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Alabama's New State MottoAfter Tuesday Alabama's state motto, Audemus jura nostra defendere ("We dare defend our rights"), will most likely be changed to Audemus pedophilium nostra defendere ("We dare defend our pedophiles").
Republicans Decide Al Franken Must Be Executed to Set an ExampleTrump tweets his support and reminds voters that Roy Moore never admitted HE did anything wrong.
After Slashing Size of Utah Monuments,Trump Will Next Sub-Divide the Grand CanyonThe portion of the Grand Canyon freed from historical status will be filled in and a casino built.
Congressman Conyers Names Son to Succeed Him in U.S. House and Confers New TitleRetiring Mich. Rep Conyers proclaims his son as rightful inheritor of his Detroit fiefdom. Jealous of his seniority in the House as King o'Droopy Underpants, he quickly dubs Junior as Knave of Boxers.
Senator Al Franken Claims Special Privilege for Abusing WomenOuted serial abuser Al "Raging Tongue" Franken states it was his right and special privilege to attack women due to his status as a former lame-ass, humor-challenged, narcissistic comedian.
Colin Kaepernick Time's Man Of The YearBravo Time magazine for making Colin Kaepernick Man Of The Year. Almost. While Trump has reduced the U.S. to tatters, Kaepernick exemplifies and remains a beacon of hope for the United States.
Revealed: The Occupation That Loves Trump the MostA recent poll showed that comedians and comedy writers love Trump because, "He makes our jobs easy!"
Matt Lauer Wins Yet Another AwardFired NBC anchor Lauer has been recognized by the Natl Press Predators' Alliance as the 2017's Most Egregious Sexual Scumbag Hypocrite. Surprisingly. Charlie Rose was second-ran in the voting.
Activist's hair sets off geiger counterAfter random citizens reported feeling sickened around a social justice warrior of unknown gender, health authorities decided to scan the activist. They found high radiation levels in zer green hair.
Rioters still defacing monumentsRioters are demanding that all offensive monuments be removed in DC. They're calling Lady Liberty a green supremacist symbol, and calling the Washington Monument a white supremacist phallic symbol.
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