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Funny satire stories about New Year

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Funny story: Massed Mumblings signify the beginning of 2018

Massed Mumblings signify the beginning of 2018

Around the country, families, friends and work colleagues are currently planning for the massed mumbling of Auld Lang Syne. The song, written by Scottish Poet Robert Burns is only really known for its first verse and chorus (much like the national a...
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Funny story: Do Your New Year's Partying Early This Year: Doomsday Clock Running Slow

Do Your New Year's Partying Early This Year: Doomsday Clock Running Slow

Earth. According to the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, the Doomsday Clock is set to two and one-half minutes before midnight. As one scientist put it, "That's just long enough to find a brown paper bag and hyperventilate into it until you pass o...
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Funny story: Did you make a New Year's Resolution? Yeah, it's miserable, I know. So break it, shake it, and never look back!

Did you make a New Year's Resolution? Yeah, it's miserable, I know. So break it, shake it, and never look back!

So you've made your New Year's Resolution and you're already as miserable as all hell. The point is, all your New Year's Resolutions were made to rid you of things that are deeply rooted in what The Bible calls "The Seven Deadly Sins". These are the mortal sins that the Judeo-Christian God (sometimes "Judeo" here is spelled "Judo") will send you straight to hell for, if you don't get them under co...
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Funny story: Giant Pussy  Drop...Trump Tower...New Years Eve!

Giant Pussy  Drop...Trump Tower...New Years Eve!

In breaking news, the New York Times is reporting this morning that President-elect Donald Trump has scheduled a Giant Pussy Drop on New Years Eve at the Trump Towers.  The Times quoting the words of Attorney Joseph Welsh in the Army/McCarthy hearing...
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Funny story: Posthoorn Interview no. 6: Tom 'Brexit prepper' or 'Holiday prepper'?

Posthoorn Interview no. 6: Tom 'Brexit prepper' or 'Holiday prepper'?

Tom, from Scotland, has lived in The Netherlands since 1972 and has a Dutch wife. With Brexit looming, and maybe having to leave the Netherlands, Tom is prepping himself to live back in Scotland. Before going on holiday the reporter of the world...
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Funny story: T.V. Networks Curb Advertising Of Extremely Comfortable Sofas

T.V. Networks Curb Advertising Of Extremely Comfortable Sofas

Sofa manufacturers have said in an open letter this morning that they understand the need to protect the elderly and vulnerable from the temptation to buy "after New Year" sofas. Sofa chains, DFI, Q&B, Gladbrook and Bentley and Sharidans have...
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Funny story: Excitement About New Year's Eve Fades With Age - Study Finds.

Excitement About New Year's Eve Fades With Age - Study Finds.

Fayetteville, AR - A recent study by the University of Arkansas found that a person's excitement about New Year's Eve and associated celebrations tends to fade with a person's age. Lead researcher Vernon Springer, PhD, professor emeritus at the U...
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Funny story: Scottish Celebrities In New Year's Eve Strike Threat

Scottish Celebrities In New Year's Eve Strike Threat

Hogmanay 2014/2015 could be a sober affair with Scotland virtually on a general strike over the normally enthusiastic celebration period. Dissatisfied with a huge list of things which have turned out to be empty Westminster promises, the Scottis...
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Funny story: New Year Celebrations To Last Until The Following Christmas Every Year After Scottish Independence

New Year Celebrations To Last Until The Following Christmas Every Year After Scottish Independence

New Year celebrations in Scotland will last at least into March and probably through to Christmas each year in a stealthy plan by Scottish Nationalists to boost Whiskey Sales and T.V. advertising revenue. New Year, one of Scotland's most popular...
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Funny story: Pennsylvania Town, High As Kites Still Think It's 2013, Will Use Big Mushroom, Wild Party To Ring In 2014

Pennsylvania Town, High As Kites Still Think It's 2013, Will Use Big Mushroom, Wild Party To Ring In 2014

Evanstown, a town near Philadelphia that's famous for it's fungus will ring in the year, 2014 with a huge mushroom! No, it's not real but it weighs 3000 pounds and will be lowered by a crane and 978 local citizens. "I got a bad back and a hernia b...
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Funny story: Chinese Year of the Horse - New regulations cause shortage of horse Chop Suey

Chinese Year of the Horse - New regulations cause shortage of horse Chop Suey

The Chinese Year of the Horse 2014 may turn out to be a problem year for Chinese restaurants everywhere. Normally special menu for four persons will be the New Year's animal meat dish e.g. mutton for sheep, beef for Ox etc. Admittedly dragon, mo...
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Funny story: The Top 10 Headlines of 2013

The Top 10 Headlines of 2013

The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency based in Chicago has compiled a list of the top 10 headlines of 2013. ADGA Spokesperson Bagby B. Buckleybox stated that he sat down with several entertainment publications and news agencies and went over thousands of headlines. The group that Buckleybox met with consisted of Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo, Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle T...
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Funny story: A List of 10 Celebrity New Year's Resolutions

A List of 10 Celebrity New Year's Resolutions

Every year thousands of Tinsel Town celebrities make thousands of New Year's resolutions. And according to The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency of Chicago only about 3 percent actually keep those resolutions. The ADGA stated that of the 97 percent that do not keep their New Year's resolutions about 69 percent are broken within the first week. Most of these include dieting, drinking, gam...
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Funny story: Justin Bieber Retires From Music To Become A Speck of Lint You See Left Hand Middle Of Your Laptop

Justin Bieber Retires From Music To Become A Speck of Lint You See Left Hand Middle Of Your Laptop

LOS ANGELES, CA - Justin Bieber held a press conference today to announce that he retires and will begin the New Year as a speck of lint. "But I don't want to be any speck of lint, just the speck of lint you see on the left hand side middle of yo...
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Funny story: Rio Ferdinand' New Years' Eve samaritan plea!

Rio Ferdinand' New Years' Eve samaritan plea!

A desolate Hotel, near Wigan, UK: New Years Eve, everybody is getting ready for fireworks and champagne. People are getting ready for the BIG party. Then there is a desperate 'TWITter' message picked up by all good Samaritans, by a £115,000-a-we...
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Funny story: Man Reflects on Sad Loss Of Mother

Man Reflects on Sad Loss Of Mother

As New Years Eve approaches and we fondly wave farewell to 2012 and welcome, with open arms and a sigh of trepidation, 2013, many people will be reflecting on the loved ones they lost in the last 12 months. "It is a time for reflection" said grief...
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Funny story: Families expect verse to come

Families expect verse to come

Three-quarters of Britain's families are bracing themselves for a rush of New Year greeting cards with loads of pathetically up-lifting poems and massively predictable rhymes. In Scotland there will be more verse - and sometimes the verse is w...
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Funny story: Martin Shuttlecock's New Year Address

Martin Shuttlecock's New Year Address

Good Evening. I'm Martin Shuttlecock, and speaking on behalf of my beloved wife and myself, I would like to extend the warmest of New Year's greetings and felicitations to those who read this. The ones who don't can all fuck off. Right - It's traditional to look to the New Year with optimism. It's the done thing to hope for a peaceful New Year, and wish happiness, health and prosperity up...
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"Goop" Introduces Coal Egg

"Once you muster enough pelvic muscle strength to compress this baby into a diamond, you will have a beautiful gemstone to present to the man of your dreams," declared spokesmodel Gwyneth Paltrow.
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