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Self-driven bus crashes in fake city, Las Vegas!

Funny story: Self-driven bus crashes in fake city, Las Vegas!

Las Vegas, 08.11.2017: It was a gamble (boom boom) in the gambling mecca of the world to start experimenting with self-driving buses shuttling gamblers back and forward from their one-arm-bandits to roulette tables in the city! The thing crashed o...

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Burgers to be banned on UK buses!

Funny story: Burgers to be banned on UK buses!

Smokers, alcoholics and people who don't pay their fares on UK buses are banned. Profane language and fighting on buses is banned too along with Grannies forcing young smartphone addicts to give up their seats! However, it seems that UK bus compan...

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Pope: I Hate You Butler!

Funny story: Pope: I Hate You Butler!

Pope "Blakey" Benedict XVI was last night seen waving his fist angrily from the Vatican balcony screaming "I hate you......butler" while donning a Town & District Bus Company Inspectors cap and sporting a brand new "Hitler" moustache. It is u...

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Mad Old Woman Banned From First Buses

Funny story: Mad Old Woman Banned From First Buses

Our nations' pensioners are sure to throw their arms into the the air, in despair, if they're able to, after one of them was unceremoniously ejected from and subsequently banned from all 'First' bus services for the rest of her life, what's left of i...

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Countdown's Rachel Riley Crowned The New 'Thinking Man's Crumpet'

Funny story: Countdown's Rachel Riley Crowned The New 'Thinking Man's Crumpet'

Countdown maths wizard, Oxford graduate, Rachel Riley, 25 who replaced the iconic 'Rear Of The Year' Carol Vorderman on the words and numbers show, has been crowned the new 'Thinking Man's Crumpet.' Rachel has been wowing the tea time crowds with...

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More Of Your Letters To The Editor

Funny story: More Of Your Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, everywhere I look of late, in your magazine, I see stories about the cucumber. Why is this? I am writing to register my disapprehension of these mostly sordid tales of the humble cucumber. Remember: cucumbers are not the only fruit, as I think Shakespeare said in one of his sonnets, and Annie Lennox later quoted in her big hit after she left the Heuristics and took up the market ga...

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Up The Buses! - Part 13E.

Funny story: Up The Buses! - Part 13E.

Blakey introducing the programme, staring unblinking into the camera and right into your living room. BLAKEY: "You are late again aren't you? How dare you be late like that! Where have you been? Continued from Up The Buses! - Part 13D. Up The Buses! - Part 13D. FLASHBACK to previous dynamic episodes that you MAY have so shamefully missed, to get you ALL up to speed! Blakey tal...

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Up The Buses! - Part 13D.

Funny story: Up The Buses! - Part 13D.

How dare you! You have been away again! Where have you been? Continued from Up The Buses! - Part 13C. Up The Buses! - Part 13C. FLASHBACK to previous dynamic episodes that you MAY have so shamefully missed, to get you ALL up to speed! BIG-BUSTY CLIPPIE: "So the first ever Local and District Bus Traction Brothel Tour will undoubtedly be the social event of the year! I wouldn't m...

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Up The Buses! - Part Five

Funny story: Up The Buses! - Part Five

Act 3: Scene 2 Interior:Stan's House. Stan, Mum and Olive are hurriedly stashing things in cupboards and draping the furniture in bedsheets. There is a whiff of panic in the air: FX - An impatient yet lengthy knocking at the door. BLAKEY: (Faintly - from outside the front door, and through the letterbox) Come on Butler! Open up! I know you're in there! Open this blinkin' door! STAN: Oh...

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Up The Buses! - Part 13C.

Funny story: Up The Buses! - Part 13C.

Where have you been, you have been away, what's your problem? Continued from Up The Buses! - Part 13B. Up The Buses! - Part 13B." Flashback to previous episodes that you MAY have so disgracefully missed, to get you ALL up to speed! BLAKEY: (talking to himself) "I must not get worked up. I hate Butler, but I must not get worked up! I must be jovial and kind at all times today to take...

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Up The Buses! - Part 13B.

Funny story: Up The Buses! - Part 13B.

You have been away, what's your problem, where have you been? Continued from Up The Buses! - Part 13A Up The Buses! - Part 13A." ACT 2, Scene 6 Camera 4 pans close up to Blakeys face, beads of sweat can be seen on his reddened face. Blakeys eyes are on stalks, frothing foaming from his mouth and gasping for air all at the same time. BLAKEY: "I have never seen anything like tha...

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Up The Buses! - Part 13A.

Funny story: Up The Buses! - Part 13A.

ACT 2, Scene 3 Camera 1 pans around Blakey's office. Interior - Blakey's office. Inspector Blake is sitting at prototype Sinclair Computer reading a few notes and there was a forlorne look on his face. Blakeys expression is one of concern, as may he might, the date is the 1st April. He knows from last years pranks, the Boss of Local and District Bus Traction Corp, warned him in writing no...

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Up The Buses! - Part Four

Funny story: Up The Buses! - Part Four

Act 3 - Scene 1 Interior. Stan's house. Stan, Mum and Olive are sitting at the breakfast table. Mum is looking at Stan with a concerned expression. MUM: 'Ere Stan love...are you all right boy? STAN: (Obviously feigning being in serious discomfort) I'll be all right mum. It's just me blinkin' cor blimey back...(Stan winces) I'm just a bit tender at the moment. MUM: (Concerned, maternal)...

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Up The Buses! - Part Three

Funny story: Up The Buses! - Part Three

Act 2 Scene 1 Interior - Blakey's office. Inspector Blake is sitting at his desk reading from a sheaf of paperwork. His expression is one of incredulity. He is talking to himself as he reads... BLAKEY - Hurrrr! Hurrrrr! They've gotta be 'avin' a larf innit? Sick? Sick? Eighteen staff I've got off on the sick right now. Not one of 'em's genuine. I'll 'ave em. I'll 'ave the bleedin' lot of 'em...

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Up The Buses! - Part Two

Funny story: Up The Buses! - Part Two

Act One, Scene 2 - the morning after. Interior: Stan's place. Mum, Stan (looking hungover) Arthur and Olive are seated at the breakfast table. Arthur is pointedly studying the daily paper, a tabloid. STAN - Cor blimey... (holds head in hands) MUM - Ahhh - what's the matter Stan? STAN - Naffink Mum. Just feelin' a bit fragile, that's all. ARTHUR (looking studiously at the paper) - Th...

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The Scruff Guide To Varnia - Part One

Funny story: The Scruff Guide To Varnia - Part One

The central European city of Varnia, formerly known as Schitzenpitzenholle is a weekend break destination set to rival the likes of Paris, Barcelona, Prague and Rome. Renamed in honour of the late 'On The Buses' star Reg Varney, the classic British sitcom aroused such a devoted following here that it almost approached fever pitch. Just about everything in Varnia has been modelled on an 'On T...

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Miley Cyrus To Join Benny Hill, Stan Laurel And Oliver Hardy In 'On The Buses' Remake!

Funny story: Miley Cyrus To Join Benny Hill, Stan Laurel And Oliver Hardy In 'On The Buses' Remake!

Cryogenics and digital editing have enabled teen sensation Miley Cyrus, to star in a $200 dollar remake of 'On the Buses'. The sexy teen who bears no resemblence to Hilary Duff will replace Ana Karen as Olive. Producers state "While age has been u...

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New BNP List 'On the Buses' Shocker!

Funny story: New BNP List 'On the Buses' Shocker!

Journalists at the Daily Scum have revealed, that Inspector Blakey, from "On the Buses" is BNP member 18. Not only does he resemble Adolf Hitler with his teutonic good looks and little toothbrush 'tashe'. But the number 18 is as sacred to Nazi's,...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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