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Funny story:  Football Gossip & comments 17th July 2012

Football Gossip & comments 17th July 2012

Liverpool striker Andy Carroll, 23, has told his representatives to secure him a return to Newcastle. (from the Newcastle Evening Chronicle) But the Reds will seek to recoup at least £20m from the sale of Carroll this summer, a valuation that will sorely test Newcastle's aspirations to re-sign the England striker (The Guardian) I can imagine the conversation now - Liverpool: "We want £20 mi...
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Funny story:  Football Gossip & comments 9th July 2012

Football Gossip & comments 9th July 2012

Talksport Alan Pardew insists he is doing everything he can to keep striker Demba Ba, 27, at Newcastle I find handcuffs work best. Daily Mail Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey, 21, admits he and his team-mates have no idea how the situation with striker Robin van Persie will pan out. Have you thought about seeing a clairvoyant? Liverpool are understood to have had a bid rejected for 25-yea...
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Funny story:  Dalglish For The Chop Following April Fool's Day Debacle

Dalglish For The Chop Following April Fool's Day Debacle

Insiders today reported that Kenny Dalglish faces the sack at his beloved Anfield, following yet another Liverpool defeat - their sixth in seven games - away to Newcastle United, with the Geordies running out easy winners by a 2-0 margin. In a dis...
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Funny story:  Magpies steal United's jewels!

Magpies steal United's jewels!

A swarm of Magpies flew over Newcastle last night and stole all of United's jewels, and the show! In fact United's jewels didn't shine at all, they were too busy being "rubbed up" and pecked at by the Black and White flock of Magpies. United's bri...
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Funny story:  Retired Golden Girl sparks Toon Premier League surge

Retired Golden Girl sparks Toon Premier League surge

Who would have thought it, The Toon at 4th place in the Premier League? No, it's the playmaker who is making it all happen. An American actress better known for her biting performances in a famous TV comedy sitcom is the driving force behind Newca...
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Funny story:  QPR sign git

QPR sign git

QPR have signed Newcastle git Joey Barton. "I have always admired Joey as a git" said manager Neil Warnock. Barton will now be the highest earning git at QPR and fans are hoping the arrival of Joey will attract other big gits to the club: "We a...
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Funny story:  Arsene Wenger wants to hire Joey Barton's smoking gun

Arsene Wenger wants to hire Joey Barton's smoking gun

Gunners' boss Arsene Wenger has turned up the heat on football fugitive Joey Barton. Rumours are circulating the North London underworld that 'Frenchie' Wenger has sent a Michael Caine lookalike up to Newcastle with instructions to "Get Joey."...
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Funny story:  Friedrich Nietzsche gets respect from Joey Barton

Friedrich Nietzsche gets respect from Joey Barton

Alienated Newcastle footballer Joey Barton has been tweeting fans on Twitter about his "total respect" for German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Barton has told his 170,000 readers that the author of Beyond Good And Evil was "a real nutter" who...
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Funny story:  Liverpool Triumph As North East Suffers Apocalyptic Football Weekend

Liverpool Triumph As North East Suffers Apocalyptic Football Weekend

The Laing Art Gallery in Newcastle is currently hosting an exhibition of work by 19th century painter of apocalyptic scenes and divine retribution John Martin. The region's football teams must have felt these had been brought to life as they suffe...
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Funny story:  Premiership Star In Court

Premiership Star In Court

Newcastle United skipper Kevin Nolan has been fined almost £4000 after pleading guilty of speeding in a built up area. 28 year old Nolan, top scorer at the club since the £35 million January transfer window of Andy Carroll to Kenny Dalglish's Live...
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Funny story:  Newcastle Utd Targeted By £44 Billion Hosni Mubarak

Newcastle Utd Targeted By £44 Billion Hosni Mubarak

Having got out of Egypt by the skin of his teeth, overthrown President Hosni Mubarak is rumoured to be heading for NE England - and ownership of Newcastle United FC. "Hosni's crazy about his football", explained a spokesman at the President's Red...
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Funny story:  Andy Caroll joins Liverpool, told to get a hair cut

Andy Caroll joins Liverpool, told to get a hair cut

Andy Carroll, the hero of Tyneside is set to become the hero of Merseyside, but only if he gets a hair cut. "It was bad enough that Torres used to wear a headband," said lifelong Liverpool fan and Newcastle boss, Alan Pardew. "But Andy wears a scr...
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Funny story:  Newcastle Utd And Alan Pardew - A Triumph Of Hope Over Experience

Newcastle Utd And Alan Pardew - A Triumph Of Hope Over Experience

The football world was shaking its head in disbelief today as once again a throughly decent chap has decided to take a draught from the poisoned chalice. No doubt Alan Pardew will be handsomely remunerated for his efforts at Newcastle United but t...
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Funny story:  Kevin Keegan:  "I'll just LOVE IT, if I become Newcastle Utd Manager for a THIRD time!"

Kevin Keegan: "I'll just LOVE IT, if I become Newcastle Utd Manager for a THIRD time!"

St. James Park, Newcastle: The news on the Tyne, is that Kevin Keegan has made it known; "I'll just love it if I become Newcastle United Manager for a THIRD time!" Kevin Keegan was awarded £2 million (plus interest accrued) in severance claus...
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Funny story:  Ex-Newcastle Manager Chris Hughton was Russian spy

Ex-Newcastle Manager Chris Hughton was Russian spy

Newcastle United have parted company with manager Chris Hughton having labelled him a Championship standard equal opportunities Russian spy who just happened to have a done a pretty damn good job. The Premiership club says its fears over his dupli...
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Funny story:  Sol Campbell To Be Given 'Special Protection' At Newcastle

Sol Campbell To Be Given 'Special Protection' At Newcastle

Sol Campbell, the footballing journeyman signed this week by Premier League newboys Newcastle United, is to be afforded what has been called 'special protection' when he ventures out on Tyneside in an evening, due to the historically-harsh Geordie se...
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Funny story:  Cole's for Newcastle

Cole's for Newcastle

Defying history Joe Cole is going to Newcastle - rumours that he was signing for Liverpool have proved groundless. 'I know where Coles have always felt at home' said Joe 'I want to be with the Magpies.' Meanwhile in the rest of the League trans...
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Funny story:  Newcastle United Could Be Denied Promotion Over Technicality

Newcastle United Could Be Denied Promotion Over Technicality

The celebrations in the Bigg Market as Newcastle United apparently bounced back into the Premier League may prove to be premature thanks to an obscure 1997 clause which could see the Magpies have 20 points deducted from their season's total, thus den...
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Breaking News...

The Reason Illegal Aliens Are Staying Away

The U.S. Border Patrol stated the influx of illegal aliens is down by 17 percent. They say it's because illegal aliens do not want to come to a country that listens in on your phone conversations.

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