Washington, DC -- America is about to pay a high price for its love affair with its five favorite letters. The vowels -- A,E,I,O,U -- have become so popular that there aren't enough of them to go around, according to a recently published FB* report.
Boston, MA - The Boston Tribune's randomly chosen entry into The Best Letter from Mom While You Were at Camp Contest appears below. This week's entry was submitted by Debbie Jones of Dover, MA.
Dad and I (and the admin that I suspect is Dad's new mistress) are so happy to hear that your summer "job" at the Big Game Reserve in South Africa is going well (especially since Dad and...
Dear Sir Lancelot,
when the red red robin did you last buy a decent living kettle of fish? I think they have forgotten how to make a popocatepetl proper cat and fiddle kettle these days of wine and roses grow on you. I blame the Chinese whispers, everything seems to be made in China now then now then.
I bought it skipper a kettle drum down in the drink Batley High Street fighting man last we...
The following are letters that were written to the editor of the Los Angeles-based iRumors News Agency, Bacardi Cheyenne.
Not one word has been deleted, omitted, changed, altered, amended, or otherwise modified.
Dear iRumors - My wife of 17 years Violetta and I are wondering why it is that Taylor Swift only seems to ever write songs about her ex-boyfriends.
Barcelona - Day Five - L'Aquarium.
In his own words for once.
"It was a weird sort of a day; day five. It kicked off with the kids getting bored in the apartment, so I had a conspiratorial word in the son-in-law's shell, and we decided to take them out for a walk to burn off some of that excess energy.
"I don't know if any of you who are reading this know Barcelona at all - if you do, you...
No trip to Barcelona is ever considered complete without a visit to the magnificent Nou Camp. Which is where Martin Shuttlecock went on Friday, accompanied by his football loving son in law.
Who filmed the event for posterity, unknown to Shuttlecock.
"He had one of them orbital cameras," Shuttlecock revealed. "What does films and that. I didn't know he was filming it. I thought he was just t...
Night time: Sagrada Familia, El Raval and Ladyboys - As regular readers are probably aware, Martin Shuttlecock can't write for peanuts, has no comprehension of the concept of humour, or irony, or even basic table manners.
So we sent a Skoob News reporter out to interview him. In a cockroach infested crackhouse up an alley in Barcelona's notorious El Raval district.
"It's not really all that...
Day two: Day two got lost somehow. So this is really day three part one. Day three part two will appear at some point today, providing day three isn't quite as hectic as day two.
Deep joy on day two with the discovery of a shop that sells pies. Things were looking up.
Then things looked up even more with the discovery of a chip shop that sells fish and chips, pies, mushy peas and gravy too!...
"Well, that wasn't at all what I expected," said a decidedly disgruntled Martin Shuttlecock, from his garret in Barcelona's notorious El Raval district, last night.
"The flight down here was pretty uneventful - although it wasn't a Lear jet, it was at least a jet, one of them airbus things. Still, at least we never did a belly flop onto the M27. And we didn't get served champagne by a bevvy of...
HOLLYWOOD - Vanna White has been turning the letters on the television game show Wheel of Fortune for 29 years.
But an inside, unnamed source has just revealed that the 55-year-old may have to quit, what many say is the best darn job in the entire...
I ham fighting through you on beehive of a much misunderstood grope off scufflers, mainly, hose hoot stupor from the friction whereby hay displace random herds with other swords witch either luck or wound a skittle bit scimitar.
As ewe mustard seed, I amble cone of these importunates myself. Theseus hiss a moused perspexing disorder, being very scuttle hand mafeking the shuffler se...
With a world shortage of magnesium looming, the printing industry is looking at ways of saving this crucial ingredient in ink.
"Magnesium has very few uses," said Hugh Packard, head of ink at Kodak. "It's main use is in the manufacturer of ink jet...
I am writing in the hope that any of your readership may have a care for our lost histories.
You see, I live here in Broadwoodwidger and am researching the lives of our ancestor, Edwin Puley, who was a Cheesewright and Noddler, and indeed served his time in your very environment before ending his days as a Master Cheesewright and Chief Noddler back here in Devon.
I visited your...
Dear Mrs Fungle,
Please accept my apologies for calling you a tight fisted old hag with dew drops and a wig that should have been put down years ago. We received your cheque this morning.
Adl Electrical Supplies
Dear Mr Dreem,
After some consideration, I would not want to shove your head in a meat grinder and boil your testicles in hot jam. You are not a wanker and I...
I write to you as it were a cry du cur from the heart, having had the misfortune to have read an article in your weekend supplement just gone. The weekend has just gone, I mean, not the supplement, which is still laid on my escritoire, ready for the recycling bin.
There was I, in anticipation of reading some picturesque passages about Dorking's lovely scenery, on account of the hea...
An announcement about a huge hike in the cost of posting a letter seems imminent, with charges for a second class letter going up to around 55 pence and first class possibly exceeding 70 pence. This will see postal charges going up by more than 50%.
A man from Babbacombe, Torquay, has become involved in a bee-keeping furore that has caused confusion and outtrage among local residents.
Bobby Babbington, 52, who lives in Alphabet Lane, Babbacombe, began b-keeping as a hobby and has amassed a co...
I note that Paddington Bear will appear at Dalemain country house near Ullswater on the 25th and 26th of February, where he will visit The World's Original Marmalade Awards & Festival.
He won't, though, not really. Because he doesn't actually exist, does he?
Some soft-headed twerp buys his idiotic wife a teddy bear, then decides to write a book about an imaginary bear. It t...