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Funny satire stories about Old People

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Funny story: Put More Old People On the Moon

Put More Old People On the Moon

Following the roaring success of this year's Christmas John Lewis advert featuring a lonely old man living on the moon a government minister has come up with a unique solution to help all old, lonely, elderly, people. Norman Bygate, MP for Staff...
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Funny story: Woman Never Happier With Her Walker

Woman Never Happier With Her Walker

84 year old Delan, FLA resident Maggie Walton will be the first to tell you that she's never been happier with her walker. Having suffered from debilitating osteoarthritis and a slew of other ailments that would cost too much to print, Walton has...
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Funny story: Old Lady Arrested Outside Bank

Old Lady Arrested Outside Bank

An elderly woman was arrested in Kensington Hight Street London, England yesterday for malicious vandalism and wanton destruction of private property. Mrs. Edith Entwhistle explained to police who arrested her: "This is MY bank. Every letter I...
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Funny story: Taking Care of the Elderly

Taking Care of the Elderly

She's ancient, and unfortunately there is no longer anything to her. She seems, in general, to be doing well, but her doctor recently indicated that she needed some dental work done. She had given no indication of discomfort, and we hesitated to allow the use of anesthetic at her advanced age. To our great surprise, they took nine of her teeth, leaving her with only sixteen. The fact that t...
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Funny story: Elderly resident laments changing of the times, wishes 'cocksucker' was still popular

Elderly resident laments changing of the times, wishes 'cocksucker' was still popular

Harfold, Vt. - Harfold resident Samuel Cater, 86, pondered today the changes he's witnessed throughout the years, and he regrets seeing so much slip out of fashion. "I remember," reminisced Cater setting his Playboy aside, "when you could call som...
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Funny story: American Nursing Homes Join Natural Burial movement - Create Natural Compost Pits

American Nursing Homes Join Natural Burial movement - Create Natural Compost Pits

Dr.Edmore Cretan, National Director of "The Natural Burial Movement" announced today from a Nursing Home in Florida; "We are proud to announce that The National Association of Nursing Homes will be creating natural compost pits at all it's facilities...
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Funny story: World's Second Oldest Person Admits Chances Of Keeping Title For Long Doubtful

World's Second Oldest Person Admits Chances Of Keeping Title For Long Doubtful

Just days after becoming the world's oldest documented person, 116-year-old Gertrude Weaver died Monday in Arkansas. Weaver became the oldest person in the world after the death of a 117-year-old Japanese woman last week, according to records kept...
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Funny story: Ten Signs to tell you may be "Over the Hill"

Ten Signs to tell you may be "Over the Hill"

(1) You pick up speed. You find yourself singing "Where have all the flowers gone?" at taxi ramps. Or, "When I was twenty-one it was a very good year...." . People hide their children and move away from you because they think you have Ebola. (2) Girls don't find you attractive any more. They call you "an interesting man" but only to strangers who wonder how you can walk unaided, the way an astr...
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Funny story: Mexican Woman Claims she is old

Mexican Woman Claims she is old

Northeast, Mexico- Local Mexican woman named, Leandra Becerra Lumbreras tells authorities that she believes she is 127 years old; this would make her the oldest living person to ever roam this earth. According to the Guinness book of world records, t...
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Funny story: No Walking Stick After Six

No Walking Stick After Six

The following story is based on real events, some of the names have been changed and changed back in order to confuse you of their identity. No elderly people were harmed in the telling of this story. Frail. Feeble. A stark contrast from their buoyant youth. Their bodies since rejected them. The inspector again signing off on their case. This wasn't living. It was simply existing. Betty had bat...
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Funny story: Elderly Take Over Virginia Old Folks Home

Elderly Take Over Virginia Old Folks Home

At 5:56 p.m on August 11, 2014, Christiansberg, Virginia police received a call from inside the Christiansberg Retirement Home. On the other line was a frightened employee who claimed that the entire home was being taken over by riot. I am as sho...
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Funny story: O.A.Pimps

O.A.Pimps

Ever since the dawn of time people/old people, have enjoyed/felt equally ashamed of, having intercourse. In a society were sex sells and tits are bitcoins, the new look is to have those double D moneybags swinging by your knees. In an exclusive undercover report, we managed to have a sit down with the head of 'Golden Wheelchair Escorting' and ask...why? The 'Golden Wheelchair Escorting' company...
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Funny story: Last regrets of the dying split down gender lines

Last regrets of the dying split down gender lines

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College published a study today that shows that elderly men and women have very different regrets weighing on their minds as their dying day draws near. Of the women, 38% regret the fact that they didn't say "I love yo...
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Funny story: Cameron: "Hey OAPS! I love Countdown too!"

Cameron: "Hey OAPS! I love Countdown too!"

David Cameron is to publicly state how much he enjoys Countdown, his slippers and a good ol' cuppa tea, to try and garner more votes from people who probably won't be around for the next general election. Cameron is on his second week of shameless...
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Funny story: Budget favourable to People with Bingo Wings

Budget favourable to People with Bingo Wings

Chancellor George Osborne has hailed his Budget as one for "makers, doers and savers...with bingo wings" after many measures made seemed to favour those with excess flesh around their upper arm area. The ability for those exhibiting surplus arm sk...
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Funny story: More Senior Citizens Buying Viagra, Other Drugs in Mexico

More Senior Citizens Buying Viagra, Other Drugs in Mexico

Why are so many older Americans purchasing their penis pointer drugs in Mexico these days? "I pay $2 for a 20mg Levitra down in Tijuana where it costs $36 here so why do you think?", states one couple just returning to the United States." Despi...
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Funny story: Weak End At Bernies Movies For 24 Hours

Weak End At Bernies Movies For 24 Hours

My grandfather was over spending the weekend at my college as I had an extra room and the rest of the family told me it was my time. Gramps is not a bad old guy, just a little senile but mostly lonesome as all his old friends are dead. "Grandpa, there's a 'Weekend At Bernies' marathon on this weekend. I need to go out and do some stuff, I'll get it started for you. If you get tired, turn it...
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Funny story: The Dance "The Robot" Has Just Become The Number One Dance At 9 Out of 10 Senior Citizen Homes

The Dance "The Robot" Has Just Become The Number One Dance At 9 Out of 10 Senior Citizen Homes

TOPEKA, Kansas - Word coming out of the Midwest is that the residents of old folks homes have just embraced a new favorite dance. Cressida Guava, 49, a representative with AARP stated that up until recently The Hokey Pokey was the best liked dance...
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