Teheran, Iran-- The Iranian government shocked the world today by launching a Neanderthal man into orbit. The hairy hominid circled the earth four times before making a successful splashdown in the Persian Gulf.
No reason was given for the bizarr...
Moscow, Russia-- Russian scientists have succeeded in bringing back to life a 30,000 year-old marijuana plant. The plant's seed was discovered in the pipe of a Neanderthal female in Siberia. Both had been quickly frozen during a massive blizzard.
Premier league footballers are to be exonerated for their verbal controversies following the revelation that they are too inherently stupid to understand the literary connotations of what makes a given combination of words racist, a new study has fou...
Today God let it accidentally slip that the Neanderthals were his first and only choice to be his Chosen People.
God created Neanderthals, he said, bigger, stronger, and more intelligent than humans. They were destined to create a peaceful civili...
Scientists who have been studying metal maniac Ozzy Osbourne's DNA, have today announced that, as suspected by many, he is ,in fact, a Neanderthal. Test results have concluded that 94% of his DNA is Neanderthal. The remaining 6% being of early West M...
Archaelogical Department, University of Oxbridge: Exciting news from the usually sleepy world of archaeology, Dr Penny Horlick, a prehistoric archaeologist at the University of Oxbridge, has found a living example of prehistoric man, the australopit...
Neanderthals mated with some modern humans after all and left their imprint in the human genome, a team of biologists has reported in the first detailed analysis of the Neanderthal genetic sequence.
A degree of interbreeding between modern humans...
Neanderthal Network News, Clouseau, France. Geneticists and anthropologists have argued for eons whether Neanderthals and modern humans actually slept together. Was a human just too ugly to have sex with? Were Neanderthal women so off-putting t...
Neanderthal News Network, Louisburg, Nova Scotia. Leif Erickson's buddies, and other Viking types, were in the new world long before Columbus. Now Archeologists have unearthed startling evidence that Neanderthals sailed the Atlantic thirty thousa...
Neanderthal News Network, Vaucluse, France. Vaucluse is the home to Mont Ventoux, the grueling mountain climb for the Tour de France, the largest truffle market in the world in Richerenches, and the last surviving Neanderthals.
Yes, that is corre...
Neanderthal News Network, Vaucluse, France. Two weeks ago an almost tragic bicycle accident turned into the archeological discovery of the century. Noted Archeologist, and amateur bicyclist, Rene Jordane, 49, of Nice, distracted by his angry wife...
Scientists have revealed that traces of Neanderthal DNA has been discovered in several people living in Milton Keynes. The DNA suggests that Neanderthals mated with Homo Sapiens, possibly in Newport Pagnel one Friday night.
The result of these enc...
Neanderthals are not totally extinct, in some of us they live on - a little bit... or maybe a lot...
Something that we knew all along has been disclosed by Professor Svante Paabo, Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology.
Prof. Paabo...
BRISTOL, U.K. - A new study suggests that self-importance dates back to before the Neanderthals.
Archaeologist Zoão Bilhão of the University of Bristols in England said he and his colleagues have discovered 50,000-year-old perforated, painted seas...
Recent research by scientists suggests that Neanderthal Man who roamed the earth 50,000 years ago were wiped out by global freezing.
Neanderthals were thought to be stupid but there is now evidence that they actually made tools and used make up an...
London - Elizabeth Morton of Duck Pound had just parked her car when a loud voice called out to her, "You call that a dress dearie? Good God, it makes you look so fat!"
Turning around she saw the voice belonged a teenage female Neanderthal seat...
Washington DC-- Anthropologists at the Smithsonian Institute have determined Scottish singer Susan Boyle isn't human--she's a Neanderthal. Susan is the last living link to a prehistoric primate species thought to be extinct for thousands of years.
Scientists conducting a preliminary survey of more than 200 Neanderthal cave paintings discovered on the walls of Nancy Pelosi's vagina found the mummified remains of a man, shortly after midnight, Tuesday, August 4th. The FBI positively identified...