After years of research and a constant stream of psychotic experiences in the pub, Perry & Terry share what pisses them off.
People who major in all the arts but can't draw the curtains.
Critics who never complain after a blowjob.
The humble accountant. They must count for something.
When horses are called stupid names like "Transsexual" and you are forced to place an each way bet...
..Police interrogation officers get confessions by pushing the perpetrator into a darkened room with a random upturned 3 pin plug left on the floor.
..can openers have a 'best by' date on them?
..1% of household germs wipe out life on this planet?
..aboriginals when they eat grubs feel disgust when we eat caviar?
..we ever remember the exact amount when our parents asked "How...
"Trumpmas": A Top Ten List
What say we get the superficial similarities between the season's two hottest execs out of the way first, shall we? Both are known to be large, pale, white, hairy men with yuuuuuge waistlines and a habit of jetting around the world doing deals.
Here then is a Top Ten accounting of the "bright contrasts" between this holiday season's two big-shot CEOs:
1. I'm signing nothing!
2. George Brown, George W. Bush and his dad as well as Henry Kissinger, Barack Obama and J.K. Rowling are all tools, all phonies.
3. Hiram Abiff is an idiotic myth and you should all grow up.
4. Your controllers of the 'upper degrees' are laughing their asses off at the gullibles clinging to the lower rungs. Right?
5. Money is not God.
6. Sex is of no real importance...
Sick of that old sixties vinyl collection cluttering up the hallway? Exasperated by the pile of Superman comics in the downstairs loo? Let's face it, here's a great opportunity for throwing out your partner's junk. Exercise a little deceit - excuse me, I mean tact - when you're loading the car. "Hang on a sec, I've forgotten something..." you could say, as you dash back inside with a bin-liner.
Ten Reasons Why you are Skint.
1. Your parents want you to get to heaven and only skint people they fervently believe go there say the holy books. Your parents may wear Shamrocks, turbans, beads and feathers or Eskimo hats, it really doesn't matter. You are mandated to stay skint for the rest of your natural because it would break their hearts if you didn't. After all they have suffered for you...
(1) Claiming that you are "irish". Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking they are Irish. An 'Irish' beard has never been shaved by an 'Irish' razor.
(2). Seeking recognition for doing something exceptional. Taboo is that. That is why the Irish are hopeless at anything competitive. "Who da fuck duz he tink he is?" is an effective deterrent against the very thought of trying to win at ANYTHING.
In a survey from Thailand to Morocco men's magazine "U-R-FKD" discovered that men's taste in women had not changed over thousands of years.
Certain key traits however seemed to predominate over the centuries.
If Cleopatra turned men on with her brains as well as her beauty many more found success in the absence of both.
It really devolved to who the male was as women seemed to tick eve...
1. Showing up there, unless you want to or need to.
2. Allowing yourself to be pissed upon from a great
height by your boss. He/she is not your parent.
He/ she doesn't know you. They only imagine they do.
That is how they got to be boss in the first place.
Like David Cameron got to be PM. 'Knows' everybody,
3. Misunderstanding the true nature of the...
1. He beats you up.
2. He doesn't beat you up. If he really loved you he would beat you up like your first husband... whom you should never have left but had to... because he beat you up.
3. You are not Jane enough to his Tarzan.
4. He is not Tarzan enough to your Jane.
5. He only married you for your money.
6. She only married you for your money.
7. He lusts after other women.
In a survey conducted in twenty American prisons concerning the relationship between crime and marriage break-up, it was concluded that one of the main problems in relationships was language.
Communication problems all devolved to the contrary understanding of the meaning of words. The comprehension of words however was mediated by false beliefs and values that were inherently pernicious or i...
1. I left my wallet at home.
2. Gee, you remind me of my mother.
3. I have a slight touch of Ebola but it will pass.
4. I think George W. Bush is probably one of this century's greatest leaders next to Tony Blair and the late great Ronald Reagan.
5. Love is not sex.
6. My dad is a funeral director. That's why I work in health insurance. What do you do?
7. If I was a woman I'd sta...
1. Why was it never explained to us at school how and why the banks rule the world and have put politicians in power to help them?
2. Why did they lie to me by getting me to believe that if I created something wonderful or excellent that I would be guaranteed success? This is false I now know. A mediocre talent well connected to the right people is more likely to become a success than a genius...
1. Africans are black because they drink the stuff.
2. Guinness doesn't travel well. You drink enough of it you will be lucky to make it to the bathroom.
3. It is referred to fondly in Ireland as "liquid viagra".
4. Guinness taken in sufficient quantities produces all the affects of Oscar Wilde.
5. Irish bookmakers give free Guinness to all their customers; but they must drink at least...
1 : He has anyone who disagrees with him shot dead
2 : He insists on sending his Airforce Fighter Jets to invade the Airspace of small, neutral countries.
3 : He considers the citizens of Cornwall, a threat
4 : His idea of the Proof of Statesmanship is recording endless films of his wolf / bear - hunting exploits in Siberia, in which he appears bare/oily - chested, entouraged by appa...
How many of these insane beliefs have you bought into? If you are afflicted with one you are in bad shape. If you are afflicted with more than one you are a zombie.
Here is the belief system of the brainwashed commonly called 'culture'. It gets piped into your brain, wherever you are... 24/7.
(1). Government is set up for your welfare. That is why it is not allowed to print its own money. Y...
The Bronx - - The New York Yankees appear to have had enough of Alex Rodriguez. They don't like the way he "talks the talk."
They don't care for the way he "walks the walk." But what really upsets them is how his contract will "yank the bank" if...
Magazine UR-FKD's Health & Fitness Section has listed the following tips for a healthy mind in a healthy body. Several food chains and media outlets are threatening to sue the editor.
1. Understand the world is run by crooked, greedy people who think they are 'superior' to you and because the are 'superior' to you they actually own the world and everything in it... including you. You and yo...