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A Rogue Computer Speaks

Funny story: A Rogue Computer Speaks

I don't have pointy teeth, a black cape, a bad haircut, or a see-through body. But can I be scary? You betcha! Y'see, I'm a computer in the general reference room of a local library. A bad, bad computer. One who makes up emails and sends them to library patrons. Spooky! And fun -- to annoy, enrage, scare a lot of folks. Whatever. Oh, you thought only humans can be scary? Get with it. This is...

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UK Libraries Given Special Powers

Funny story: UK Libraries Given Special Powers

Libraries in the UK have been granted special powers under a new ruling from the Scottish Rite Freemasons, known colloquially in London as The House of Commons. The Lodge is charged with the implementation of the New World Order under guidance fr...

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Libraries - The Great Whores Of The Literary World

Funny story: Libraries - The Great Whores Of The Literary World

There used to be a sanctuary to which you could retire for that most blessed and peaceful of soul satisfying balms- silence. This sanctuary was known as a 'library' and throughout the world they could be considered a trustworthy and guarded haven for this treasure of peace whether it be in Bangladesh or the heart of Manhattan. There entities known as "librarians" would covet and protect this preci...

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Library Van Carrying Porn to All in Buffort County

Funny story: Library Van Carrying Porn to All in Buffort County

After receiving several calls from irate customers, the head librarian told the library van driver to go right back and bring ALL their books back in or they were in serious trouble. Soon the police also arrived at the Buffort Library. Seems that...

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Judge Rules Halfwits Cannot Be Banned From Using Library

Funny story: Judge Rules Halfwits Cannot Be Banned From Using Library

Judge Jamie Dean of West Virginia has handed down the ruling that halfwits cannot be prevented from using the county library. "That would be interfering with his rights as a citizen of the United States." "We're alright with most of the kids, b...

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Library 'too quiet'

An elderly book-lover has complained bitterly that her local library was too quiet. "There was a deathly silence about the place," moaned 75-year-old Lily Brearian, who has been using the library in Gateshead for over 50 years. "And recently I've...

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Rupert Giles

Rupert Giles studied at Oxford University, but dropped out before earning a history degree to become a voyeur, or "watcher," as his father and grandmother Edna had been before him. Rather than taking his wayward son to task for wasting what could have been a superb education at one of the world's leading universities, Giles' father approved of his decision, affirming it as a fulfillment of his "de...

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Bush II Library re-ignites long running argument.

DALLAS TX- The grand opening of the George W. Bush presidential library on May 1st has sparked a great deal of controversy. The opening has re-ignighted one of the great debates of our time. Who's superheroes are more badass? While the Supreme Cou...

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Civil War Threat Over Library Closures

Funny story: Civil War Threat Over Library Closures

Anti-library closure activists fear civil war on English streets following Brent Council's 'cowardly' dead-of-night raid in Kensal Rise today. The council hit the library to remove books, photographs and comemmorative plaques at 2am, under the gua...

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New library book officially opened

After two years of planning and six months of construction, Bolton has finally got its own library book. Entitled 'Bolton's Library Book', it is a gripping account of Bolton's pioneering library book project. Five thousand potential readers have a...

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Isle of Wight News - Librarian fined over overdue books

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Librarian fined over overdue books

Librarian, Gemma Paddlworth, of Ryde has been fined nearly three thousand pounds in late fees for overdue library books. "It's quite embarrassing," said Gemma, 34 a single mother. "I'm the only librarian at Ryde Library, so when I discovered that...

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Public Libraries: return books on time or be shot

Police officers can now lawfully shoot those who mock the library fine system. "In some cases during the summer several thousand library books were not taken back on time throughout England. This is totally unacceptable, anti-social behavior which w...

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Talk of Library Closure Hushed up

Funny story: Talk of Library Closure Hushed up

A councillor in Epping was told to hush when the thought of shutting the local library was raised at a council meeting. Mr Entitlement from the Council takes up the story. 'There I was, minding my own business, moving onto the next item on the age...

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Disbelief as Yorkshireman 'Puts Good Book Down' before finishing it!

Funny story: Disbelief as Yorkshireman 'Puts Good Book Down' before finishing it!

Leeds: Shock, horror and disbelief as local Leeds Man Puts Good Book Down in Library. There is a saying in literary circles, that if you put a good book down before finishing it, 'Then yer a bastard"!! Unfortunately for one man, the act of putting...

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Buckinghamshire library emptied in cuts protest

Funny story: Buckinghamshire library emptied in cuts protest

The BBC reports: Library-users have emptied a town's library of books in protest against plans to close it down. People have taken their maximum allowance of books from Stony Stratford library, Milton Keynes - clearing all 16,000 volumes. DSF,...

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The English local library with no books to lend

Funny story: The English local library with no books to lend

UK minister for Local Government has been left holding his head in his hands. The Right Honourable, Eric Pickles is in a real pickle today. Residents of Stony Stratford, near Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire have emptied their local library of all 1...

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Libraries rebranded as a lo-tec Kindle

Funny story: Libraries rebranded as a lo-tec Kindle

The British Libraries Association have undergone a major re-branding to compete head to head with Amazon's Kindle. "It's a major initiative," said Rowena Reddalot, High Priestess of Librarians. "Kindle's marketing policy is to highlight their posi...

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Old man asks local library for a face book

Funny story: Old man asks local library for a face book

In local news, an old man has befuddled the local library by requesting a book about face, "I have been reading about it a lot in the paper recently" said the perplexed pensioner "I don't really know what a face book is, but what with that new film o...

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