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Funny story: Celebrities choose their World Cup XIs

Celebrities choose their World Cup XIs

Because it's the World Cup Final this weekend, we asked a number of celebrities to tell us who their top World Cup XI would be if they could choose anyone or anything to be on the team. We then imagined what would happen if they actually played each other. Reverend Timothy Pulpit selected a diverse group of objects. In the midfield he had church and gay marriage; on the left wing, Jesus, and on...
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Funny story: Think tank ponders Cameron's rug enigma

Think tank ponders Cameron's rug enigma

Since the Prime Minister David Cameron stated this week, that: 'if we lost Scotland, it would rip a rug from under the UK's reputation', Scottish and English philosopers and linguistic scholars alike have been in a frantic race to divine the meaning...
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Funny story: Before you were an ape, you were a shark? More evolution claptrap!

Before you were an ape, you were a shark? More evolution claptrap!

Idiots worldwide are today celebrating the latest stupid theory involving the myth of evolution. According to Professor Michael Coates, a biologist at the University of Chicago, the human lineage can be traced back to a primitive fish named Acanth...
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Funny story: Edward Lear: The Dorking Poems, Pt I

Edward Lear: The Dorking Poems, Pt I

Another selection from the fruitful harvest of Lear's Dorking years A deluded young vicar of Dorking Put a hen on his arm to go hawking. Though he hawked day and night, The prey simply took fright At the hen's dreadful flapping and squawking. A Mole Valley farmer one day Resolved he would live upon hay, So he sat on a cow And repeated his vow, Saying 'here with the catt...
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Funny story: Evolution riddle finally not solved exclusive!

Evolution riddle finally not solved exclusive!

The riddle of how our ancestors 'evolved' from moving on all fours to being bipedal has at last not been answered. A recent study, where 'evolution scientits' (not a spelling mistake)spent 14 months on holiday in Guinea, West Africa concluded that...
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Funny story: Fossil record far from complete claims Earth science manager

Fossil record far from complete claims Earth science manager

The discovery of yet another new species has also unearthed a frank admission from Earth science manager at Jurrasic coast heritage park, Richard Edmonds. Apparently the fossil record is far from complete. This will no doubt surprise the evolution...
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Funny story: Selected Ridiculous Letters To The Editor

Selected Ridiculous Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, I note that Paddington Bear will appear at Dalemain country house near Ullswater on the 25th and 26th of February, where he will visit The World's Original Marmalade Awards & Festival. He won't, though, not really. Because he doesn't actually exist, does he? Some soft-headed twerp buys his idiotic wife a teddy bear, then decides to write a book about an imaginary bear. It t...
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Funny story: Shove that in your hydrothermal vent!

Shove that in your hydrothermal vent!

Evolution buffs are today mourning the death of the fabled 'hydrothermal vent' theory for the origins of life. It was mused among eccentrics that somehow, life began in these mystical vents all by itself, millions of years ago. However, Professor...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson found at BBC

Higgs Boson found at BBC

The elusive Higgs Boson - the theorised particle which inspired a 10 billion pound hole in the ground has been found. Well so the BBC would have you believe. The BBC, famed for producing misleading 'factual' programming claims to have photographed...
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Funny story: Living Fossil discovered - Eelvolution on slippery slope

Living Fossil discovered - Eelvolution on slippery slope

Evolution has been dealt another awkward blow as a species claimed to be some 200 million years old, has been found, and unevolved! Protoanguilla palau, as the species has been named, has alledgedly survived for 200 million years because its envir...
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Funny story: Nonsense People - Who Are They?

Nonsense People - Who Are They?

Research by boffins at a top university has resolved an ages-old conundrum: who are nonsense people? Science suggests they are a small group descended from Italian immigrants living in a remote village in the heart of Wales. A large team of soc...
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Funny story: Song: "I'm Not Going to Come Up With a Song Title That Fits, Partly Because There Is No Line from the Chorus, Full of Wit, That I Think Is That Good At Summing Up The Ideals Present In this Work, and I Feels That You Should Take That"

Song: "I'm Not Going to Come Up With a Song Title That Fits, Partly Because There Is No Line from the Chorus, Full of Wit, That I Think Is That Good At Summing Up The Ideals Present In this Work, and I Feels That You Should Take That"

Another song. Yeah. On a roll ain't I? "I'm Not Going to Come Up With a Song Title That Fits, Partly Because There Is No Line from the Chorus Full of Wit, That I Think Is That Good At Summing Up The Ideas Present In this Work, and I Feels That You Should Take That" I'm defining boundaries, I'm shaping the future, I'm going to do shit, I'm brilliant at this malarkey, In fact, I'm so post-...
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Funny story: Biggest ever Spider fossil is a tiddler!

Biggest ever Spider fossil is a tiddler!

The biggest spider fossil ever discovered has been found in China. Yet it is a real tiddler! Evolutionists claim that the spider is a relative of the Golden Orb Spider, which grows to approximately 15cm. However, the fossil specimen is a mere 5cm.
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Funny story: More Begging Letters To The Editor

More Begging Letters To The Editor

The effects of this most confusing condition are truly bewildering. So I am doubly grateful for your time and understanding today. I, for example, have the random dislocation variant of the disorder, but there are many other ways in which sentences may be mixed, transposed or swapped. Donations will be gratefully received and will help us to work towards the rehabilitation of sufferers. This is th...
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Breaking News...

Man declared dead wakes up in morgue body bag

A bloody miracle, says the mortician, considering I was about to inject him with two gallons of formaldehyde

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