Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist claims he felt embarrassed after Choc ice slur man had made the decision despite Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist telling the media in his pre-match press conference that all of his players would support the c...
Pensioners are to be mean-tested to see how mean they really are when the going gets tough.
Many grumpy old men and women are already very mean, since they have been practising for years.
"My granddad is really, really mean," said 8-year-old Ch...
This article, was designed by the effervescent, disconsolate, decrepit, depressed Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure, loneliness, depression, and being overcharged fo...
This article, was designed by Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure.
It is not intended as a solution for the those who are about to lose their concentration, bladder...
Washington DC - Lobbyists around the capital are pushing the Congress to enact new legislation to curb what they see is an attitude of blatant entitlement.
According to our source, Representative Crass Raftgay, banks want to put an end to entitl...
Texting for the over 60's.
The rioting, mugging, unemployed, alcoholic, smoking, drug-taking, spoilt youths and kids of today, have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc.
So here are some codes suitable for the more mature, decrepit, and coffin-seeking Senior Citizens of today.
AFE - Another Fart Escaped
ATD - At the Doctor's
ATM - All The Medications
BAS - Burnt Ano...
Our nations' pensioners are sure to throw their arms into the the air, in despair, if they're able to, after one of them was unceremoniously ejected from and subsequently banned from all 'First' bus services for the rest of her life, what's left of i...
A small village in Sussex has been blighted by an invasion of Amazonian Piranha fish.
The pond that dominates the centre of the village has seen a decline in its wildlife over the past six months with reports of duck and swan suddenly disappearing...
Don't need your pensioner's winter fuel allowance? Want to help someone who needs it more?
Well a local businessman is offering to take the hassle out of redistributing the annual government hand-out.
The scheme comes after a debate in the Hous...
Soixante Neuf Films is promising "new birds and blokes" in it's latest reality programme The Only Way Is Worthing.
A host of glamorous locations have been lined up, including the Worthing Pavilion Bowls Club, where 93 year old Doris Slapper, a re...
Sussex Police were on high alert today preparing to defuse trouble between rival sets of south coast gangs in Worthing.
Residents of the resort are anxiously awaiting the arrival of gangs of pensioners from along the coast at Littlehampton.
"We...
Sussex - Swarms of mating season Dermochelys coriacea leatherbacks were blamed today for 'hideous' attacks on British pensioners holidaying in the UK's 'Adriatic Riviera' of Bognor Regis.
Invading Caribbean testudines have apparently mistaken some...
Bored Worthing pensioners have caused outrage in the South Coast resort after another night of rioting and looting.
A gang of rowdy geriatrics were spotted outside the town's Oxfam Shop with piles of clothing, books and broken records strewn all...
Retired cinema usherette Marjorie Fosdyke-Spratt has set tongues wagging in Worthing.
Miss Fosdyke-Spratt, who is 102, was discovered under West Pier slumped over her zimmer frame with her knickers in a twist.
PC Eric Nonce feared that the pens...
Top Ten tips to the newly retired:
10. Relax for the first few days
9. Get out of bed at the same time as you did when working
8. Get washed every day and clean your teeth
7. Don't get into conversations with the tele-marketers
6. Don't start going to church if you didn't go when
you were working. This will only depress you.
5. Get to know your neighbo...
DIGGING
Dear Editor,
I know people talk all the time about how dull us elderly folk are, and about how we're forever harping on about the good old days, but I make no excuses for calling for the reintroduction of rationing. It never did us any harm, during or after the war, and you didn't see fat kids lolloping about back then. I genuinely believe that youngsters today would be far healthier...
Doting grandmother Nelly Bother, 76, was distraught today after her first tentative steps into the information age were completely ruined by the collective efforts of a bunch of Yanks.
Nelly, of Shiregreen, with the help of her Help the Aged suppo...
The government has announced plans to reduce the number of pensioners nationwide. This is the latest in a long line of initiatives to reduce the national debt.
Pensioners, they say, are a drain on national resources. Not only do they drain billion...