1. He beats you up.
2. He doesn't beat you up. If he really loved you he would beat you up like your first husband... whom you should never have left but had to... because he beat you up.
3. You are not Jane enough to his Tarzan.
4. He is not Tarzan enough to your Jane.
5. He only married you for your money.
6. She only married you for your money.
7. He lusts after other women.
In a survey conducted in twenty American prisons concerning the relationship between crime and marriage break-up, it was concluded that one of the main problems in relationships was language.
Communication problems all devolved to the contrary understanding of the meaning of words. The comprehension of words however was mediated by false beliefs and values that were inherently pernicious or i...
1. I left my wallet at home.
2. Gee, you remind me of my mother.
3. I have a slight touch of Ebola but it will pass.
4. I think George W. Bush is probably one of this century's greatest leaders next to Tony Blair and the late great Ronald Reagan.
5. Love is not sex.
6. My dad is a funeral director. That's why I work in health insurance. What do you do?
7. If I was a woman I'd sta...
1. Why was it never explained to us at school how and why the banks rule the world and have put politicians in power to help them?
2. Why did they lie to me by getting me to believe that if I created something wonderful or excellent that I would be guaranteed success? This is false I now know. A mediocre talent well connected to the right people is more likely to become a success than a genius...
1. Africans are black because they drink the stuff.
2. Guinness doesn't travel well. You drink enough of it you will be lucky to make it to the bathroom.
3. It is referred to fondly in Ireland as "liquid viagra".
4. Guinness taken in sufficient quantities produces all the affects of Oscar Wilde.
5. Irish bookmakers give free Guinness to all their customers; but they must drink at least...
1 : He has anyone who disagrees with him shot dead
2 : He insists on sending his Airforce Fighter Jets to invade the Airspace of small, neutral countries.
3 : He considers the citizens of Cornwall, a threat
4 : His idea of the Proof of Statesmanship is recording endless films of his wolf / bear - hunting exploits in Siberia, in which he appears bare/oily - chested, entouraged by appa...
How many of these insane beliefs have you bought into? If you are afflicted with one you are in bad shape. If you are afflicted with more than one you are a zombie.
Here is the belief system of the brainwashed commonly called 'culture'. It gets piped into your brain, wherever you are... 24/7.
(1). Government is set up for your welfare. That is why it is not allowed to print its own money. Y...
The Bronx - - The New York Yankees appear to have had enough of Alex Rodriguez. They don't like the way he "talks the talk."
They don't care for the way he "walks the walk." But what really upsets them is how his contract will "yank the bank" if...
Magazine UR-FKD's Health & Fitness Section has listed the following tips for a healthy mind in a healthy body. Several food chains and media outlets are threatening to sue the editor.
1. Understand the world is run by crooked, greedy people who think they are 'superior' to you and because the are 'superior' to you they actually own the world and everything in it... including you. You and yo...
1. I don't know why I'm here.
2. How do I know you are not crazier than me?
3. There is no such thing as the unconscious.
4. I'll pay you if I get cured.
5. Who was the crazier between Freud and Jung?
6. I don't want prescribed any drugs.
7. My daddy is a psychotherapist. That's why I'm here.
8. I think politicians should be psychologically tested before they stand for office...
How many of these embarrassing moments have you experienced?
1. Being fired for "total incompetence" in front of all your colleagues.
2. Accidentally stumbling across your new bride screwing her ex-beau on a snooker table during your wedding reception while you were searching the hotel rooms for the surprise honeymoon gift you had been keeping for her for months; a whirlwind trip for two to...
Life- An annoying thing that happens when you wake up in the morning.
Life- The commitment you don't remember having agreed to.
Life- 16 hours you have to live through before you can go back to bed again.
Life- A pain in the ass that doesn't limit itself to just that area.
Life- A journey on a sea of unknown depths.
Life- Two third of a day that it takes one third of a night to reco...
1. Freeze Turkey Giblets , then promote as genuine WW1 Christmas Truce Football Match Interval Edwardian 'Comfits' or 'Fancies'.
2. Mix up any old rubbish lurking in your fridge , with some Fruits Rouges ( or tinned Raspberries) and label it: 'French and/or Italian Rustic Preserve.'..then decant into any glass pot, stick a label in French or Italian onto it....money for old rope, but make sure...
1) The Isle of Wight contains less prisoners per head of the population than Alcatraz or San Quentin.
2) Despite over one hundred movies about daring escapes from The Isle of Wight, only one person, Harry Houdiney is known to have successfully escaped and lived to tell the tale in 1955.
3) How big was the average b and b room in 1943?
Each single room was 5 feet by 9 feet. Double rooms ha...
Rolling Stone Magazine released its final poll of top musicians. This poll started with guitar players and went through 68 different instruments including top autoharp and top wax on tissue paper to reach the ultimate list.
5. Yara DaSilva, kazoo at the end of Dionne Warwick's "This Girl's in Love With You.
4. Reece on Steal My Body Home by Beck.
3. Jake of the Nitty Gritty D...
Here's a list of things you shouldn't say on a first date, particularly if you want a second date. To be nonsexist, I've included some things for the ladies, too. Of course, if you're not interested in the person and want nothing to do with them after the first date, this could be a guide to "what to say on a first date":
1) I had venereal disease a few times, but not to worry, my doctor gave m...
1. You think 'your' thoughts are worse than anybody else's. You have not thought about where 'your' thoughts have come from.
2. You are scared the people you respect and who respect you may find out and abandon you.
3. Killing people is okay, you believe, and your favourite movies are all about heroes and the relentless murder they bring.
4. You think sex is love because that is what they...
(1) You pick up speed. You find yourself singing "Where have all the flowers gone?" at taxi ramps. Or, "When I was twenty-one it was a very good year...." . People hide their children and move away from you because they think you have Ebola.
(2) Girls don't find you attractive any more. They call you "an interesting man" but only to strangers who wonder how you can walk unaided, the way an astr...