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Speccysavers call police over Lord Lucan eye test

Funny story: Speccysavers call police over Lord Lucan eye test

Speccysavers in Knightsbridge have confirmed that an extremely old man calling himself simply Loo Can was prescribed a pair of glasses this morning. Very posh policemen were called. One theory is that a similar sounding man killed his children's N...

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NATO empaths penetrate Downing Street firewall

Funny story: NATO empaths penetrate Downing Street firewall

London - Highly trained psychic worriers have broken through security barriers shielding the Prime Monster according to reports. Late last night a crack NATO special combat squad penetrated microwave barriers protecting David Cameron and his Mrs...

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'Alien' remains found in Royal park 'thought to be Lord Lucan'

Funny story: 'Alien' remains found in Royal park 'thought to be Lord Lucan'

Edinburgh - Reports from Holyrood Palace tonight said the fugitive MI6/KGB double agent was known for his dead letter drop rendezvous near Salisbury Crags where some newly discovered bones are thought to be those of the missing Irish peer. Lucan v...

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Al Shabaab-Kebab terror chief 'is Lord Lucan's son': reports

Funny story: Al Shabaab-Kebab terror chief 'is Lord Lucan's son': reports

East Africa - The charcoal grilled lamb-peddling terror outfit's commander has tested DNA positive as Lord Lucan's son, spawned during the fugitive peer's UK taxpayer-funded grand tour of Africa according to reports. Vladimir Dim-Eatery Lucan Shis...

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OMG! Prince Andrew 'is Lord Lucan's son'

Funny story: OMG! Prince Andrew 'is Lord Lucan's son'

London - The Queen was left looking grimly po-faced as news of the deception spread this morning confirming Foreign Orifice DNA results of a direct hit between the missing Irish peer and Prince Andrew, Duke of York. The royal cuckoo became a Palac...

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Human Frights Court blocks International Space Station's Lucan footage

Funny story: Human Frights Court blocks International Space Station's Lucan footage

Strasbourg - He's been snapped at a late night Barking kebab takeaway, the Tories' Winter Ball and last year's Wimbledon Ladies' Championship finals. Today judges at the European Court of Human Frights refused to release 'pirated' ISS footage of t...

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Lord Lucan 'still drawing his UK old age pension and winter heating allowance': reports

Funny story: Lord Lucan 'still drawing his UK old age pension and winter heating allowance': reports

London - Declared 'legally dead' in October 1999 he even got a free TV licence sent to his Nyang'oma Kogelo, Nyanza Province, Kenya PO Box address and Christmas cards signed by Mrs Thatcher. This weekend the full extent of UK taxpayer largesse to...

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Julie Ward probe linked to Lord Lucan sighting

Funny story: Julie Ward probe linked to Lord Lucan sighting

Nairobi, Kenya - The strawberry blond Suffolk photographer's remains were discovered in 1988 at a Masai Mara game reserve close to where new reports have placed Lord Lucan. To date nobody has been convicted of her killing despite several attempts...

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Lord Lucan signs for Man City

Funny story: Lord Lucan signs for Man City

Lord Lucan, the peer wanted for questioning over the death of his childminder and missing since 1974, has been announced as the replacement for Manchester City forward Carlos Tevez by coach Roberto Mancini. It is thought Lucan was approached by a...

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Nuns in Spain robbed of £1.5million

Funny story: Nuns in Spain robbed of £1.5million

Police in Zaragoza, Spain are hunting for a thief who has made off with a pile of black bin bags, stuffed with 500 Euro notes, from a convent in the city. Spanish detectives are puzzled as to how a group of nuns came to be in possession of so much...

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Lord Lucan still going strong

Our Weeki Leeks correspondent has just unearthed some amazing new facts about the elusive Lord Lucan. It seems that he settled in Capetown after fleeing Britain in the seventies and had a sex change operation at the Groote Schuur Hospital. He then opened a brothel catering mainly for the rich and well connected. Lucan operated under the name Lucy Lord for many lucrative years, enjoying protecti...

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Hellfire Club Regiment clue links Lord Lucan to Julie Ward death probe

Funny story: Hellfire Club Regiment clue links Lord Lucan to Julie Ward death probe

London - (Foren (sic) News): Anonymous DNA samples found in the 7th Earl of Lucan's Chelsea home have surfaced in the Masai Mara game reserve. The Kenyan safari site saw Suffolk hotelier's daughter Julie Ward killed in 1988 in what still remains a...

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Lord Lucan Location - A Clue at Last!

Funny story: Lord Lucan Location - A Clue at Last!

Intrepid reporter Inchcock Chambers, has driven up in his Skoda Estelle to Stormness in the Orkney's, to interview the local police superintendent Wallis Whisky, to confirm the reasons for these suspicions. The superintendent said: "Our suspicion...

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Lord Lucan washes up on social networking site

Funny story: Lord Lucan washes up on social networking site

Breaking news - Richard John Bingham, 7th Earl of Lucan, better known as Lord Bingham or Lord Lucan and colloquially called "Lucky" Lucan, has washed up on the social networking site 'Arsebook', 35 years after disappearing on 8 November 1974, followi...

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Body of Lord Lucan Has Been Found!

Funny story: Body of Lord Lucan Has Been Found!

One of the world's most bizarre mysteries has now been solved. The body of missing peer Lord Lucan, who has not been seen since his mysterious disappearance in 1974 following the brutal murder of his nanny has finally been recovered. His remains were...

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Cherie Blair to sell more secrets

Funny story: Cherie Blair to sell more secrets

"I know where Shergar is and I know what happened to Lord Lucan. How much?" she asked our reporter.

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Elvis Reveals he was Alive All Along and in Contention for Identity Fraud Tsar Role

Funny story: Elvis Reveals he was Alive All Along and in Contention for Identity Fraud Tsar Role

In a series of astonishing and seemingly unrelated developments, dead pelvis-thrusting singer Elvis Presley has announced his intention to apply for the position of Identity Theft Tsar as recommended by a Parliamenta...

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Lady Lucan killed Lord Lucan: Scotland Yard

Funny story: Lady Lucan killed Lord Lucan: Scotland Yard

London - (Ass Mess): Lady Lucan killed her husband Lord Lucan after a frenzied fight over the family silver on the night the noble Lord fatally attacked his children's nanny Sandra Rivett.

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