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Funny story:  William Hague mistaken for Alien robot and decapitated  by  Ripley

William Hague mistaken for Alien robot and decapitated by Ripley

William Hague, often mistaken for Kryten, the bald, strange talking robot from Sci-fi comedy Red Dwarf, has been advised by his boss, Dave (Doolittle) Cameron, to take speech therapy lessons after a near fatal incident in the London Science Museum.
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Funny story:  Bringing The Power Back (And Possibly The A-Team)

Bringing The Power Back (And Possibly The A-Team)

Ed Miliband has finally shown his hand to the political world at large by declaring: "I want to bring Socialism back!" Considering your average voter no longer knows what socialism is this could be seen as a bit of a mute point. However Back an...
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Funny story:  Huhne Prison Diary Day 22

Huhne Prison Diary Day 22

Dear Diary, Thank god I'm not in that hell-hole of a place Wandsworth anymore. It was a nightmare to be in there. All I could hear were the little lambs screaming every night and there was nothing that could take their screams away. Now all I can hear is their silence and it's so peaceful. Now I'm residing at her majesty's pleasure in an 'Open Prison' which is completely different from Wan...
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Funny story:  Huhne Prison Diary Day 1

Huhne Prison Diary Day 1

Friday 15th 2013 Dear Diary, Well I have survived a night in Wandsworth Prison and I haven't been beaten up yet. I'm 'padded' (sharing) a cell (toilet) with somebody who cannot be named for legal reasons but he's 'in' (convicted) for robbing old grannies for their handbags and seems quite harmless, and he had to get up in the middle of the night and have a very large poo (crap). Oh the ind...
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Funny story:  Huhne in Perverting The Course of Justice Shocker

Huhne in Perverting The Course of Justice Shocker

Disgraced and humiliated Lib Dem MP Chris Huhne has asked to be given a community sentence in regards to his recent guilty plea for perjury and perverting the course of justice. In the biggest scandal to hit Whitehall since plebgate and George Ga...
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Funny story:  Offensive Minister Appointed

Offensive Minister Appointed

A new post, Offensive Minister, has been created by the Government as a result of public demand : the new Minister is to be Algernon Crapper MP for Littlehumpton - a man who will imbue confidence into his Post. In an announcement Crapper stated t...
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Funny story:  Brit MP's demand a 32% pay rise to compensate for all of the hot air they blow!

Brit MP's demand a 32% pay rise to compensate for all of the hot air they blow!

British MP's are demanding at least a 32% payrise because they feel the hot-air garbage that spews out of their mouths is worth much more than what they are receiving at the moment! David Cameron who spews out the most hot-air rhetoric, is demandi...
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Funny story:  Car for teenagers needs overhaul, say MPs

Car for teenagers needs overhaul, say MPs

A 20-year-old car regularly used by teenagers has been condemned as unfit for use. All four tyres were under-inflated, both wing mirrors were missing, and the windscreen was filthy. A group of 14-18 year-olds in Stockport have been put at risk bec...
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Funny story:  Mouses of Parliament

Mouses of Parliament

Doris Mad, 57, of Dorking, has created an extraordinary living artwork. In her front garden she has built a scale model of the House of Commons, which she has filled with 650 rodents to represent the 650 UK Members of Parliament. Every UK MP is re...
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Funny story:  Quentin Kelp MP - Haggis, Diarrhoea and Perverts

Quentin Kelp MP - Haggis, Diarrhoea and Perverts

Dear Constituent I have had a hectic few days spoiled by a gastric upset which I blame on the poisoned haggis that arrived via Parcel Force from an address in Aberdeen. I actually suspect my last newsletter upset Alex Salmond of the SNP and it was he who posted me the spiked Macsween haggis. Both of these famous names - Salmond and Macsween - claim to be guardians of Scottishness -...
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Funny story:  Quentin Kelp MP - A Drop of Scotch

Quentin Kelp MP - A Drop of Scotch

Dear Constituents I had a very hectic weekend, utterly spoilt by my wife insisting I attend the wedding of her niece to a man who hails from Edinburgh. As we all know, Scots are well known for being careful with their money but how low they can stoop was brought home to me when I was given a handful of confetti to throw. It was dirty. Whilst I waited in the car for the reception to f...
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Funny story:  Quentin Kelp MP - A Wind Up

Quentin Kelp MP - A Wind Up

Dear Constituents Fresh from my work experience as an apprentice vicar at Krupton Parish Church and with the Conference season over for another year we can now focus on more important things such as re-election. My theme this week will be the looming power crisis and I have a solution that I think should guarantee me the necessary attention before the election and a Ministerial job soon...
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Funny story:  Quentin Kelp MP - My Ten Commandments

Quentin Kelp MP - My Ten Commandments

Dear Constituents (and Parishioners) I have had a very hectic week. I should really have gone along to the Party Conference but, instead, undertook some specialised work experience. Unless one is pre-booked to perform on the main stage or even one of the side shows, Party Conferences are a useless pathway to career progression especially for a non-comformist so I decided to get away with...
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Funny story:  Quentin Kelp MP - A man to man chat on sensitive matters

Quentin Kelp MP - A man to man chat on sensitive matters

Dear constituents Everything has returned to hectic normality since the few days I spent in drag in Grey Gables Old Peoples' Home. I have to admit that I miss my knickers, though. Despite occasional disasters I found these over-sized garments far more comfortable than my Y-fronts so I'm going to renew the campaign once started by the excellent Mr Paxman to improve the design of men's underwe...
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Funny story:  Quentin Kelp MP - A Bingo Prize and Nail Biting

Quentin Kelp MP - A Bingo Prize and Nail Biting

Dear Constituents I have had a very hectic week or so and please excuse the wet smudges on this newsletter as I admit to feeling unusually sad at the moment. Living disguised as eighty-six year old Ada Marples in Grey Gables Old Person's Home has had a profound, emotional effect on me and I am beginning to question the value of continuing as your elected member. Would I be better working...
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Funny story:  Quentin Kelp MP - Sherry and a Terrifying Nightmare

Quentin Kelp MP - Sherry and a Terrifying Nightmare

Dear Constituents I had a most hectic and sleepless night last night which I need to tell you about before I proceed with describing the strike that I tried to organize at Grey Gables Old Peoples' Home. I attribute my bad dream to the hallucinatory effects of the large quantity of sherry I'd drunk the night before. I am normally OK after gin and tonic, whisky, beer, wine, brandy and cop...
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Funny story:  Quentin Kelp MP - Bingo and a Vibrator

Quentin Kelp MP - Bingo and a Vibrator

Dear Constituents I have had a most relaxing few days. This is not what I expected after I moved into Grey Gables Old Persons' Home two days ago, but the service has been excellent. On the other hand, I suppose, I was fortunate in that my residence here was temporary and voluntary. Unlike the other long term residents I had not really been abandoned by my family to live amongst health a...
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Funny story:  Quentin Kelp MP - Old Knickers and a Grey Wig

Quentin Kelp MP - Old Knickers and a Grey Wig

Dear Constituents I have had such a hectic week and so much exciting news to tell you. But please do not put this Newsletter aside to read whilst sat on the loo or in the pub. This one needs to be read whilst seated in your most comfortable chair with the TV off and, perhaps, a cup of tea. As I mentioned in my last Newsletter I have recently decided to use disguise to conduct researc...
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