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Funny story:  Transport Minister McLoughlin says traffic volume on M25 halved by removal of lost pensioners

Transport Minister McLoughlin says traffic volume on M25 halved by removal of lost pensioners

The Transport Minister, Patrick McLoughlin has had very large exit information signs with huge lettering fitted onto exits on the M25 motorway. Yesterday tens of thousands of missing pensioners including Vince Cable and Kenneth Clark, streamed of...
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Funny story:  Winter Weather Shock

Winter Weather Shock

Wait for it - Prepare yourself. It is going to be COLD this winter! Spoof's meter logical expert has been up on the roof of our vast headquarters - somewhere in the UK - and tells us that the logic of his meter is quite clear: It is going to be CO...
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Funny story:  One Direction bus causes Right nightmare

One Direction bus causes Right nightmare

Teen heartthrobs One Direction's future looks uncertain as they remain stuck on their tour bus in Thirsk, North Yorkshire. They have been trapped in the town since Thursday afternoon, when the driver was unable to negotiate his way out of the central...
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Funny story:  The Missing Link

The Missing Link

"Look Sir, we have searched the house and I can tell you, hand on heart, he is not here". "Don't believe it, the silly sod has got drunk and fallen down a crevice somewhere". "I understand the grounds are quite extensive but my officers and I have had a good look". "Did you check the old out houses and the barn?" "Yes sir, every possible nook and cranny has been searched, he is not her...
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Funny story:  Choc ice slur man makes stand against racism, by kicking "Kick Racism Out Of Football" out of football

Choc ice slur man makes stand against racism, by kicking "Kick Racism Out Of Football" out of football

Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist claims he felt embarrassed after Choc ice slur man had made the decision despite Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist telling the media in his pre-match press conference that all of his players would support the c...
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Funny story:  Government plans to mean-test pensioners

Government plans to mean-test pensioners

Pensioners are to be mean-tested to see how mean they really are when the going gets tough. Many grumpy old men and women are already very mean, since they have been practising for years. "My granddad is really, really mean," said 8-year-old Ch...
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Funny story:  Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterswaithe Part 2

Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterswaithe Part 2

This article, was designed by the effervescent, disconsolate, decrepit, depressed Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure, loneliness, depression, and being overcharged fo...
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Funny story:  Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterwaithe

Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterwaithe

This article, was designed by Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure. It is not intended as a solution for the those who are about to lose their concentration, bladder...
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Funny story:  Banks push for entitlement reform

Banks push for entitlement reform

Washington DC - Lobbyists around the capital are pushing the Congress to enact new legislation to curb what they see is an attitude of blatant entitlement. According to our source, Representative Crass Raftgay, banks want to put an end to entitl...
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Funny story:  Texting Codes for the over 60's Defined!

Texting Codes for the over 60's Defined!

Texting for the over 60's. The rioting, mugging, unemployed, alcoholic, smoking, drug-taking, spoilt youths and kids of today, have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes suitable for the more mature, decrepit, and coffin-seeking Senior Citizens of today. AFE - Another Fart Escaped ATD - At the Doctor's ATM - All The Medications BAS - Burnt Ano...
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Funny story:  Mad Old Woman Banned From First Buses

Mad Old Woman Banned From First Buses

Our nations' pensioners are sure to throw their arms into the the air, in despair, if they're able to, after one of them was unceremoniously ejected from and subsequently banned from all 'First' bus services for the rest of her life, what's left of i...
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Funny story:  Piranha invade Sussex pond

Piranha invade Sussex pond

A small village in Sussex has been blighted by an invasion of Amazonian Piranha fish. The pond that dominates the centre of the village has seen a decline in its wildlife over the past six months with reports of duck and swan suddenly disappearing...
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Funny story:  Local Entrepreneur Offers To Help Fuel Allowance Redistribution

Local Entrepreneur Offers To Help Fuel Allowance Redistribution

Don't need your pensioner's winter fuel allowance? Want to help someone who needs it more? Well a local businessman is offering to take the hassle out of redistributing the annual government hand-out. The scheme comes after a debate in the Hous...
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Funny story:  The Only Way Is Worthing

The Only Way Is Worthing

Soixante Neuf Films is promising "new birds and blokes" in it's latest reality programme The Only Way Is Worthing. A host of glamorous locations have been lined up, including the Worthing Pavilion Bowls Club, where 93 year old Doris Slapper, a re...
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Funny story:  Worthing Prepares For Invasion Of Littlehampton Gang

Worthing Prepares For Invasion Of Littlehampton Gang

Sussex Police were on high alert today preparing to defuse trouble between rival sets of south coast gangs in Worthing. Residents of the resort are anxiously awaiting the arrival of gangs of pensioners from along the coast at Littlehampton. "We...
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Funny story:  Giant leatherback sea turtles menacing hapless Bognor OAPs

Giant leatherback sea turtles menacing hapless Bognor OAPs

Sussex - Swarms of mating season Dermochelys coriacea leatherbacks were blamed today for 'hideous' attacks on British pensioners holidaying in the UK's 'Adriatic Riviera' of Bognor Regis. Invading Caribbean testudines have apparently mistaken some...
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Funny story:  Semi-naked Worthing pensioners loot Oxfam shop

Semi-naked Worthing pensioners loot Oxfam shop

Bored Worthing pensioners have caused outrage in the South Coast resort after another night of rioting and looting. A gang of rowdy geriatrics were spotted outside the town's Oxfam Shop with piles of clothing, books and broken records strewn all...
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Funny story:  Worthing pensioners caught in Doggy position

Worthing pensioners caught in Doggy position

Retired cinema usherette Marjorie Fosdyke-Spratt has set tongues wagging in Worthing. Miss Fosdyke-Spratt, who is 102, was discovered under West Pier slumped over her zimmer frame with her knickers in a twist. PC Eric Nonce feared that the pens...
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True Facts From Snoops #1335

Snoops: The average number of toothpicks people swallow in their lifetime? Three. Mostly from laughing after dinner.

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