Funny satire stories about Magistrates Court

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Cash ruins unblemished driving record

An 80-year-old driver who accidentally dropped a load of money on to the road has blotted his previously unblemished driving record. Gateshead magistrates heard that Ivor Lodesadosh, owner of the Big Game Casino, was driving to the bank in his jee...

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Hungry children more likely to be jailed

For the crime of stealing a packet of hamburger buns, a magistrate ordered 7-year-old Willy Famisht to serve 12 months in juvenile detention. Willy Famisht pleaded he hadn't eaten for two weeks and someone had put a spell on him. The sentence was...

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Motorist's frying pan reduced by magistrates

A Gateshead delivery driver has had his frying pan reduced in size from 16 to 10 inches diameter. Aluvaf Ryup, 33, had been driving whilst still holding his 16-inch pan. In court, magistrates duly considered his pan, which had been set aside wh...

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Interesting accounts stage a come-back

The public gallery at Peterborough Magistrates Court was packed again yesterday, after hundreds had queued to witness P.C. William Wordsworth testify for the prosecution. Ten motorists were up before the bench, charged with minor offences. P.C.

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Nottingham Magistrates' Sessions to be shown live at the Majestic cinema!

Funny story: Nottingham Magistrates' Sessions to be shown live at the Majestic cinema!

Nottingham City Labour Councillor Mr B Ackander (56), has been praised for his efforts in getting the Nottingham Magistrates' and Criminal Court sessions to be shown live at a City Centre Cinema, now renamed the Majestic. Cllr B Ackander explained: "With the Coalition Government's cutbacks, it was essential we found a way to help ease the financial burden caused by their vicious cutbacks. And a...

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Answers given in Nottingham Courts

Funny story: Answers given in Nottingham Courts

This article was sent in by a decrepit ageing ex-security officer. Who, although today he cannot remember where he left his hearing aids, glasses, bus-pass or what day of the week it is, refers to his old personal notebook, to dredge up some answers given in the courts, he remembers: Magistrate to Defendant: "... so how do you propose to pay this fine?" Defendant's Reply: "Wiv me dole!" J...

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