Well. Here we are. Here we, ooh, no. Ooh. Ah. Ooh, I don't know where to put meself. Don't know which way to turn tonight. Yes, Missus, you've been there, haven't you? Hmm? You've felt my predicament. Look, now don't start. Shut your mouth. Oh, the riff raff we get in here.
But ooh. Ah. No. Don't. Hasn't it been a hard winter? It's been a hard winter. And it's not over yet, I can tell you. Ooh,...
London - A classic 30-pieces-of-silver moment has seen Queen Elizabeth nod through tomorrow's lavish and unwarranted circus for a woman despised by millions of outraged UK voters.
"That's the quid pro quo for gold-digger Kate Middleton's 2011 publ...
The world of entertainment is a-fire tonight with the rumours that Meryl Streep is tipped to star in her most challenging role yet, in an epic £10M production with a cast of thousands. The audience is set to break box-office records for a premiere.
Dear Sir Lancelot,
when the red red robin did you last buy a decent living kettle of fish? I think they have forgotten how to make a popocatepetl proper cat and fiddle kettle these days of wine and roses grow on you. I blame the Chinese whispers, everything seems to be made in China now then now then.
I bought it skipper a kettle drum down in the drink Batley High Street fighting man last we...
The health of the Queen has become problematically only days before the funeral of Margaret Thatcher. It was thought the Queen had caught measles and that it was spreading throughout the Royal family, but Dr Ian Knowall has advised us that the only k...
The Daily Mail is being praised by many for its contribution to uniting the Radical Left in Britain. This seemingly impossible task, clearly influenced by a special Iron Lady Spell, has made comrades of people who normally would cross the road rather...
The coffin of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who died a few days ago, is to be launched into Deep Space after her funeral, it has been claimed by me.
Thatcher, who was "highly thought-of" in mining circles, was the first woman to...
There was jubilation in the streets of Britain as an elderly woman, who had been ill for some time, passed away earlier this week.
The elderly woman had once been a person of some importance but that had not been the case for nearly a quarter of a...
A man convicted for his part in an attempted coup in Equatorial Guinea has managed to get a lavish funeral for his mother on the Tax Payer.
Mark Thatcher who backed the 2004 coup led by close friend Simon Mann has managed to get a £15m ceremonial...
Margaret Thatcher, the former British Prime Minister, who died after a stroke the other day, is to have her head recycled, according to a news report released in my own head this afternoon.
Thatcher, 87, was also known as the Iron Lady, due to her...
In a rare alteration of royal protocol St Paul's Cathedral will be employing the latest hit 'Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead' at the funeral of Margaret Thatcher next week instead of 'God Save The Queen'.
Soldiers from the Military Male Voice Choir we...
London - (Mayan Calendar Mess): Illuminati protocols insist the cortege must head a Revelations 6:18 kinda cakewalk down The Strand from Some Clement Dames Church all the way down to St Paul's.
Cryogenically vacuum-sealed inside a devils claw wood...
Margate Thatcher was one of the most significant policemen of the late 20th Century. Famously she was Britain's first feline leader. However her style of ruling earned her the nickname "the Ironic Lady" and led to her being hatted by many but loved b...
The 2013 Virgin London Marathon due to be run this Sunday has been cancelled at short notice. The event which raises millions of pounds for charity as well as being a showcase for top international athletes has fallen victim to a lack of available po...
TOPEKA Kanasas (ABSNN) - Pastor Fred Phelps, head of the controversial Westboro Baptist Church, said his congregation will spare no expense to send a delegation to the state funeral of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.
"This time th...
A woman in Newcastle has tonight sensationally revealed that Margaret Thatcher has a terrible secret. That secret is that she deprived children in the North East of their underpants during the 1980s miners' strike.
"That's right" Said Ginny fro...
London - The old despot's last moments have been revealed after CCTV footage was published by the Ritzz Crackers Motel where she was holed up pending another, er, comeback.
Mrs T, who died on Monday morning, is pictured with a pint tumbler of gin...
In many parts of the UK people, mainly from the left side of life, have been celebrating Maggie Thatchers death by boozing all night. Some politicians find ths behaviour disrespectful; well maybe they should ask dead coalminers their opinions..
H...