NEVADA STATE PENETENTARY (ABSNN) - O. J. Simpson is offering to sell the knife that was used to slay his wife, Nicole, and her friend Ron Goldman, for the sum of $5 million. Guards at NSP immediately tossed his cell but found nothing other than a ba...
Regrettably, yet again (four) police officers have been stabbed while attempting to arrest a rather agitated, if not completely fucking loopy, nutter. The incident occurred in Kingsbury, Northwest London, on Saturday after a man had grabbed a knife f...
Today, your favourite mass circulation Acton Gazette launches our inaugural Local Opinion Forum. In which selected residents are invited to give their personal view on a variety of important local issues.
To start us off in this current climate of violence on our streets and in our schools, we have invited celebrated local housewife, Mrs Brenda Stoat MBE, to weigh-up the complexities of knif...
Knife wielding teenagers who threaten the well-being of others will be forced to 'stand in a corner and face the wall' under new plans unveiled by Justice Secretary Kenneth Clarke to restore order to the streets of Britain.
The plans were revealed...
In recent months, scientists at the North American Association of Foreplay and Sexuality (NAAFAS) have finished their study of spooning, and have discovered that spooning is not the only preferred way of remaining close to your partner after intimate...
The laws allowing burglars to do their dirty deeds is about to be radically changed according to "man of the people" Ken Clark. In fact he has told all innocent houseowners, scared grannies, home alone children, etc, "grab a bread knife as big as you...
Researchers have discovered stone tools in Norfolk, UK, that suggest that early humans arrived in Britain nearly a million years ago - or even earlier.
Ever since then, knife crime has been on the increase.
In 2000BC alone there were a dozen...
Phoenix Joe has just seen newly released statistics that you are more likely to get run over by a car than you are to go to prison for committing a knife crime in the UK. Which makes no sense of all the NuLab government claims to be getting tough on...
Easter eggs and other chocolate can now through a loop hole in an old law carry blades and other weapons, as long as they are not the locking type that have been banned since 1903 unless sold only in small amounts, latest research suggests.
The st...
Myleene Klass was confronted by a yobs brandishing a small knife ouside her kitchen window but instead of letting the yobs frighten her Myleene grabbed a large kitchen knife and shouted "call that a knife this is a knife."
It was like a repeat of...
The government have announced they are to show 'disturbing and graphic' photographs of knife wound victims to teenagers, in an attempt to stop them from carrying knives.
Maria Prannet, Labour MP, says "if we scare the bejeezus out of the little sh...
According US Commerce Department spokesperson Bikey Schwinn China has been hitting people with pipes here in the United States.
The small crack pipes make amazingly good weapons when wielded by Kung Fu artists from China. In retaliation, the US w...
A schoolboy has been ordered to spend 45 days in an alternative school for troublemakers because he wanted to eat lunch with his favorite camping tool - a combination folding fork, knife and spoon that he had been given recently.
"I took it to eat...
LONDON England - The Queen today was reading some old history books, per her statement below, and made a major announcement affecting British society everywhere. Follows her statement, made this morning at her secret underground palace, in the under...
LONDON, England - According to Mr. Remington of London, a new anti-knife campaign including posters, tele and online adverts, music videos, and strippers is warning youth against using or even carrying knives.
This rouge task force of young anti-k...
WASHINGTON DC - In the past, doctors only had to report cases of knife stabbings. Now they must tell police every time they stab someone with a scalpel, according to new guidelines from the AMA.
They are also told they can breach patient confident...
Boy Scouts are no longer to be permitted to carry knives!
This shock report hit the Scout movement like a tidal wave only last week.
Lord Baden - Powell's grave has been observed to be smoking and there is a rumbling, rotating noise emanating f...
Liverpool: Repeat offender and current Asbo world champion, Martin 'Divvy' Derek of Croxteth, Liverpool today announced he planned to go to the European Court of Human Rights after using one of the revolutionary new Anti Stab knives.
THINK SAFETY...