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Funny story: Mormon Missionaries linked to CIA

Mormon Missionaries linked to CIA

A recent hearing in Washington revealed that for many years, young Mormon Missionaries have been suspected of working for the CIA. "Who would suspect those shining young faces of being the eyes and ears of a well planned national information retrievi...
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Funny story: Utah Says Anyone Caught Exhibiting A Tramp Stamp Will Be Fined

Utah Says Anyone Caught Exhibiting A Tramp Stamp Will Be Fined

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah - Sixty-two percent of the citizens of Utah are Mormons. According to a recent survey taken by The Giddy Up Public Opinion Poll Company, 61.9 percent of those individuals are extremely dedicated to their religion. Mormons...
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Funny story: Latest Poll Says Black American Mormons would have Voted for Romney if only there were Any Black American Mormons

Latest Poll Says Black American Mormons would have Voted for Romney if only there were Any Black American Mormons

A new Fox News poll out today shows African American Mormons would have likely voted for Presidential candidate Mitt Romney in large numbers, if only there were any Black Mormons. Romney, reached during a vacation stop in Asheville North Carolina...
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Funny story: Obama finally plays Mormon card

Obama finally plays Mormon card

WASHINGTON, D.C.--In an unprecedented move, President Obama suspended his campaign today to address the nation from the White House, where he forcefully and unequivocally stated that Mitt Romney's Mormon faith should prohibit him from ever serving as...
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Funny story: Las Vegas will close casino gambling and turn the town into Jesus Land!

Las Vegas will close casino gambling and turn the town into Jesus Land!

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (ABSNN) - "As of January 1, 2013, if the Mayan calendar is wrong and the world does not end, casino gambling in the City of Las Vegas and Clark County will cease, forever. In its place, all hotels and casinos will be given over, as...
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Funny story: Romney to marry Lesbian Heiress

Romney to marry Lesbian Heiress

GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney is to take a second wife in accordance with his Mormon faith. Mitt will marry Gigi Chao the lesbian daughter of Hong Kong property tycoon Cecil Chao who earlier this month offered a $65m dowery for any man who c...
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Funny story: Mitt Romney Drops Out of Presidential Race

Mitt Romney Drops Out of Presidential Race

Republican Mitt Romney has abdicated his candidacy for President. "I just can't keep up the lies," he told reporters at a hastily-gathered cadre of news reporters at his palatial Hamptons estate. "I have absolutely no idea what I'd do as Presid...
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Funny story: Confessions of an undercover Jesuit in Mormon American Fork, Utah and how I alone will defeat Mitt Romney

Confessions of an undercover Jesuit in Mormon American Fork, Utah and how I alone will defeat Mitt Romney

I am a Roman Catholic clergyman, a Jesuit. From 1991 through the fall of 1994, I lived in American Fork, Utah, a then small, village between Salt Lake City and Provo. I was a missionary to the Mormons. I was also deeply under cover. For the first year-and-a-half my cover was that of a bar fly with my own stool at the le Sabre Lounge in American Fork, an honest to goodness bar (a private cl...
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Funny story: Many Mormons Are Upset At Mitt Romney's Running Mate Choice

Many Mormons Are Upset At Mitt Romney's Running Mate Choice

SALT LAKE CITY - A splinter group of the Mormon religion, which goes by the name of The Benevolent Old-Fashioned Mormons, has expressed dismay, disappointment, and anger at Romney's choice of vice-presidential running mate. BOFM director, Loxley E...
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Funny story: "God Particle" Found To Be Mormon Messenger

"God Particle" Found To Be Mormon Messenger

Special to TP News - Physicists at the CERN Laboratory in Switzerland announced that the Higgs boson, the so-called "God particle," resembles the Mormon angel Moroni. Moroni is the keeper of the golden plates on which is inscribed the Book of Mormon.
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Funny story: Mitt Romney Is So Desperate To Be The Next President That He Has Announced He Is Changing His Religion

Mitt Romney Is So Desperate To Be The Next President That He Has Announced He Is Changing His Religion

TUSCALOOSA, Alabama - Mitt Romney's presidential campaign tour bus pulled into Tuscaloosa, Alabama, the town made famous by the 60s Petula Clark song, "Me Bloomin' Heart's In Merry Olde England But Me Naughty Bits Are In Tuscaloosa." Romney spoke...
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Funny story: Appendix to the "Book of Mormon" under Lake Erie? Mormon "archaeological dig" unearthed below Lake Erie.

Appendix to the "Book of Mormon" under Lake Erie? Mormon "archaeological dig" unearthed below Lake Erie.

Cleveland, Ohio, the Home of Rock and Roll - A group of self-described "Mormon archaeologists" were arrested today at the Whiskey Island Akzo-Noble salt mine in Cleveland, Ohio. "I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw what they were doing to that...
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Funny story: Romney To Buy Wife Ann a Clothes Washer for Mother's Day

Romney To Buy Wife Ann a Clothes Washer for Mother's Day

Likely Teapublican presidential candidate Mitt Romney revealed that he will be purchasing a new clothes washer for wife Ann this week. "I think it's the ideal gift for a stay-at-home mom like Ann," said Romney during a break from the campaign trail.
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Funny story: Mitt Romney Comments On The New Marvel Super Heroes Film "The Avengers"

Mitt Romney Comments On The New Marvel Super Heroes Film "The Avengers"

CHICAGO - GOP presidential front runner Mitt Romney and his wife Ann attended a showing of the new super heroes film The Avengers. The blockbuster movie broke the all-time opening weekend record with ticket sales of over $200 million. After vie...
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Funny story: Mitt Romney to Make Necessary Changes to Son's Birth Certificate

Mitt Romney to Make Necessary Changes to Son's Birth Certificate

Mitt Romney, under increasing pressure to keep certain details about his past a secret, decided to sit down with his son, Matt Romney, and have a chat last week, according to a witness. "First of all, don't talk about Mormons," said the Republican presidential hopeful. "I do not wish to address that issue, so keep quiet! Not even a BYU co-ed joke, do you understand?" His son replied, "Okay,...
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Funny story: Rick Santorum embraces the Mormons in wake of Romney Excommunication

Rick Santorum embraces the Mormons in wake of Romney Excommunication

AMERICAN FORK, UTAH (ABSNN) - Quick to reap political hay in the wake of the stunning news that Mitt Romney was excommunicated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the Mormons, presidential hopeful Rick Santorum began studies to co...
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Funny story: Mitt Romney Excommunicated by Mormon Church! Becomes a Methodist

Mitt Romney Excommunicated by Mormon Church! Becomes a Methodist

SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney, the front runner in the chase for the Republican nomination for President of the United States was excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the Mormons, after it was revealed Sat...
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Funny story: Santorum Now a Contender: Santorum and Romney to Star in Broadway Revival of "Carrie"

Santorum Now a Contender: Santorum and Romney to Star in Broadway Revival of "Carrie"

With a new head of steam from his three electoral victories on Tuesday night, Rick Santorum is daring to think what might have been unthinkable just a week ago and remains improbable - particularly from a costume perspective - that he can dispatch Ne...
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Man declared dead wakes up in morgue body bag

A bloody miracle, says the mortician, considering I was about to inject him with two gallons of formaldehyde

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