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Funny satire stories about Nuclear Weapons

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Funny story: Kid Makes Nuclear Bomb Out of Vegetable Soup

Kid Makes Nuclear Bomb Out of Vegetable Soup

Sterling, Virginia boy, Hank Incendiary, has managed to cultivate the latent radiation in vegetable soup and use it to assemble a nuclear bomb. Using a homemade radiation absorption brush built from pieces of Lego, Hank managed to accumulate 20 lbs...
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Funny story: GOP Promises To Spank Trump If He Abuses Nuclear Arsenal

GOP Promises To Spank Trump If He Abuses Nuclear Arsenal

Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan say they will resort to corporal punishment if Donald Trump should ever abuse his access to the nations nuclear codes. "I think a good old fashioned spanking or paddling would be in order," McConnell said. "Donald Tru...
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Funny story: John Kerry 'Accidentally' Nukes The Onion, Sky Doesn't Fall In (1/2)

John Kerry 'Accidentally' Nukes The Onion, Sky Doesn't Fall In (1/2)

Notable public figure, hilariously swiftboated, um, SWIFTBOAT political celebrity and darling of the MSNBC broadcasting-apologetical complex John Kerry… Well, he's just made yet another honest mistake in a somewhat lengthy line of honest mistakes. John Kerry has put his hermeneutical philosophy of 'The Constitution is a living document' into practice via a creative reinterpretation of the Fi...
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Funny story: John Kerry denies he was doing lazy 8s

John Kerry denies he was doing lazy 8s

A little earlier today, I contacted Mass. General Hospital to check on the status of Secretary of State Kerry because of his bicycle accident. I had to pull some strings to get inside, but I managed to reach his doctor, Dr. Handleman Keurner, chie...
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Funny story: Isle Of Wight News - Seized "Centrifuges" Not indicative Of Nuclear Capability

Isle Of Wight News - Seized "Centrifuges" Not indicative Of Nuclear Capability

"Centrifuges" siezed by customs officers on the Isle of Wight ferry were discovered to be old fashioned washing machines bound for the HMP Isle of Wight prisons it was claimed this morning. The Hotpoint Super-Swirl twin tub machines were thought...
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Funny story: Hadron Collider Discovers God

Hadron Collider Discovers God

The scene was reminiscent of a European Cup soccer final as hundreds of scientists leapt into the air screaming and shouting and hugging each other as sheaves of paper drifted through the air. It all happened at their research centre in Geneva at...
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Funny story: White House Apocalyptic Announcement

White House Apocalyptic Announcement

Press Secretary for President Obama's administration, Karl Von Mitty Munchausen announced today to at gathering of journalists and reporters invited to a White House tickets-only news conference the following: "General Martin Dempsey, chairman of...
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Funny story: Environmentalists Boldly Demand Obama to "Nuke the Coal"

Environmentalists Boldly Demand Obama to "Nuke the Coal"

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Thousands of protestors in California gathered for public awareness on the threat of coal. "Imminent and complete extinction of all life on the planet" could occur before the next election if drastic measures are not taken, or som...
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Funny story: Bush and Blair should have nuked Fallujah says ex-First Earth Battalion's General Stubblebine

Bush and Blair should have nuked Fallujah says ex-First Earth Battalion's General Stubblebine

Fort Huachuca, Arizona - "Too damn busy minding their TV ratings," the Pentagon's former top psychic warfare specialist General Albert Stubblebine III told a specially convened meeting of the Military Intelligence Hall of Fame today. A Hall inaug...
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Funny story: America's Secret Kamikaze Fighters if Nuclear Weapons Launched

America's Secret Kamikaze Fighters if Nuclear Weapons Launched

In an exclusive report by a former volunteer who has left because his age was past the limit has told a few people about a secret military group in the United States arsenal that none of us had heard before. Remember the Japanese Kamikaze fighters...
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Funny story: Somalian Pirates Announce They Now Have A Nuclear Weapon

Somalian Pirates Announce They Now Have A Nuclear Weapon

NEW YORK CITY - American Spotlight Magazine has just stated that highly reliable sources have made it known that the rogue sea bandits known as The Somalian Pirates now possess a nuclear weapon. The source stated that the weapon of mass destructio...
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Funny story: CIA Picks Up "Kosher Nukes"

CIA Picks Up "Kosher Nukes"

The CIA and now the intelligence agencies in France and England are picking up a lot of chatter but cannot tell where it is coming from. "It seems that the two words that were plain were 'Kosher Nukes' or something like that", stated a spokesman a...
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Funny story: President Obama Tells Mexico That If She Disarms Her Nuclear Weapons He'll Allow 400 Illegal Aliens To Enter The USA

President Obama Tells Mexico That If She Disarms Her Nuclear Weapons He'll Allow 400 Illegal Aliens To Enter The USA

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House is reporting that President Obama is not thrilled with the fact that our neighbor to the south has just perfected the art of manufacturing nuclear weapons, or as the Three Amigos, Georgie Bush, Dickie Cheney, and Do...
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Funny story: Mexico Announces They Have Developed A Nuclear Weapon

Mexico Announces They Have Developed A Nuclear Weapon

MEXICO CITY - Word coming from South of the border is that the Republic of Mexico has just joined the elite group of nations who possess nuclear weapons. Mexico's Las Maracas National News Agency is reporting that the weapons of mass destruction h...
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Funny story: White House Criticized After Error Leads To Copy of Superman II Being Sent to Ayatollah Instead of Message of Peace

White House Criticized After Error Leads To Copy of Superman II Being Sent to Ayatollah Instead of Message of Peace

Washington D.C. The Obama administration went into full damage limitation mode yesterday after delicate negotiations with Iran over nuclear weapons and cultural spheres of influence came crashing to a halt when the White House is believed to have acc...
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Funny story: US Nuclear Military Cheat On Tests, Are Drunk

US Nuclear Military Cheat On Tests, Are Drunk

America's relation to nuclear energy is once again problematic. This time it is sailors training on nuclear reactors cheating on tests involving classified material. A navy investigation is underway as 30 senior enlisted seamen have been suspended...
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Funny story: Stephen Hawking: Of Course Earth Has Visitors From Other Planets

Stephen Hawking: Of Course Earth Has Visitors From Other Planets

Much to most people's surprise, Stephen Hawking has assured other scientists some time ago that what we call aliens have often visited the earth. With his mechanical voice and appearance, Stephen Hawking almost appears as an alien himself. However...
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Funny story: George Zimmerman being considered as new sanction to keep Iran non-nuclear

George Zimmerman being considered as new sanction to keep Iran non-nuclear

Sanctions on Iran due to its nuclear program have been given new life today with reports of a valuable new weapon in the struggle--George Zimmerman. The US Congress is eager to push both old and new sanctions, despite the recent step toward peace...
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Breaking News...

Donald Trump Abducted by ISIS

His captors have reportedly strapped him to a chair, Clockwork Orange style, and are forcing him to watch Speedy Gonzales, Machete, and Cheech & Chong, until he volunteers to cut his own throat.
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