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Funny satire stories about Pensions

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Dave leaves it to Nick to explain

Funny story: Dave leaves it to Nick to explain

Days before an important by election cased by the humiliating resignations of the Lib Dem mainstay Chris Huhne the Prime Minister is to force Nick Clegg to explain why the UK joined Greece this week in becoming one of two first world countries where...

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Tesco: Every Little Old Lady Helps

Funny story: Tesco: Every Little Old Lady Helps

Tesco are due to announce that they intend to change retirement age for their staff from 65 to 67. They will become the first major employer to make the change, and they believe the move will be popular. Tesco Group Personnel Director Val Ewebran...

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Sweetness to slaughter cows

Funny story: Sweetness to slaughter cows

New York, NY - The U.N. has proclaimed that effective today, no animals will be slaughtered with barbaric and painful mechanical means, such as shooting in the head. Animals will be slaughtered sweetly. Ms. Beeker, our correspondent at the U.N. r...

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Doubling of old age care costs stirs shares in 'backhanded slaps' market

News that the families of millions of UK pensioners will be forced to pay twice as much for them to stay in a care home has seen stocks and shares in the mashed food and backhanded slap markets soar to unprecedented new heights. Market's across t...

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When I'm Sixty-Eight (song for a public sector workers' musical)

Funny story: When I'm Sixty-Eight (song for a public sector workers' musical)

When I'm Sixty-Eight by Rob Barratt (With a nod to Paul McCartney) Sing to The Beatles "When I'm Sixty-four" (Hum clarinet intro...) Doodley dum dum, doodley dum, de doo de dada doo de dop-um-bum... 1.When I get older, losing my mind I'll still have to teach Propped up in the corner on me zimmer-frame Arthur-itis giving me pain Thirty-five children climbing the walls Won't it just...

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Danny Alexander to Change Middle Name by Deed Poll

Funny story: Danny Alexander to Change Middle Name by Deed Poll

Chief Secretary of the Treasury, Danny Alexander, has today confirmed that he has been asked to officially change his middle name from "Grain" to the more commonly used "Fucking". "It's true," said Alexander himself, whilst straightening George Os...

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Hospital Horror Show

A debilitating strike swept the public sector yesterday causing mild annoyance and under the breath insults. The hospitals, the schools and some other self important institutions would descend into anarchy and fall to ruin. Without staff to man the gun emplacements at Hull Royal Infirmary it was feared roving gangs of feral looters would raid the pharmacy. Back and to the Left news interviewed...

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Pension Age to be Index Linked...To Your Age!

Funny story: Pension Age to be Index Linked...To Your Age!

London: The Department of Pain and Servitude released a statement yesterday on changes to the pension age of UK citizens. From next week the old fashioned, and some would say completely unfair system of fixing the pension age for everyone to sixt...

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Elderly Care 'To Be Knee-Capped At £35K'

Funny story: Elderly Care 'To Be Knee-Capped At £35K'

London - Those Nazi Tories want to knee-cap scrounging geriatric layabouts who refuse to pay for local authority chemical coshing during the twilight years, a report out today has concluded. This means a new £35,000 'bung' will be required before...

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Doctors' "shock and outrage" at news they are to be done over like the rest of us

Funny story: Doctors' "shock and outrage" at news they are to be done over like the rest of us

Doctors' leaders today angrily reacted to the news that they were to be treated like every other poor sod. Senior GPs and Consultants looked up from charging around in Range Rovers, guzzling Claret and refusing to do home visits long enough to not...

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US House covets dental gold

Funny story: US House covets dental gold

Washington DC - A confidential source, code-named Praline, on a key committee of the US House has revealed that not only will Social Security be cut to the quick, but Baby Boomers will be targeted in a new way. As gold is expected to reach $2,000...

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France revives Empire to finance pensions at 60

Funny story: France revives Empire to finance pensions at 60

The French government has bowed to protestors objecting to the official French retirement age of 62. Mr. Sarkozy has crowned himself as Emperor of France in Napoleonic style this morning. La Republique est Mort - We can no longer finance the li...

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Government Taking the Piss over Pension Reforms

The government are currently assessing proposals to how State Pensions are calculated, with plans to move away from the age-assessment which has been in place since everything was in black and white and before the smile was invented. Working from...

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Pension Age Set to Rise To 100

Secret Government proposals are afoot to raise the pension age to one hundred years old. This comes in the wake of discussions by DWP Minister Ian Dunkel Smyth to raise the retirement age to 70. Under the new proposals, dubbed as work til you d...

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UK Cash Crisis pension age to be raised to 95

Funny story: UK Cash Crisis pension age to be raised to 95

Alastair Dullthing has admitted that the UK cash crisis is so bad he is terrified to tell Gordon The Bully Brown in case he goes totally berserk. There is not enough money to pay peoples pensions so the government will now need to consider raising...

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What Does The DWP Do?

Peter, a bright young man who has been seeking employment for almost one year when upon his last regular visit to the JobCentre Plus was told that he had to take any job he was offered or he faces losing his Jobseekers Allowance. Minutes later he...

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State Pension Age To Hit 100

Funny story: State Pension Age To Hit 100

The government today announced that the state pension age will rise to 100. Angela Eagle, the bird in charge of pensions said "50 is definitely the new 30. People are living longer so it is only fair that we flog them to death for longer. We want to...

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Flu Outbreak and the Old Curable

Funny story: Flu Outbreak and the Old Curable

Health Ministers have been advising pensioners to Save having to get a flu jab each year by not queuing outside the Post Office every Tuesday morning in the pouring rain an hour before it opens. "They won't run out of money. It's not like the queue o...

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