fit as a Rottweiller in a dogfight, and is ready to get to The Linc, where Peyton Manning's Indianapolis Colts will...

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Andy Reid Confirms, Under his Breath, That Michael Vick is Next Week's Starting QB

Funny story: Andy Reid Confirms, Under his Breath, That Michael Vick is Next Week's Starting QB

During head coach Andy Reid's weekly "Here's why we lost" press conference, the coach was asked who will be the Philadelphia Eagles' starting quarterback next week, Bobby Hoying clone Kevin Kolb, or PETA (wanted) poster boy Michael Vick. Michael Vic...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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