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Funny story: A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

We in the Neanderthal Independence Party (NIP) feel threatened by Homo Sapiens They may cause our lives not to have happy ends The Neanderthal Independence Party says we are culturally unique Though we're a little low-brow and evolutionarily weak We have more grass roots support than Neanderthal Labour And we'll try to reduce casual sex with our neighbours The Neanderthal Health Servic...
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Funny story: Calling House Republicans "Neanderthals," Biden Bungles Again

Calling House Republicans "Neanderthals," Biden Bungles Again

Gaffe-prone Vice President Joe Biden, speaking at an event celebrating his signature legislative achievement, the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), at one point called the House Republicans who opposed renewal of the Act in 2012 the "Neanderthal cro...
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Funny story: Homo Sapiens Continue to Bludgeon Neanderthals

Homo Sapiens Continue to Bludgeon Neanderthals

50,000 BC - Homo Sapiens are continuing their domination over Neanderthals this millennium as they have been over the last ten thousand years establishing a long term trend unprecedented in the Evolutionary League some would call a dynasty. Statis...
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Funny story: Iran Sends Neanderthal Into Outer Space

Iran Sends Neanderthal Into Outer Space

Teheran, Iran-- The Iranian government shocked the world today by launching a Neanderthal man into orbit. The hairy hominid circled the earth four times before making a successful splashdown in the Persian Gulf. No reason was given for the bizarr...
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Funny story: Russians Resurrect 30,000 Year Old Cannabis Plant, Putin Smokes It

Russians Resurrect 30,000 Year Old Cannabis Plant, Putin Smokes It

Moscow, Russia-- Russian scientists have succeeded in bringing back to life a 30,000 year-old marijuana plant. The plant's seed was discovered in the pipe of a Neanderthal female in Siberia. Both had been quickly frozen during a massive blizzard.
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Funny story: Footballers too stupid to understand concept of racism, report finds

Footballers too stupid to understand concept of racism, report finds

Premier league footballers are to be exonerated for their verbal controversies following the revelation that they are too inherently stupid to understand the literary connotations of what makes a given combination of words racist, a new study has fou...
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Funny story: God Admits Neanderthals Were His Real Chosen People

God Admits Neanderthals Were His Real Chosen People

Today God let it accidentally slip that the Neanderthals were his first and only choice to be his Chosen People. God created Neanderthals, he said, bigger, stronger, and more intelligent than humans. They were destined to create a peaceful civili...
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Funny story: Ozzy Osbourne is a Neanderthal

Ozzy Osbourne is a Neanderthal

Scientists who have been studying metal maniac Ozzy Osbourne's DNA, have today announced that, as suspected by many, he is ,in fact, a Neanderthal. Test results have concluded that 94% of his DNA is Neanderthal. The remaining 6% being of early West M...
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Funny story: Dr Penny Horlick, from University of Oxbridge, finds a living example of prehistoric man, the australopithecus!

Dr Penny Horlick, from University of Oxbridge, finds a living example of prehistoric man, the australopithecus!

Archaelogical Department, University of Oxbridge: Exciting news from the usually sleepy world of archaeology, Dr Penny Horlick, a prehistoric archaeologist at the University of Oxbridge, has found a living example of prehistoric man, the australopit...
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Funny story: Signs of Neanderthals Mating With Humans

Signs of Neanderthals Mating With Humans

Neanderthals mated with some modern humans after all and left their imprint in the human genome, a team of biologists has reported in the first detailed analysis of the Neanderthal genetic sequence. A degree of interbreeding between modern humans...
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Funny story: Neanderthal Human Love Story

Neanderthal Human Love Story

Neanderthal Network News, Clouseau, France. Geneticists and anthropologists have argued for eons whether Neanderthals and modern humans actually slept together. Was a human just too ugly to have sex with? Were Neanderthal women so off-putting t...
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Funny story: Neanderthals Sailed the Atlantic

Neanderthals Sailed the Atlantic

Neanderthal News Network, Louisburg, Nova Scotia. Leif Erickson's buddies, and other Viking types, were in the new world long before Columbus. Now Archeologists have unearthed startling evidence that Neanderthals sailed the Atlantic thirty thousa...
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Funny story: Neanderthals Are Alive in Vaucluse, France

Neanderthals Are Alive in Vaucluse, France

Neanderthal News Network, Vaucluse, France. Vaucluse is the home to Mont Ventoux, the grueling mountain climb for the Tour de France, the largest truffle market in the world in Richerenches, and the last surviving Neanderthals. Yes, that is corre...
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Funny story: Neanderthal Discovered Encased in Amber

Neanderthal Discovered Encased in Amber

Neanderthal News Network, Vaucluse, France. Two weeks ago an almost tragic bicycle accident turned into the archeological discovery of the century. Noted Archeologist, and amateur bicyclist, Rene Jordane, 49, of Nice, distracted by his angry wife...
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Funny story: Neanderthals DNA Lives On In Milton Keynes

Neanderthals DNA Lives On In Milton Keynes

Scientists have revealed that traces of Neanderthal DNA has been discovered in several people living in Milton Keynes. The DNA suggests that Neanderthals mated with Homo Sapiens, possibly in Newport Pagnel one Friday night. The result of these enc...
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Funny story: Neanderthals have relatives in Essex

Neanderthals have relatives in Essex

Neanderthals are not totally extinct, in some of us they live on - a little bit... or maybe a lot... Something that we knew all along has been disclosed by Professor Svante Paabo, Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology. Prof. Paabo...
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Funny story: Neanderthal Evidence Suggests Humans Have Always Been Bastards

Neanderthal Evidence Suggests Humans Have Always Been Bastards

BRISTOL, U.K. - A new study suggests that self-importance dates back to before the Neanderthals. Archaeologist Zoão Bilhão of the University of Bristols in England said he and his colleagues have discovered 50,000-year-old perforated, painted seas...
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Funny story: Global Freezing killed Off Neanderthals

Global Freezing killed Off Neanderthals

Recent research by scientists suggests that Neanderthal Man who roamed the earth 50,000 years ago were wiped out by global freezing. Neanderthals were thought to be stupid but there is now evidence that they actually made tools and used make up an...
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Santa's Grotto now to include Customer Returns Line

Unwanted Presents can now be returned over a Lapland phone - line. Elves won't man phones as headsets incompatible with Ears.
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