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A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

Funny story: A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

We in the Neanderthal Independence Party (NIP) feel threatened by Homo Sapiens They may cause our lives not to have happy ends The Neanderthal Independence Party says we are culturally unique Though we're a little low-brow and evolutionarily weak We have more grass roots support than Neanderthal Labour And we'll try to reduce casual sex with our neighbours The Neanderthal Health Servic...

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Calling House Republicans "Neanderthals," Biden Bungles Again

Funny story: Calling House Republicans "Neanderthals," Biden Bungles Again

Gaffe-prone Vice President Joe Biden, speaking at an event celebrating his signature legislative achievement, the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), at one point called the House Republicans who opposed renewal of the Act in 2012 the "Neanderthal cro...

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Homo Sapiens Continue to Bludgeon Neanderthals

Funny story: Homo Sapiens Continue to Bludgeon Neanderthals

50,000 BC - Homo Sapiens are continuing their domination over Neanderthals this millennium as they have been over the last ten thousand years establishing a long term trend unprecedented in the Evolutionary League some would call a dynasty. Statis...

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Footballers too stupid to understand concept of racism, report finds

Premier league footballers are to be exonerated for their verbal controversies following the revelation that they are too inherently stupid to understand the literary connotations of what makes a given combination of words racist, a new study has fou...

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God Admits Neanderthals Were His Real Chosen People

Funny story: God Admits Neanderthals Were His Real Chosen People

Today God let it accidentally slip that the Neanderthals were his first and only choice to be his Chosen People. God created Neanderthals, he said, bigger, stronger, and more intelligent than humans. They were destined to create a peaceful civili...

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Ozzy Osbourne is a Neanderthal

Funny story: Ozzy Osbourne is a Neanderthal

Scientists who have been studying metal maniac Ozzy Osbourne's DNA, have today announced that, as suspected by many, he is ,in fact, a Neanderthal. Test results have concluded that 94% of his DNA is Neanderthal. The remaining 6% being of early West M...

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Dr Penny Horlick, from University of Oxbridge, finds a living example of prehistoric man, the australopithecus!

Funny story: Dr Penny Horlick, from University of Oxbridge, finds a living example of prehistoric man, the australopithecus!

Archaelogical Department, University of Oxbridge: Exciting news from the usually sleepy world of archaeology, Dr Penny Horlick, a prehistoric archaeologist at the University of Oxbridge, has found a living example of prehistoric man, the australopit...

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Signs of Neanderthals Mating With Humans

Neanderthals mated with some modern humans after all and left their imprint in the human genome, a team of biologists has reported in the first detailed analysis of the Neanderthal genetic sequence. A degree of interbreeding between modern humans...

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Neanderthal Human Love Story

Funny story: Neanderthal Human Love Story

Neanderthal Network News, Clouseau, France. Geneticists and anthropologists have argued for eons whether Neanderthals and modern humans actually slept together. Was a human just too ugly to have sex with? Were Neanderthal women so off-putting t...

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Neanderthals Sailed the Atlantic

Funny story: Neanderthals Sailed the Atlantic

Neanderthal News Network, Louisburg, Nova Scotia. Leif Erickson's buddies, and other Viking types, were in the new world long before Columbus. Now Archeologists have unearthed startling evidence that Neanderthals sailed the Atlantic thirty thousa...

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Neanderthals Are Alive in Vaucluse, France

Funny story: Neanderthals Are Alive in Vaucluse, France

Neanderthal News Network, Vaucluse, France. Vaucluse is the home to Mont Ventoux, the grueling mountain climb for the Tour de France, the largest truffle market in the world in Richerenches, and the last surviving Neanderthals. Yes, that is corre...

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Neanderthal Discovered Encased in Amber

Funny story: Neanderthal Discovered Encased in Amber

Neanderthal News Network, Vaucluse, France. Two weeks ago an almost tragic bicycle accident turned into the archeological discovery of the century. Noted Archeologist, and amateur bicyclist, Rene Jordane, 49, of Nice, distracted by his angry wife...

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Neanderthals DNA Lives On In Milton Keynes

Funny story: Neanderthals DNA Lives On In Milton Keynes

Scientists have revealed that traces of Neanderthal DNA has been discovered in several people living in Milton Keynes. The DNA suggests that Neanderthals mated with Homo Sapiens, possibly in Newport Pagnel one Friday night. The result of these enc...

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Neanderthals have relatives in Essex

Funny story: Neanderthals have relatives in Essex

Neanderthals are not totally extinct, in some of us they live on - a little bit... or maybe a lot... Something that we knew all along has been disclosed by Professor Svante Paabo, Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology. Prof. Paabo...

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Neanderthal Evidence Suggests Humans Have Always Been Bastards

Funny story: Neanderthal Evidence Suggests Humans Have Always Been Bastards

BRISTOL, U.K. - A new study suggests that self-importance dates back to before the Neanderthals. Archaeologist Zoão Bilhão of the University of Bristols in England said he and his colleagues have discovered 50,000-year-old perforated, painted seas...

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Global Freezing killed Off Neanderthals

Funny story: Global Freezing killed Off Neanderthals

Recent research by scientists suggests that Neanderthal Man who roamed the earth 50,000 years ago were wiped out by global freezing. Neanderthals were thought to be stupid but there is now evidence that they actually made tools and used make up an...

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Shocking Update: Neanderthals Insult Brits

Funny story: Shocking Update: Neanderthals Insult Brits

London - Elizabeth Morton of Duck Pound had just parked her car when a loud voice called out to her, "You call that a dress dearie? Good God, it makes you look so fat!" Turning around she saw the voice belonged a teenage female Neanderthal seat...

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Startling Discovery! Body found in Pelosi's vagina ID'd as Jimmy Hoffa

Funny story: Startling Discovery! Body found in Pelosi's vagina ID'd as Jimmy Hoffa

Scientists conducting a preliminary survey of more than 200 Neanderthal cave paintings discovered on the walls of Nancy Pelosi's vagina found the mummified remains of a man, shortly after midnight, Tuesday, August 4th. The FBI positively identified...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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