My friend Shylock Humes and I were crouching on the lawn of the villa of Colonel Clavicord, late of the Bengal Dancers, waiting for our friends from Scotland Yard to gather their forces for the final push into the villa, where it was my fervent hope that we would at last encounter the denouement of The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose.
Shylock Humes turned to me. In order to do this, he...
Hot, hot, hot off the press today is confirmation that French President Nicolas Sarkozy is to make a much anticipated appearance on British shores to star in panto this year. He will be appearing as head dwarf, 'Smelly' in 'Snow White and the Seven D...
Atheist fundamentalist and evolution fruitcake Richard Dawkins yesterday sensationally walked out from his debut performance in 'The Princess and the Rock', his latest indoctrination project aimed at brainwashing the gullible and stupid.
Dawkins,...
As unholy an alliance as it seems, the above named will actually be appearing in Dorking for six weeks over the Christmas holiday period, in the Dorking Review Theatre's yuletide festive panto production treat, Cinderella.
Directed by am-dram impr...
Embittered Manchester City star Carlos Tevez will today launch his new career on the West End stage.
In a radical departure from his current role as a forward for the Manchester side, now second in the Premiership, he has agreed to play Lady Brac...
Arsenal Wenger will be busy over the 2011 festive period following a statement from the Emirates Stadium today.
According to an announcement from the Gunners camp, the Frenchman will be appearing in pantomime at the end of the year.
Arsenal chi...
Things are getting fangtastically frightening in the Twilight world, writes Netta Morphosis, Celebrity Flux Correspondent.
Yes, the Twi-niverse is witnessing some cosmic creepiness going on right now, what with Bella, played by Kristen Stewart, b...
Theatre audiences in Glasgow are infamous for giving performers a hard time. Glaswegians are hard to please and when not pleased, they will let you know all about it.
Glaswegians, then, are stunned that even their extremely high standards have fal...
Mincing TV dance "star" Louie Spence has been given a resounding thumbs-down by panto reviewers.
The choreographer and 'TV personality,' who emerged from Sky's fly-on-the-wall series Pineapple Dance Studios, is appearing in Peter Pan at the Wimble...
The LibDems are in rehearsal for the opening night next Thursday of their special Pantomime season.
Led by Vince Cable the key section of 'Cinderella', with Nick Clegg in the starring role, consists of a fabulous chorus of 'Yes I will!' 'No he won...
Following the royals decision to freeze their pay for a year, the Queen has taken the unusual step of ordering her brood to get on their bikes to put bread on t'table.
HRH has even taken a temporary position herself with the help of Max Clifford,...
Serves between 500-600 people
For a fun-filled festive extravaganza, follow these simple steps:-
1. First, find yourself a medium-sized melting pot, or "theatre", in which to mix the ingredients. Nothing too chic or metropolitan is required. Why not try the Palace Theatre in Mansfield or Basildon's very own Towngate?
2. Next, make sure it's available for 6 weeks over the Christmas and...
Susan Boyle's latest song is to be Someday my prince will come from the movie Snow White and the seven dwarfs.
Boyle was due to appear in a pantomime at Christmas time Subo and the seven dwarfs but unfortunately the whole idea was scrapped after r...
Brittany Murphy, star of the movie 'Clueless' and sexy vamp in 'Sin City' has pulled out of a contractual obligation to act in the pantomime 'Cinderella' at Burnley Mechanics because she dropped dead yesterday.
(OH NO SHE DIDN'T! - OH YES SHE DID!...
As the panto season approaches, so the number of 'D' list celebrities vying for a place amongst the spotlights and balsa-wood stage sets grows.
Christy Bigguns, the fulsome, yet questionable actor of yesteryear, is assured of a place within both t...
With Panto season fast approaching, producers at the Manchester Palace Theatre have decided to ditch the traditional Soap Star in Cinderella approach that has served them so well in the past and try for something more edgy and topical.
Kerry Katon...
Brave Reality TV heroine Jade Goody has had her beloved £1 million Bentley convertible repossessed by the finance company 'Grabit and Scarpa'.
The car originally cost her only £100,000, but due to a variety of exclusive stories in various tabloid...
In recent years a glut of Australian soap stars have been drafted in to the UK, to appear in UK pantomime.
Henry Winkler, who used to be the Fonz and very cool, is now joining fellow U.S stars in this bawdy, British tradition. Starsky and Huggy B...