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Funny story:  Dorking remembers its second most famous resident

Dorking remembers its second most famous resident

A remembrance service was held today in Dorking, to mark the tenth anniversary of the death of its second most famous resident, the poet Harold Kludge. After overcoming a lifelong fear of writing implements, Kludge began his career composing football poetry. He wrote his first poem in 1971, after watching Dorking Town lose to Bognor Regis in the first round of the FA Cup. It was a short, shocki...
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Funny story:  Happy Monday? Don't Make Me Laugh, Says Local Grump

Happy Monday? Don't Make Me Laugh, Says Local Grump

A local man has pooh-poohed the notion that today is the first happy day of the year. Psychologists claim that today, Monday, January 30, is the first happy day of the year because most Britons have just had their first pay cheque and have also pr...
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Funny story:  Nine things that'll guarantee you'll be a miserable bastard in the new year

Nine things that'll guarantee you'll be a miserable bastard in the new year

Bah-Humbug is your middle name. But why should a miserable bastard only get to be miserable at the holidays? Commit to memory these easy-to-follow steps and you'll be sure to be insufferable for all twelve months. 1) Run away from your problems. Why face problems head on when you can run from them and possibly make others feel as if these same problems were theirs and not yours. 2) Tell your...
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Funny story:  Miserable (Not To Be Confused With Stephen King's 'Misery') Part 3

Miserable (Not To Be Confused With Stephen King's 'Misery') Part 3

The story so far: Popular novelist, Mike Shuttlecock, author of the 'Miserable Bastard' series of novels, loosely based on his brother Martin's experiences, has endured a serious traffic accident in Wales, and has been taken away from the scene by his number one fan, Blodwyn Glendowr. And imprisoned in her home as a guest/patient/victim... Oh, and accused of plagiarism. Or something simil...
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Funny story:  "Online Stephen King Satire Serial May Never Be Completed" Says Local Man

"Online Stephen King Satire Serial May Never Be Completed" Says Local Man

An on line satire serial, loosely based on the Stephen King novel, 'Misery,' entitled: 'Miserable - Not To Be Confused With Stephen King's "Misery"' may never be completed, according to hack writer, local man, Martin Shuttlecock. The serial, whic...
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Funny story:  Miserable (Not To Be Confused With Stephen King's 'Misery') Part 2

Miserable (Not To Be Confused With Stephen King's 'Misery') Part 2

My first morning of being nursed by a raving lunatic. Blodwyn brought me breakfast in bed - not that I had the option of getting up. I had great difficulty moving my lips, let alone my legs. "Here you are Bach. I've brought yew yewer breakfast is nit," she cheerfully chirruped. She thrust a plate at me. I was in no position to refuse her 'hospitality.' "What is it?" I asked. I could...
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Funny story:  Miserable (Not to be confused with Stephen King's 'Misery')

Miserable (Not to be confused with Stephen King's 'Misery')

It's hard being a writer. Don't let anybody tell you any different. Contrary to popular belief, most writers would prefer to sit facing a blank wall, rather than overlook a paradise beach in the Caribbean. There are no distractions when you sit facing a blank wall, so in theory, the writing comes easier. I didn't introduce myself, did I? My name is Mike Shuttlecock, and I'm a novelist.
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True Facts From Snoops #1335

Snoops: The average number of toothpicks people swallow in their lifetime? Three. Mostly from laughing after dinner.

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