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Funny story: Lecture in Nottingham by Prof. Grimesworthy

Lecture in Nottingham by Prof. Grimesworthy

'We must ensure a future for our children' Nottingham University's Professor Grimesworthy Ph.D gave a speech to the Muggedanddrugged Lane Community Association last week in Nottingham. He arrived at the centre, parked up his Range Rover, posed for the press photographs, and entered the shed. He was welcomed at the 15 seated Le Grand meeting hall at the side of the disused and fire-bombed...
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Funny story: Selected Nottingham News for W/E 2nd Sept 2012 + comments

Selected Nottingham News for W/E 2nd Sept 2012 + comments

Monday 27th August Topic: Crime - Scum - Attack - Pensioner Headline "Men threaten Kimberley pensioner with knife and ransack her home" Source: This is Nottingham Extract: The four thugs pushed Balwinder Dhami over and held her down after she answered a knock at her door on Saturday evening. The 69-year-old told how they ransacked her bungalow in Kimberley looking for money in the 15-minute...
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Funny story: My Senior Moments for W/E: 2nd September 2012

My Senior Moments for W/E: 2nd September 2012

Monday 27th August 2012: * Up early, medications (all bar water tablets) then did the Spoof diaries for the day. During which I only required four visits to the WC... getting easier now. * Wash, shave sh__, teggies tended to. * Went over to see Stewart, but he was not in, I'd forgot it was Monday, his day at the social centre. (I know... your amazed that I should forget anything) * Set...
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Funny story: New Threat to David Cameron taken seriously by G4S, Police and MI5!

New Threat to David Cameron taken seriously by G4S, Police and MI5!

Investigative reporter Bartholomew Utterswaithe, reports on the situation regarding the anonymous threats received at the Nottingham Conservative supporters headquarters last week. Party chairperson Hortensia Araminta Ponsomby-Smyth explained to U...
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Funny story: Selected Political News for W/E 27th August 2012 + comments

Selected Political News for W/E 27th August 2012 + comments

Monday 20th August Topic: Ian Duncan Smith - Unemployment - BBC Headline "BBC has 'Peed all over us' says Ian Duncan Smith" Source: The Sun Extract: The Work and Pensions Secretary said economics editor Stephanie Flanders had "peed all over" the figures to paint the Government in a bad light. Statistics last week showed that despite the recession June unemployment was 2.56 million - the low...
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Funny story: My Senior Moments: W/E: 19th August 2012

My Senior Moments: W/E: 19th August 2012

Monday 13th Aug * Up and at em this morning - feeling better than for a long time. Medicated, ablutionised, and over the road to see Margaret, looking good. * Walked to Bulwell, got some nosh in, and bussed home to the hovel. * Bit of bother late on staying awake, and food came back up. Tuesday 14th Aug * Again, despite proper kip, I felt okay this morning. * Medications, ablutions, diarie...
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Funny story: 50 Things Bartholomew Utterswaithe would do if he ruled the World

50 Things Bartholomew Utterswaithe would do if he ruled the World

I, Bartholomew Utterswaithe declare that in the event of my ruling the world, I would carry out the following 50 actions with haste, rapidity, and determination, for the betterment of mankind: 1) I would liquidate money from existence - every thing would be free. 2) I would ban impecuniousness, by ridding the world of those pathetic mongrels who suffer this fate, and feed the bodies (baked...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part 60 - Big, Busty, Brutal, Beautiful, Belinda

A True Diary of Woe - Part 60 - Big, Busty, Brutal, Beautiful, Belinda

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 105:Tesco's Big, Busty, Brutal Belinda I was on my way to Tesco, on Bath Street, Ilkeston for my first duties there. A nice sunny morning, plodding along on my Norton, young, fit, just promoted, willing and able, and full of the joys of spr...
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Funny story: My Senior Moments: W/E: 5th August 2012

My Senior Moments: W/E: 5th August 2012

Monday 30th July 2012 * Hurray... some sleep last night, great! * Remembered I'd forgot something for last Saturday's Senior Moments diary: When I went to catch the bus back from Bulwell, I again tried to use me bank card by mistake for me bus pass! Then, got seated, got the crossword book out and failed to find any answers... then the driver told us all that the bus would not start, and...
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Funny story: My Senior Moments: W/E: 28th July 2012

My Senior Moments: W/E: 28th July 2012

Sunday 22nd July * Arthritis, impetigo, angina and hernia all easier today... well this morning, but the ulcer is giving me gip. Really thought it had gone, ages since any bother, but started again a few days ago. Got to see GP's nurse in the morning (if I remember), so will ask for a prescription for Aludrox SA... oh, they stopped doing that a while ago. * Cuppa and medications, carbolicali...
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Funny story: Nottingham News: For W/E: 29th July 2012 - With Comments

Nottingham News: For W/E: 29th July 2012 - With Comments

Sunday 22nd July 2012 Topic: Crime - CCTV "Mower thief caught out by camera in victim's van" Source: This is Nottingham (Stills from the camera included) Extract: An opportunistic thief was captured stealing a lawnmower by a hidden camera in the victim's van. Shauna Ford, 50, of Hucknall, bought the £22 video camera on eBay six months ago. She installed it under the rear-view mir...
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Funny story: My Senior Moments: W/E: 21st July 2012

My Senior Moments: W/E: 21st July 2012

Monday 16th July 2012 * Knees and hands much easier this wet morning. Hernia bothersome, angina okay, so a good start. * Set off on walk into town to meet Brother-in-law Pete for bus trip to Mansfield. Remembering to call at GP surgery en-route to book me CHD appointment... I thought I saw one of the receptionists smile... but I'm not certain, possibly a mild hallucination? * Met Pete, who seem...
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Funny story: My Senior Moments for W/E: 8th July 2012

My Senior Moments for W/E: 8th July 2012

Sunday 1st July 2012 * Woke up 0600hrs, angina pains bad, went to loo, as I passed through the kitchen, I took the burnt pan of veg stew off the stove and placed it lovingly in a bowl of water. *WC'd made a cuppa, took medications, and did a bit on the Spoof. Monday 2nd July 2012 * Up at 0500hrs, Spoofed a bit, took medications, made meal for the lovely Margaret, got me gigantic stack...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Nine - Tesco 1962

A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Nine - Tesco 1962

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 104: 1962: A Day At Work At Tesco "With thanks to Skoob1999 who triggered my memory of this incident, when he was telling me of one of his own. Thank You Sir!" I was at the back door of Tesco on Granby Street (later to become Maid Marion Way...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Eight - To the Chemists...

A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Eight - To the Chemists...

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947. He started life with nothing, and he still has most of it! Chapter 103: Fetching the Bi-Monthly medications Monday: Bi-monthly medications collection day Set out on the short ten minute walk to the pharmacists to fetch my bi-monthly medications p...
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Funny story: Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterswaithe Part 4

Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterswaithe Part 4

This article, was designed by the effervescent, disconsolate, decrepit, depressed Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure, loneliness, depression, and being overcharged fo...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part 58 - Going to Work

A True Diary of Woe - Part 58 - Going to Work

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 102: Going to work - 1960 I knew of the one-day bus-drivers strike, so set out really early to walk the 8 miles or so to Buwell. Being greeted as I opened the door by the snow and ice I did not expect. I went back in and adorned me well...
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Funny story: Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterswaithe Part 3

Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterswaithe Part 3

This article, was designed by the effervescent, disconsolate, decrepit, depressed Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure, loneliness, depression, and being overcharged fo...
View 'Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterswaithe Part 3'

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