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Sanders Makes An Announcement Amending His CandidacyCongressperson Sanders from Lulumont said today her new name is Bernice and that she's contesting the Democratic Party's nomination for HeadBroad-USA,adding:Hillary's got no sole claim to big panties!
Kerry's Leg Break Will Enhance His UtilityBrussel's dudocrats are delighted with the Kerry mishap. With his leg in a cast it will be much easier to wield Monsieur MopHead in swabbing out EU sh#t holes. Felicitations pour Le Balai a Laver!
Plane shuns darkened skiesA solar-powered plane attempting to circle the globe without a drop of fuel made an unscheduled landing when afternoon skies became overcast. Passengers arrived uninjured (this time).
Beijing enacts smoking banChinese officials announced that, in an effort to enforce a recent ban on smoking, Beijing will behead anyone who smokes in the capital city. Dipping snuff is permitted "for the moment."
92-year-old woman sets marathon recordHarriette Thompson, 92, set a marathon record as the oldest crone ever to compete in the race. Next, she hopes to set the same record in Athens, Thessaloniki, and "maybe" Triploi.
Microsoft releases Windows 10Microsoft's founder, Bill Gates, in announcing the release of his company's latest version of Windows, vows, "We're going to do it until we get it right."
NASA images capture closest pictures of CeresAs the Dawn MYR-6 spacecraft approached the min-planet Ceres, the space group in Houston began cheering.
Spotted on the far side of Hamersfield Crater was a sign, "3 bedroom condo for rent."
McIlroy's Demise at Irish Open Traced to Organic AdditiveGolf's No. 1's failure to make the cut at the Irish Open has been traced to subversive spiking of his Guiness with bramble juice,thus causing his drives to seek out landing areas with organic kinship.
Troll who claimed Obama isn't gay has been banned from TwitterSuch a slur on Da Prez's private quarters will not be tolerated in cyberspace
Clinton Foundation received $$$s in corruption-suspected FIFA bungsSpokesperson claims it was just petty cash to pay for Hillary's plastic surgery and a head transplant for First Daughter Chelsea
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